Article: All signs point straight to must-win (Humor)

Angus

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Rick Snider: All signs point straight to must-win

WASHINGTON - Good news: The Washington Commanders have reached the playoffs. Bad news: It starts Sunday.

If Houston beats the Commanders, the latter is essentially eliminated from the playoff chase. The Commanders’ margin is now so thin Calista Flockhart is playing cornerback.

“This is a must-win waiting for us,” offensive tackle Jon Jansen said. “Until we’re back to .500, they’re all must-wins.”

How did it come to this before the leaves turned colors? Before the Nationals’ season ends or the Wizards even start? Before Thanksgiving, elections, trick or treating or even Columbus Day?

Washington was 3-0 last season and still needed to win its last five games to make the postseason so it’s hard to declare the Commanders DOA on Sunday should they slip to the Texans. It sure feels like a deathwatch, though.

Houston really stinks. Maybe second only to Oakland as the NFL’s worst team so this is a time to get happy real fast before playing Jacksonville and the New York Giants in coming weeks. Either the Commanders win now or it’s 0-5 and shades of the Marty Schottenheimer era.

We all know how that ended.

After a way-too-serious week around Commander Park, here are 10 signs the game is going well:

» Owner Dan Snyder lets Tom Cruise jump on the couch in owner’s box and doesn’t make personnel director Vinny Cerrato stand in the corner.

» Southeast Jerome pops out of Clinton Portis’ uniform after scoring a touchdown.

» Offensive guru Al Saunders advance orders five free toppings for his pizza on Monday. Unfortunately, they’re all vanilla.

» Commanders cornerbacks hit someone AFTER they touch the ball.

» Snyder buys oil wells during commercial breaks for his coming theme park “Six Flags over Free Agency” where patrons pay between $50 to $70 for parking based on crude prices.

» Coach Joe Gibbs tells halftime interviewer “we’re throwing the ball well” instead of merely praising Mark Brunell for playing well. Seems the coach won’t be playing favorites anymore.

» Defensive end Andre Carter is playing vertically and crossing the line of scrimmage.

» Former Commanders GM Charley Casserly is watching his beloved Nats at RFK because his old Texans are losing.

» Coaches stop blaming LaVar Arrington for all the blown defensive assignments.

» Brunell tries to throw a pass away — but a receiver catches it!

However, here are a few signs that it’s not going the Commanders way:

» Gibbs cuts off Saunders’ microphone and starts gesturing offensive plays from the sideline while pointing towards the end zone.

» Quarterback Jason Campbell is playing. Translation? Brunell is lying on the trainer’s table.

» Cerrato is looking for a tree branch to make into a switch.

» Fullback Mike Sellers is the team’s leading receiver and leading rusher.

» Dr. I Don’t Know keeps saying, “Oh, no. Oh, no. No. No. No.”

OK, go have some fun this weekend. It was a rough week so enjoy the great weather and we’ll meet back at 1 p.m. Sunday.

And if things don’t go well, just remember you still have your health.

http://www.examiner.com/printa-306004~Rick_Snider:_All_signs_point_straight_to_must-win.html
 

Jarv

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Has any 0-3 team made the palyoffs ?
 

LeonDixson

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I believe they will beat Houston, expecially if Portis plays and is halfway healthy. However, they stand a very good chance of being 1 - 4 after the Jacksonville and Giants games.

The only thing that can save them is that Portis is indeed such a critical key to their offense that they magically start scoring 20+ PPG when he gets back.
 

Paniolo22

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LeonDixson said:
I believe they will beat Houston, expecially if Portis plays and is halfway healthy. However, they stand a very good chance of being 1 - 4 after the Jacksonville and Giants games.

The only thing that can save them is that Portis is indeed such a critical key to their offense that they magically start scoring 20+ PPG when he gets back.
Agreed. They also had better hope that Springs is just as big a part of their defensive game plan or else they are in twice as much trouble.
 

5Stars

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LeonDixson said:
I believe they will beat Houston, expecially if Portis plays and is halfway healthy. However, they stand a very good chance of being 1 - 4 after the Jacksonville and Giants games.

The only thing that can save them is that Portis is indeed such a critical key to their offense that they magically start scoring 20+ PPG when he gets back.

Well, Portis better hope that he don't get popped on that shoulder again...because I guarantee you, every defense that he goes up against this year knows about his shoulder injury and they WILL try and stick him there...that is no secret in the NFL and I've read many books about players discussing such things as targeting injuries of opposing players...

Now, I'm not hoping for another injury to Portis, but, the condition is there...and that is why most coaches (maybe all coaches for that matter) will not let injuries to their players leak out because other teams do pick up on those kind of things...
 

Mansta54

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LeonDixson said:
I believe they will beat Houston, expecially if Portis plays and is halfway healthy. However, they stand a very good chance of being 1 - 4 after the Jacksonville and Giants games.

The only thing that can save them is that Portis is indeed such a critical key to their offense that they magically start scoring 20+ PPG when he gets back.

I don't!!! Portis doesn't play defense. Their D is absolutely terrible. They can't cover and they have no pass rush. Johnson and Moulds will keep the chains moving all game long... Foreskins will be 0-3, they really aren't a good football team and sunday will further show us that..
 

parchy

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Jarv said:
Has any 0-3 team made the palyoffs ?

Never since it expanded in 1990. And get this: the Eagles were the last team to start 0-2 and make the playoffs, and that was three years ago.

I'd say those Eagles were a tad better than these Commanders.
 

ghst187

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anyone else think that Houston will score at least 20 points? I do.
I think Houston has a good chance to win this game.
I don't know if they will...but I do think that they will score some points.
And Wash can't score much unless Portis plays close to 100%.
 

superpunk

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Angus said:
so this is a time to get happy real fast before playing Jacksonville and the New York Giants in coming weeks.

Even if they win, it's a real good chance they go 1-4 the first 5.
 

Angus

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parchy said:
Never since it expanded in 1990. And get this: the Eagles were the last team to start 0-2 and make the playoffs, and that was three years ago.

I'd say those Eagles were a tad better than these Commanders.

Not disputing you, Parchy, but I just ran across this:

Since 1990, just three teams -- the 1992 San Diego Chargers, 1995 Detroit Lions and 1998 Buffalo Bills -- have rebounded to make the playoffs after losing its first three games.

http://sportsillustrated.cnn.com/2006/football/nfl/09/23/bc.fbn.panthers.buccaneers.ap/index.html
 

Funxva

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the kid 05

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parchy said:
Never since it expanded in 1990. And get this: the Eagles were the last team to start 0-2 and make the playoffs, and that was three years ago.

I'd say those Eagles were a tad better than these Commanders.
where we not the only team to go 0-2 and win the super bowl or am i way off
 

Manster68

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Angus said:
Not disputing you, Parchy, but I just ran across this:

Since 1990, just three teams -- the 1992 San Diego Chargers, 1995 Detroit Lions and 1998 Buffalo Bills -- have rebounded to make the playoffs after losing its first three games.

http://sportsillustrated.cnn.com/2006/football/nfl/09/23/bc.fbn.panthers.buccaneers.ap/index.html


The Chargers were actually 0-4. I was in the Southern California area at that time and they were quite electrified by their resiliance to come back like that.
 
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