A Reason The Divorce Rate Is So High

[Muhast]

They have a study out that shows the divorce rate in proportion to age and education. As you can imagine, the younger the couple, the lesser the education, the higher the divorce rate. Also any significant things like Children before marriage, also increased it. The divorce rate for people that wait until 26+ to get married is in the low 20's and teens compared to those that get married before that.


And for the record, my oldest cousin got married and the brides family said the wedding gift would either be $50,000 towards the wedding, or 50,000 towards a house. They picked the wedding.( No clue how you can spend 50,000 on a wedding, but they did) They are still married now, have two children and are approaching their 10th anniversary sometime soon. But still, what a waste of a wonderful wedding gift, put it in the bank, put it down on a house.

 

[VietCowboy]

They have a study out that shows the divorce rate in proportion to age and education. As you can imagine, the younger the couple, the lesser the education, the higher the divorce rate. Also any significant things like Children before marriage, also increased it. The divorce rate for people that wait until 26+ to get married is in the low 20's and teens compared to those that get married before that.


And for the record, my oldest cousin got married and the brides family said the wedding gift would either be $50,000 towards the wedding, or 50,000 towards a house. They picked the wedding.( No clue how you can spend 50,000 on a wedding, but they did) They are still married now, have two children and are approaching their 10th anniversary sometime soon. But still, what a waste of a wonderful wedding gift, put it in the bank, put it down on a house.

Yeah, hands down, I would have picked house.

Research has found that happy couples have a positivity in interactions about 20 to 1 (i.e. 20 positive interactions to 1 negative)

In conflicted couples it is 5 to 1

In soon to divorce couples is .8to 1. Watching a couple interact when they are not in conflict is the best way to predict their risk for divorce

over 90% of Couples that divorce do so in the first seven years (Mean around 5 years) or around 16-20 (M = 16.4)

early divorcers do so because presence of negative interaction during conflict (high conflict). Late divorcers do so b/c of general absence of positive affect (loss of intimacy / emotional connection).

About 69% of conflicts don't get solved, they get managed, ie either perpetual or gridlocked (such as differences in neatness, emotionality, together vs alone time, finances, etc)

 

[arglebargle]

At my brother's fairly elaborate wedding, my father and I were ushers. About halfway through the very long ceremony, my father leaned over to me and said, 'Elope. I'll just give you the money.'


Dang, VietCowboy, you seem to have pretty well pinned that one to the wall.

 

[Hoofbite]

Yeah, hands down, I would have picked house.

Research has found that happy couples have a positivity in interactions about 20 to 1 (i.e. 20 positive interactions to 1 negative)

In conflicted couples it is 5 to 1

In soon to divorce couples is .8to 1. Watching a couple interact when they are not in conflict is the best way to predict their risk for divorce

over 90% of Couples that divorce do so in the first seven years (Mean around 5 years) or around 16-20 (M = 16.4)

early divorcers do so because presence of negative interaction during conflict (high conflict). Late divorcers do so b/c of general absence of positive affect (loss of intimacy / emotional connection).

About 69% of conflicts don't get solved, they get managed, ie either perpetual or gridlocked (such as differences in neatness, emotionality, together vs alone time, finances, etc)

Which is why people should absolutely live together for a minimum of a year before getting married.

Practice-run, if you will. If you can co-exist in that capacity, you won't co-exist in a marriage.

 

[The30YardSlant]

Women are illogical. We can argue about why that is, but it's the basis behind every "why do women do..." question out there. If they didnt look so good and were required for the propagation of the species they wouldnt be cost efficient.

 

[The30YardSlant]

Which is why people should absolutely live together for a minimum of a year before getting married.

Practice-run, if you will. If you can co-exist in that capacity, you won't co-exist in a marriage.

The divorce rate is higher among people who live together prior to marriage. It is believed the primary reason for this is that there is very little if any difference between married and unmarried for these folks, the only real difference is a marriage license. They never mentally accept the emotional differences that come with being married and thus end up falling apart.

 

[Hoofbite]

The divorce rate is higher among people who live together prior to marriage. It is believed the primary reason for this is that there is very little if any difference between married and unmarried for these folks, the only real difference is a marriage license. They never mentally accept the emotional differences that come with being married and thus end up falling apart.

