trickblue
Not Old School...Old Testament...
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UNDER THE BED
Bob went to a psychiatrist. "Doc," he said, "I've got trouble. Every time I get into bed, I think there's somebody under it. I'm going crazy." "Just put yourself in my hands for one year," said the shrink. "Come to me three times a week, and I'll cure your fears." "How much do you charge?" "A hundred dollars per visit." "I'll sleep on it," said Bob. Six months later, the doctor met Bob on the street. "Why didn't you ever come to see me again?" asked the psychiatrist. "For a hundred bucks a visit? A bartender cured me for $10." "Is that so? How?" "He told me to cut the legs off the bed!"
NEW VEHICLE
A couple had been debating buying a new vehicle for weeks. He wanted a truck. She wanted a fast little sports car. The couple fought endlessly about the issue. Everything she liked was out of their price range. "Look," she said. "I want something that goes from zero to 200 in just a few seconds. Nothing else will do. My birthday is coming up, so surprise me!" He did just that. For her birthday, he bought her a brand new bathroom scale.
SUBSCRIPTIONS
Steve and Cliff are having this talk. Steve says, "My wife lets me subscribe to National Geographic and Playboy for the same reason." Cliff says, "Why?" Steve says, "Because with both magazines, I get to see places I'll never get to visit."
HAMMERED
A woman's husband comes home hammered every night and she always yells at him before going to bed alone. One day she decides to try some reverse psychology. When her husband staggers in that night, she's waiting for him in her best lingerie. She sits him in an armchair and gives him a backrub. "It's getting late, big boy," she says after a few minutes. "Why don't we go upstairs to bed?" "We might as well," slurs the husband. "I'm going to be in trouble when I get home, anyway."
BLIND DATE
After being with her all evening, the man couldn't stand another minute with his blind date. Earlier, he had secretly arranged to have a friend call him to the phone so he would have an excuse to leave if something like this happened. When he returned to the table, he lowered his eyes, put on a grim expression and said, "I have some bad news. My grandfather just died." "Thank heavens," his date replied. "If yours hadn't, mine would have had to."
Bob went to a psychiatrist. "Doc," he said, "I've got trouble. Every time I get into bed, I think there's somebody under it. I'm going crazy." "Just put yourself in my hands for one year," said the shrink. "Come to me three times a week, and I'll cure your fears." "How much do you charge?" "A hundred dollars per visit." "I'll sleep on it," said Bob. Six months later, the doctor met Bob on the street. "Why didn't you ever come to see me again?" asked the psychiatrist. "For a hundred bucks a visit? A bartender cured me for $10." "Is that so? How?" "He told me to cut the legs off the bed!"
NEW VEHICLE
A couple had been debating buying a new vehicle for weeks. He wanted a truck. She wanted a fast little sports car. The couple fought endlessly about the issue. Everything she liked was out of their price range. "Look," she said. "I want something that goes from zero to 200 in just a few seconds. Nothing else will do. My birthday is coming up, so surprise me!" He did just that. For her birthday, he bought her a brand new bathroom scale.
SUBSCRIPTIONS
Steve and Cliff are having this talk. Steve says, "My wife lets me subscribe to National Geographic and Playboy for the same reason." Cliff says, "Why?" Steve says, "Because with both magazines, I get to see places I'll never get to visit."
HAMMERED
A woman's husband comes home hammered every night and she always yells at him before going to bed alone. One day she decides to try some reverse psychology. When her husband staggers in that night, she's waiting for him in her best lingerie. She sits him in an armchair and gives him a backrub. "It's getting late, big boy," she says after a few minutes. "Why don't we go upstairs to bed?" "We might as well," slurs the husband. "I'm going to be in trouble when I get home, anyway."
BLIND DATE
After being with her all evening, the man couldn't stand another minute with his blind date. Earlier, he had secretly arranged to have a friend call him to the phone so he would have an excuse to leave if something like this happened. When he returned to the table, he lowered his eyes, put on a grim expression and said, "I have some bad news. My grandfather just died." "Thank heavens," his date replied. "If yours hadn't, mine would have had to."
