Ugly Baby

[Reverend Conehead]

When friends have me over to see their newborn baby:
I'm thinking:

"Man, that's one ugly baby. They won't have to hire a sitter 'cause no one's gonna bother that kid. They could scare burglars away just by holding it up to the window. Better keep it away from the railway lines because that kid could scare a train off its tracks."

What I actually say:
"Oh, what a beautiful baby. Congratulations."

 

[ratkinson]

When friends have me over to see their newborn baby:
I'm thinking:

"Man, that's one ugly baby. They won't have to hire a sitter 'cause no one's gonna bother that kid. They could scare burglars away just by holding it up to the window. Better keep it away from the railway lines because that kid could scare a train off its tracks."

What I actually say:
"Oh, what a beautiful baby. Congratulations."

Lol! That's one way to keep peace in the valley.

 

[RonWashington]

When friends have me over to see their newborn baby:
I'm thinking:

"Man, that's one ugly baby. They won't have to hire a sitter 'cause no one's gonna bother that kid. They could scare burglars away just by holding it up to the window. Better keep it away from the railway lines because that kid could scare a train off its tracks."

What I actually say:
"Oh, what a beautiful baby. Congratulations."

“ my wife wanted to go someplace she’s never been before I said how about the kitchen “

“ I told my mother in law my house is your house a week later she sold it “

Bada bing
Rodney Dangerfield

 

[YosemiteSam]

The trick is, if you actually tell them the truth. You won't have to go over there anymore. Not to mention, you'll dodge the dreaded "God Father" ask.

SOLD!

 

[Rockport]

When friends have me over to see their newborn baby:
I'm thinking:

"Man, that's one ugly baby. They won't have to hire a sitter 'cause no one's gonna bother that kid. They could scare burglars away just by holding it up to the window. Better keep it away from the railway lines because that kid could scare a train off its tracks."

What I actually say:
"Oh, what a beautiful baby. Congratulations."

You sure it’s not yours from your “crazy girl” fling?

 

[Reverend Conehead]

You sure it’s not yours from your “crazy girl” fling?

That's a scary thought, but that happened long enough ago that the kid wouldn't be a baby anymore.

 

[RonWashington]

That's a scary thought, but that happened long enough ago that the kid wouldn't be a baby anymore.

Kids stay “ babies “ longer now . Up to 31 in some studies ….

 

[speedkilz88]

Did it have a conehead or something?

 

[BrAinPaiNt]

 

[Ranching]

“ my wife wanted to go someplace she’s never been before I said how about the kitchen “

“ I told my mother in law my house is your house a week later she sold it “

Bada bing
Rodney Dangerfield

Why does a dog lick his balls? Because he can!

Bad bing...
Shakespeare

 

[Flamma]

When friends have me over to see their newborn baby:
I'm thinking:

"Man, that's one ugly baby. They won't have to hire a sitter 'cause no one's gonna bother that kid. They could scare burglars away just by holding it up to the window. Better keep it away from the railway lines because that kid could scare a train off its tracks."

What I actually say:
"Oh, what a beautiful baby. Congratulations."

You say, the kid is breathtaking.

 

[Flamma]

They could scare burglars away just by holding it up to the window

This is great!!!!

 

[Runwildboys]

People think I'm joking, when they ask if I wanna see a picture of their baby.

I say, "Not really."

They show me anyway.

I say, "Yep, that's a baby."

 

[Reverend Conehead]

You say, the kid is breathtaking.

Ha ha, I'm stealing that.

People think I'm joking, when they ask if I wanna see a picture of their baby.

I say, "Not really."

They show me anyway.

I say, "Yep, that's a baby."

That's even better. I'm stealing that.

 

[FloridaRob]

i was very young and singing in churches around the south. I remember a lady who was not very attractive herself walking up to me and showing me her baby. Still the ugliest baby I ever saw. To this day it still wins the prize. (ugly babies many times turn out to be beautiful adults) anyway all I could think to say was "Oh my God! Thats your baby!!!!. "

 

[shabazz]

Kids stay “ babies “ longer now . Up to 31 in some studies ….

Quite true. The New York Times had an article about a woman who was trying to get an abortion in the 34th Trimester

 

[RonWashington]

Quite true. The New York Times had an article about a woman who was trying to get an abortion in the 34th Trimester

“ fake news “

 

[shabazz]

“ fake news “

Sarcasm.. ...but i do agree with fake news from the NYT

 

[RonWashington]

Sarcasm

Me too