Any of you go through a divorce?

Vomit

Vomit

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Any of you other ruffians go through this? I am just in misery. After 19 years we filed in November and it's going soooooo slow. First court date is in May. We did mediation and settled 90% of things, but she wants alimony! HA! I make $.09 more an hour and pay all the insurance for kids. Sux like an electrolux. I feel like the person I married is dead and gone. I feel betrayed. Sad.

She is a professional. Fully capable of working........and it just makes me sick that someone could do this? I think she's pissed because the child support is only gonna be me paying $30/month as we agreed to split custody 50/50.

Hard to even care about football this season.....not just because Dallas sucked.....but this.....

Alimony is a dead concept to me. Sure, it might have made sense 30+ years ago when a lot of mom's stayed at home and had no skills outside of that arena. Just a complete fiasco.

Talk amongst yourselves.
 
Yep,that’s a cruddy realization of life with age. People change...not at all uncommon what you’re going through,and those type feelings. Better rock out dude...I know that sounds supercfical and totally irrelevant,but I know the deal,and you need take care of you and your well being and ego ASAP. She wants you under her thumb from a distance...that’s what the money is,just a device to keep you in the corner. Screw the corner and rules ....dance in middle of room and fade her into the background noise. She’s not playing fair,she’s treating you like she would a casheir who didn’t give her correct change. You know what I’m talking about....
 
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Every circumstance is different but it is tough. Went through it 20 hrs ago and still stings now and then. Don’t beat yourself up for feeling down. It will take a while just don’t go making a bunch of big decisions for at least a year or so.
 
I divorced July 18, 2017. Would have been married 32 years Sept 15, 2017. For some ungodly reason I was ordered to pay my ex-wife alimony for the rest of my life (or hers), even though she is fully capable of working (she didn't "feel" like it for the last 8 years). She also gets 49% of my military retirement, and I also had to pay most of the credit card debt. The credit card debt she accumulated was the downfall of our marriage. I also had to pay a portion of her attorney fees. I could go on and on, but you get the point. Luckily my daughter is an adult so child support was not an issue. BTW, my daughter is on my side on about 90% of the issues.

There was no infidelity, no abuse, I was a good provider, a fantastic dad, and by all measures I would be considered a great husband. I just got cold towards her the last few years because I couldn't forgive the massive debt she put on us.

Fast forward 2+ years and I've remarried to the most amazing woman ever. She is everything my ex-wife isn't. We got married earlier this year in Hawaii on July 18, exactly 2 years after my divorce. The date was a coincidence. It just worked out that way. My daughter adores my new wife. They can get on the phone and it's nothing for them to talk for over an hour.

I'm almost debt free, and I keep a tight gripe on my finances. My wife's money is hers, and mine is mine. We share in the expenses 50/50. I'm frugal and so is my wife. We live a simple life.

Believe it or not, my ex-wife still stay on friendly terms. I sent her a Christmas gift and she sent me one as well. I figure it's not worth being bitter over. I had 25 years of a good marriage and she is my daughter's mother. I don't want to go through life hating someone as I've seen other divorced people do.
 
Chrispierce said:
Yep,that’s a cruddy realization of life with age. People change...not at all uncommon what you’re going through,and those type feelings. Better rock out dude...I know that sounds supercfical and totally irrelevant,but I know the deal,and you need take care of you and your well being and ego ASAP. She wants you under her thumb from a distance...that’s what the money is,just a device to keep you in the corner. Screw the corner and rules ....dance in middle of room and fade her into the background noise. She’s not playing fair,she’s treating you like she would a casheir who didn’t give her correct change. You know what I’m talking about....
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Agreed.

I have been wondering about her motives. And I know she is trying to wear me down (she's good at that), but I am holding my own for now. Without my kids, family & friends I really don't know where I would be. Brutal. Hard time accepting it. Getting her out is not the problem, it's not seeing my kids, and dog like I am used to. Worried about the disposition of goods. Even though we had made strides in mediation, it may all go up in flames, because of the alimony. Never figured her for greedy, but there it is.
 
Vomit said:
Agreed.

I have been wondering about her motives. And I know she is trying to wear me down (she's good at that), but I am holding my own for now. Without my kids, family & friends I really don't know where I would be. Brutal. Hard time accepting it. Getting her out is not the problem, it's not seeing my kids, and dog like I am used to. Worried about the disposition of goods. Even though we had made strides in mediation, it may all go up in flames, because of the alimony. Never figured her for greedy, but there it is.
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Yeah,just try roll with it as best as you can. Don’t worry bro...things pan out in the end,just sucks swimming upstream to get there.
 