You can't simply boil it down though.

Are the living together as a means of seeing if they can co-exist?

Are they living together because they are young and financially strapped?

Are they living together because one has a ****ed up family whom they are desperate to get away from?

I don't doubt the statistic but I do think the number slightly skewed by the circumstances which the couples are living together prior to marriage.

 

[kimrose]

...has anything to do with the situation then I think marriage should be the last thing on their minds.

:laugh2:

 

[Hostile]

Which is why people should absolutely live together for a minimum of a year before getting married.

Practice-run, if you will. If you can co-exist in that capacity, you won't co-exist in a marriage.

I have a question, but the rules don't allow it.

 

[The30YardSlant]

I have a question, but the rules don't allow it.

Rules are made to be broken and I'm in the mood for a laugh

 

[VietCowboy]

The divorce rate is higher among people who live together prior to marriage. It is believed the primary reason for this is that there is very little if any difference between married and unmarried for these folks, the only real difference is a marriage license. They never mentally accept the emotional differences that come with being married and thus end up falling apart.

Actually, one of the likely reason is b/c those that live together don't see the taboo of divorce. You see this in countries such as Belgium, with divorce rates as high as 60%. People who wait until marriage to live together probably see divorce as much more taboo.

Mexico City lawmakers late last year introduced a bill that only made a marriage 2-years, and you either had to renew it at the end of that 2-year or it would get dissolved. In the proposal, you had to pretty much have a pre-nup agreement in, finance, any child custody issues, all hammered out before you got married. Interesting concept.

 

[Yakuza Rich]

Doesn't have to do with marriage, it has to do with the actual wedding itself. I think it's safe to say that the majority of brides believe:

More $$$$ spent = better wedding

It's really done to show off to their friends and female family members. Then when they get married, they have to 'out-do' that wedding.

And what's crazy is you can save yourself a lot of money on your taxes by getting married and filing a joint return. But instead, they would rather wait and throw away thousands of dollars in an attempt to out-do their friends wedding.

No thanks.






YR

 

[Duane]

The divorce rate is higher among people who live together prior to marriage. It is believed the primary reason for this is that there is very little if any difference between married and unmarried for these folks, the only real difference is a marriage license. They never mentally accept the emotional differences that come with being married and thus end up falling apart.

My partner and I are not married but have lived together two years. This is someone I can see living the rest of my life with but neither one of us is hung up on the ideal of marriage.

I think being older we realize that whether we have a piece of paper or not is irrelevant if you make a commitment to someone. Because if you're counting on the marriage papers to keep the relationship together when things get rough you're already doomed to separate down the road.

 

[Bigdog]

Hos, my wife and twin daughters watch that show all the time. I am ashamed to admit it but the show is called "Say yes to the Dress" and it is on TLC.

 

[Hostile]

It isn't just weddings that this is a stupid phenomenon either. Kid's parties are getting more elaborate and stupid all the time. This will prove to kids that you love them, spending money on their party. yet what do kids actually appreciate more, your time.

 

[Hoofbite]

I have a question, but the rules don't allow it.

Tease.

Phrase it a way that passes.

 

[Kevinicus]

Women are illogical. We can argue about why that is, but it's the basis behind every "why do women do..." question out there. If they didnt look so good and were required for the propagation of the species they wouldnt be cost efficient.

Where is the "like" button on this forum?

 

[VietCowboy]

It isn't just weddings that this is a stupid phenomenon either. Kid's parties are getting more elaborate and stupid all the time. This will prove to kids that you love them, spending money on their party. yet what do kids actually appreciate more, your time.

There was a show on MTV called Sweet 16, and it followed the party planning of rich daughter's 16th birthday. I think one that I remember seeing, they spent like half a million on that party (had like someone famous come and sing her a song, had a helicopter, etc).

 

[CliffnDallas]

Women?

 

[arglebargle]

So weddings are an approved part of a more widespread phenominom of potlach, conspicuous consumption? I think the 'cinderella fantasy' aspect of it carries a lot of weight.