Reverend Conehead
Well-Known Member
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If your cell phone service is out of order this morning, you're not alone. There's been a gigantic outage with the AT&T, T-Mobile, and Verizon networks. It hasn't hit everyone, but it's affecting a huge number. This is obviously an evil plot created by Amber Heard, Kim Yo Jong, the illuminati and the lizard people. If your phone still works, you'll be protected if you wrap it in tin foil and wear a tin-foil hat. We can expect attacks by the lizard people and the cyborg zombie they made out of JFK's body after they killed him. I know what some of you are thinking: Jerry Jones is part of the plot. However, you would be wrong. He's just an inept owner. He hasn't been corrupted by the lizard people or the solar flairs that they cause. The scary thing is they've somehow managed to get Amber Heard and Kim Yo Jong to work together even though they hate each other. They also have plans to create a killer android version of the little mustache dictator guy from Germany. They plan to overthrow the government and make him president with the JFK cyborg-zombie as the VP. I'm sorry about all this. It's totally my fault. I was dating Kim Yo Jong, but I dumped her when I found out that she's an Eagles fan. This really hurt her feelings, so she teamed up with Amber Heard and all of her lizard people.
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Don't worry, though. You're totally protected if you wear your tin-foil hat.
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Don't worry, though. You're totally protected if you wear your tin-foil hat.