Vomit said:
Any of you other ruffians go through this? I am just in misery. After 19 years we filed in November and it's going soooooo slow. First court date is in May. We did mediation and settled 90% of things, but she wants alimony! HA! I make $.09 more an hour and pay all the insurance for kids. Sux like an electrolux. I feel like the person I married is dead and gone. I feel betrayed. Sad.

She is a professional. Fully capable of working........and it just makes me sick that someone could do this? I think she's pissed because the child support is only gonna be me paying $30/month as we agreed to split custody 50/50.

Hard to even care about football this season.....not just because Dallas sucked.....but this.....

Alimony is a dead concept to me. Sure, it might have made sense 30+ years ago when a lot of mom's stayed at home and had no skills outside of that arena. Just a complete fiasco.

Talk amongst yourselves.
Click to expand...

I hope everything works out for you!
 
pjtoadie said:
I hope everything works out for you!
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Chrispierce said:
Yeah,just try roll with it as best as you can. Don’t worry bro...things pan out in the end,just sucks swimming upstream to get there.
Click to expand...
Thanks guys. when the kids are with me, I seem to be OK. Tough when they are not. At least they're not babies: 17 & 14 years old.
 
Vomit said:
Any of you other ruffians go through this? I am just in misery. After 19 years we filed in November and it's going soooooo slow. First court date is in May. We did mediation and settled 90% of things, but she wants alimony! HA! I make $.09 more an hour and pay all the insurance for kids. Sux like an electrolux. I feel like the person I married is dead and gone. I feel betrayed. Sad.

She is a professional. Fully capable of working........and it just makes me sick that someone could do this? I think she's pissed because the child support is only gonna be me paying $30/month as we agreed to split custody 50/50.

Hard to even care about football this season.....not just because Dallas sucked.....but this.....

Alimony is a dead concept to me. Sure, it might have made sense 30+ years ago when a lot of mom's stayed at home and had no skills outside of that arena. Just a complete fiasco.

Talk amongst yourselves.
Click to expand...
That sucks that she became someone unrecognizable to you. I got divorced after 5 years, and the only reason we used a lawyer at all was to do the paperwork. We didn't have kids, which helped, but it was just a mutual thing and we split everything fairly, with no fighting or anything. As divorces go, it was a good one.
 
Runwildboys said:
That sucks that she became someone unrecognizable to you. I got divorced after 5 years, and the only reason we used a lawyer at all was to do the paperwork. We didn't have kids, which helped, but it was just a mutual thing and we split everything fairly, with no fighting or anything. As divorces go, it was a good one.
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We have been trying. for now, we've been using one lawyer, but unless she settles, we will have to lawyer up. And I hate that idea. Letting strangers control your life. In all this I am staying at my in-laws (who are in Florida). They have been great to me. Free place to stay, Directv, and a fridge full of beer (that I mostly emptied). Not all bad, but it still is craaaap.
 
Vomit said:
We have been trying. for now, we've been using one lawyer, but unless she settles, we will have to lawyer up. And I hate that idea. Letting strangers control your life. In all this I am staying at my in-laws (who are in Florida). They have been great to me. Free place to stay, Directv, and a fridge full of beer (that I mostly emptied). Not all bad, but it still is craaaap.
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The extra expense of each of you hiring a lawyer to fight it out and make the lawyers richer will make you hate each other, along with making your lives harder. Avoid that, even if it means making small concessions.

BTW, great of your in-laws to do that, assuming they don't plan to use it somehow, if the divorce gets brutal.
 
Vomit said:
We have been trying. for now, we've been using one lawyer, but unless she settles, we will have to lawyer up. And I hate that idea. Letting strangers control your life. In all this I am staying at my in-laws (who are in Florida). They have been great to me. Free place to stay, Directv, and a fridge full of beer (that I mostly emptied). Not all bad, but it still is craaaap.
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Oh wow....hey it’s not all bad then. You got nice in laws man...she can’t push the needle too far then,or look bad herself to family. I love that ace up the sleeve card...had it myself at the table. Drives em nuts...”Grandma...you’re supposed to be on my side not his.”
 
2nd marriage, and it is awesome. My first one blew chunks. She actually told me one time that it shouldn't matter how badly she treated me if I really loved her. After about 5 1/2 years, I just didn't care any more.

Got together w/ my current one in 2001, and it's awesome. We have our own money, go and do whatever we want, and are pleasant to each other the huge majority of the time. I would never cheat on her or even consider leaving her. No way.

Well, unless it's Zelda, that would be a lot tougher!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
 
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Runwildboys said:
The extra expense of each of you hiring a lawyer to fight it out and make the lawyers richer will make you hate each other, along with making your lives harder. Avoid that, even if it means making small concessions.

BTW, great of your in-laws to do that, assuming they don't plan to use it somehow, if the divorce gets brutal.
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Honestly, I can’t see that happening. They know who’s right here and who’s wrong. Just sux.
 
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