A funny Joke

[jacs]

A reporter is interviewing an old man in Arkansas and asks for a funny story.

“Well, there was that time one of ol’ Ted’s sheep got lost in the woods,” says the old-timer. “The boys got together, brought a few jugs of moonshine, and went looking for it. By the time we found the sheep, we were so drunk we took turns screwin’ it till we passed out.”

“My god!” the reporter exclaims. “I can’t print that in a respectable paper! Do you have any sad stories?”

The old man’s eyes well up with tears. “Well, there was that time I got lost in the woods…”

 

[jacs]

There were three men drinking in a bar: a doctor, an attorney, and a biker.
As the doctor was drinking his white wine he said “For Valentine’s Day I’m going to buy my wife a fur coat and a diamond ring. This way if she doesn’t like the fur coat she will still love me because she got a diamond ring.”

As the attorney was drinking his martini he said “For Valentine’s Day I’m going to buy my wife a designer dress and a gold bracelet. This way if she doesn’t like the dress she will still love me because she got the gold bracelet.”

As the biker was drinking his shots of whiskey he said “For Valentine’s Day I’m going to buy my wife a T-shirt and a vibrator. This way if she doesn’t like the T-shirt she can go f**k herself!”

 

[Signals]

My Dad, bless his heart, is the best man I've ever known. But the other morning he woke up and said: Arrr! that hurts. My neck! my back! man I am soo sore.

I said, "how in the world did you do that!?"

He said: "I slept wrong."

I said: "all you have to do is lay down and close your eyes, how in the heck do you get that wrong?"