YosemiteSam
Unfriendly and Aloof!
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Dear Terrell Owens,
Like probably millions of Americans engaged in the national mini-obsession with fantasy football, I received your open letter on Sept. 4. Sorry it took so long to reply, but I've been waiting to see a little performance before I commented directly. Now that we're a month into the season and I have a little time, I figured I'd drop you a quick line.
And that line is: Cut it out!
While you wrote promising sweet returns on your play in 2007, you neglected to calculate that, in traditional non-salary cap draft leagues, over 90 percent of fantasy owners would suffer if you came through like you promised. (Yes, I know that technically the letter was addressed to "to ESPN Fantasy Owners," but the game over at The Worldwide Leader in [American] Sports goes by the same scoring system with regard to receivers as ours does.)
--- Terrell Owens wrote:
I want to help your fantasy team win its league title ... and that means generating huge statistics. This year our offense is set up to make big plays. We worked hard during the preseason and we're going to connect on a lot of touchdowns. Coach and I are on the same page. He understands my role and how I can help us win.
So here is my pledge to all fantasy owners who draft me in 2007:
I will catch the ball.
I will score touchdowns.
I will have a great season.
... I'm aiming for 100 catches, 1,500 yards and at least 20 touchdowns. With our quarterback passing the ball, this is entirely possible.
And speaking of my QB ... you might as well draft him too, because he's going to the Pro Bowl this year.
Put me on your team and you won't be disappointed. I am going to help you win your fantasy league this season.
OK, T.O., we get your point. Now you're scaring me and my league's nine other non-Owens owning fantasy owners. Colleague Eric Krupka's team somehow managed to combine you and Randy Moss on the same damn roster, while I -- with my chicken-like instincts -- ended up with Reggie Brown in a starting position.
Now, don't get me wrong, T.O. I've always been a fan of yours, defending you when no one saw beyond your controversy-loving, team-distracting bad self. So don't you owe me one?
And yes, the year you've been putting together has been thrilling; dude, you're like a human steroid for Tony Romo's stats like Moss has been for Brady's. "He's going to the Pro Bowl this year," you wrote. All right, we believe you.
Speaking of stats (and this is the heart of the problem), T.O., may I remind you that there are other ways to help your team on offense? Last year, you did so well in the decoy role, letting Romo and Drew Bledsoe find Terry Glenn 70 times; don't you think some of your teammates deserve some of the glory, too? I mean, what happened to Little T learning to share?
After three games, you've made good on your promise to owners to the tune of 20 (87 yards receiving with two TD receptions), 15 (97 and one TD) and 14 (based on a ridiculous 145 yards receiving) points. Apparently, you're even dangerous when not putting the ball into the end zone.
What's worse is that your outlandish self-forecast for the season appears scarily prescient in predicting 100 catches, 1,500 yards and 20 TDs. Right now, you're on pace for 85/1,750/16. It's just not fair.
Krupka's team has a 55-point lead over the nearest competitor and you are responsible for 49 of them, T.O. Wide receivers aren't supposed to make that sort of impact. Seriously, how was I supposed to know I should draft a WR before the fourth round? It's not that I didn't believe you or anything, but ...
--- Terrell Owens wrote:
I want to help your fantasy team win its league title.
Do you really, T.O.? Then do most of us a favor. Go back to your old ways. Drop the ball at a couple of key moments, create a controversy (Hey, I hear Wade Phillips wants to bench you next week) - don't you remember how good all that negative media attention felt?
If you want to help, just stop being so damn good.
Sincerely,
Os Davis
Dear Terrell Owens,
Like probably millions of Americans engaged in the national mini-obsession with fantasy football, I received your open letter on Sept. 4. Sorry it took so long to reply, but I've been waiting to see a little performance before I commented directly. Now that we're a month into the season and I have a little time, I figured I'd drop you a quick line.
And that line is: Cut it out!
While you wrote promising sweet returns on your play in 2007, you neglected to calculate that, in traditional non-salary cap draft leagues, over 90 percent of fantasy owners would suffer if you came through like you promised. (Yes, I know that technically the letter was addressed to "to ESPN Fantasy Owners," but the game over at The Worldwide Leader in [American] Sports goes by the same scoring system with regard to receivers as ours does.)
--- Terrell Owens wrote:
I want to help your fantasy team win its league title ... and that means generating huge statistics. This year our offense is set up to make big plays. We worked hard during the preseason and we're going to connect on a lot of touchdowns. Coach and I are on the same page. He understands my role and how I can help us win.
So here is my pledge to all fantasy owners who draft me in 2007:
I will catch the ball.
I will score touchdowns.
I will have a great season.
... I'm aiming for 100 catches, 1,500 yards and at least 20 touchdowns. With our quarterback passing the ball, this is entirely possible.
And speaking of my QB ... you might as well draft him too, because he's going to the Pro Bowl this year.
Put me on your team and you won't be disappointed. I am going to help you win your fantasy league this season.
OK, T.O., we get your point. Now you're scaring me and my league's nine other non-Owens owning fantasy owners. Colleague Eric Krupka's team somehow managed to combine you and Randy Moss on the same damn roster, while I -- with my chicken-like instincts -- ended up with Reggie Brown in a starting position.
Now, don't get me wrong, T.O. I've always been a fan of yours, defending you when no one saw beyond your controversy-loving, team-distracting bad self. So don't you owe me one?
And yes, the year you've been putting together has been thrilling; dude, you're like a human steroid for Tony Romo's stats like Moss has been for Brady's. "He's going to the Pro Bowl this year," you wrote. All right, we believe you.
Speaking of stats (and this is the heart of the problem), T.O., may I remind you that there are other ways to help your team on offense? Last year, you did so well in the decoy role, letting Romo and Drew Bledsoe find Terry Glenn 70 times; don't you think some of your teammates deserve some of the glory, too? I mean, what happened to Little T learning to share?
After three games, you've made good on your promise to owners to the tune of 20 (87 yards receiving with two TD receptions), 15 (97 and one TD) and 14 (based on a ridiculous 145 yards receiving) points. Apparently, you're even dangerous when not putting the ball into the end zone.
What's worse is that your outlandish self-forecast for the season appears scarily prescient in predicting 100 catches, 1,500 yards and 20 TDs. Right now, you're on pace for 85/1,750/16. It's just not fair.
Krupka's team has a 55-point lead over the nearest competitor and you are responsible for 49 of them, T.O. Wide receivers aren't supposed to make that sort of impact. Seriously, how was I supposed to know I should draft a WR before the fourth round? It's not that I didn't believe you or anything, but ...
--- Terrell Owens wrote:
I want to help your fantasy team win its league title.
Do you really, T.O.? Then do most of us a favor. Go back to your old ways. Drop the ball at a couple of key moments, create a controversy (Hey, I hear Wade Phillips wants to bench you next week) - don't you remember how good all that negative media attention felt?
If you want to help, just stop being so damn good.
Sincerely,
Os Davis
