Walmart Aluminum Foil Conspiracy

[Reverend Conehead]

Everyone knows that you can create a tin-foil hat to protect your brain from controlling telepathic transmissions. Whelp, the Walmart house brand is made of material smuggled in by the lizard people! Lizard-people telepathy cuts right through it. The Queen of the Lizard People, Amber Heard, is behind this! If you don't want to be transformed into a drooling zombie under Amber Heard's control, you must use a quality aluminum foil for your Faraday hat! I think the name-brand ones MIGHT be okay at Walmart, and only their house brand is infected, but I'm not sure. To be certain, make it out of a name-brand foil from some other store.
...
I'm looking out for you guys! If it weren't for my diligence and efforts, Amber Heard would already be controlling a huge empire on Earth encompassing all of North America, Europe, and Asia. We're fighting back against her evil. I have an emergency bug-out plan to escape to Antarctica, but I hope I never have to use it. Be strong. Stop the Evil Lizard Queen Amber.

 

[Whyjerry]

Needed this post today. I actually think aliens occupy the capital and we are lab rats. Only explanation.

 

[nobody]

It's right there in the name of the protection, Reverend. TIN FOIL hat. Not aluminum foil. It hasn't been TIN unless you get it special for a long time. There's no protection now.

 

[Reverend Conehead]

It's right there in the name of the protection, Reverend. TIN FOIL hat. Not aluminum foil. It hasn't been TIN unless you get it special for a long time. There's no protection now.

Oh, no! That's bad news. I'm going to have to find some tin in a junkyard and have a metal worker make a hat out of it.