And so it begins! First Christmas Joke of the Year

[Dallas]

Three men died on Christmas Eve and were met by Saint Peter at the pearly gates.

"In honor of this holy season" Saint Peter said," You must each possess something that symbolizes Christmas to get into heaven."

The first man fumbled through his pockets and pulled out a lighter. He flicked it on. "It represents a candle", he said.

"You may pass through the pearly gates" Saint Peter said.

The second man reached into his pocket and pulled out a set of keys. He shook them and said, "They're bells."

Saint Peter said "You may pass through the pearly gates".

The third man started searching desperately through his pockets and finally pulled out a pair of women's panties.

St. Peter looked at the man with a raised eyebrow and asked, "And just what do those symbolize?"

The man replied, "These are Carols."

And So The Christmas Season Begins......

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Ha !! Thought that was comedy. Figured I would share. I hope everyone has a blessed and safe Christmas holiday season.


Boomer!

 

[DallasCowpoke]

Santa-Jesus hates you now.

 

[smarta5150]

Is this thing on?

 

[joseephuss]

I had just finished my Christmas shopping for the day and was leaving the mall when I heard a very quiet whimper coming from a little boy sitting on the sidewalk. I was concerned when I didn't notice any adults around him. As I approached, I could see he was holding a $100 bill in his hand.

I said, "What's the matter, little boy? Where are you parents?"

The boy, with a very soft voice said, "My mom is at home with my 2 brothers, and 3 sisters. My dad isn't around anymore. Mom sent me here to get Christmas presents for the family. She gave me all the money she had. $200."

"So why then are you sitting here crying?"

"Someone took my other $100."

"Did you scream for help?"

"Yes."

"How did you scream for help?"

In his soft voice, barely audible the boy let out a, "help, help."

Realizing that no one could possibly hear him screaming for help, I grabbed the other $100 and ran to my car

 

[big dog cowboy]

So wrong.

 

[DallasCowpoke]

Santa's Pickup Lines


10. Hey Babe, when was the last time you did it in a sleigh?
9. Wanna see my 12-inch elf?
8. I`ve got something special in the sack for you!
7. Ever make it with a fat guy with a whip?
6. I know when you`ve been bad or good--so let`s skip the small talk, sister!
5. Some of my best toys run on batteries... <wink wink>
4. Interested in seeing the "North Pole"? (Well, that`s what the Mrs. calls it.
3. I see you when you`re sleeping--and you don`t wear any underwear, do you?
2. Screw the "nice" list--I`ve got you on my "naughty" list!
1. Wanna join the "Mile High" club?