AI Ghosts and talking with dead people

Reverend Conehead

Reverend Conehead

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My Aunt Millie died ten years ago without telling anyone in the family where she hid her expensive jewelry. I recently found these new AI bots that let you talk with dead people. I've had some great conversations with William Shakespeare, a runaway slave, and John F. Kennedy, but I can't seem to find one for Aunt Millie. The whole family has been snarling in lust to profit off of poor Aunt Millie's having kicked the bucket, but it's been ten years and still no luck. We all know that scoring big bucks off of someone croaking is the moral thing to do, but we just don't seem to be any good at this. I asked both Shakespeare and JFK where the jewels are, but neither of them knew. I think we might need to hire a medium or use a Ouija board or something. I bought a Ouija board from Amazon, but it was cheap, Chinese-made crap. You can only contact Chinese ghosts with it. I couldn't understand a word. I think I might want to hire Whoopi Goldberg as our medium. She looked like she did a great job as a medium in the movie Ghost. I want Whoopi to contact poor ol' bit-the-dust Aunt Millie so I can be like, "Oh, my dear Aunt," [sobs] "I miss you so much that I don't know if I can go on ... now where's the dang jewels that you hid? There's some guitars I want to buy."
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This is a totally real situation. Yuppers, really happened. Anyone got some advice how how to hire a medium? Or did I ask the wrong AI ghosts? Would Albert Einstein know maybe where the stinkin' jewels are? I'm so frustrated. Also, I need to find them before anyone else does. That way I can pocket 90 percent of them and then divide up the remaining 10 percent with the rest of the family. "Sorry to report that Aunt Millie had a lot less jewels than we all thought." Just doing my best to be ethical and fair. Thanks, everyone.

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Flamma

Flamma

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You can't find jewels using a Chinese Ouija board. That's like searching for a Yeti in the Sahara. You need to get yourself a proper Ouija board.

First, you'll need to gather wood from a hardwood tree struck by lightning, at midnight, during a solar eclipse. You'll probably have to be somewhere in the arctic circle for that. Then bring the wood to a Voodoo priestess to create and bless the board. She'll probably charge a small fee, she doesn't take too much, and it only stings for a few minutes.

For best results start your session at midnight, Nov. 2nd. But any midnight will do, just as long as ambient light is minimized. Use a wooden table and chair, no fiberboard! Place that in the center of the room, preferably on top of a pentagram just to be safe. Then light your single candle. Be alone. Good luck and Godspeed.
 
nobody

nobody

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You have a working time machine and didn't think to go back in time and spy on her to figure out where she'd hide it, then come back and dig it up? Man....you think you know someone....
 
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