ekfs
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Cowboys Changing Leagues
In a dramatic press conference held yesterday at the Dallas Cowboys press facility in Texas Stadium, owner Jerry Jones announced his team would be playing next season in the WNFL. “We’re committed to doing whatever it takes to win and we think this gives our team the best chance to win now. We’re going to restore a winning culture and put a product out there that our fans can respect, um ah…. that the fans can watch win and hopefully enjoy.”
The move was reportedly put to a player and coach’s vote and the tally was virtually unanimous in support – only a handful rejected the proposal, apparently feeling a desire to continue playing against strong, motivated, disciplined men, even if it would mean continuing disappointment and humiliation. One player, who voted in favour of the proposal and who wished to remain anonymous, shared his reasoning “we’re getting beat up week in and week out, it hurts physically and emotionally. We don’t want to go home with bruises, aches and pains anymore. Playing in the WNFL, hopefully we can win a few more games and not take the physical beating.”
The Cowboys coach Wade Philips was all smiles when discussing the decision. “Our guys work hard and they need a break – I think this is the break we’ve all been looking for. We considered touch football but the players like wearing the pads to look more football-like. The competition will still be tough but I think playing in this league is better suited to our style – gone will be the brutal toughness and intensity of the NFL and we’re pretty much all thankful for that.”
Cowboys offensive tackle Flozell Adams seemed a little more cautious – “we still have our work cut out for us, these gals can play. I would have preferred touch or flag for Tony's sake .”
To commemorate the move the Cowboys are expected to change their color from silver and blue to silver and pink. Both players and cheerleaders seemed excited about this forthcoming change. Commented on cheerleader “I can’t wait to dance in pink and see our guys in pink – go Cowboys!”
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EKFS, a lifelong and increasingly frustrated and disappointed fan of the Dallas Cowboys, was the author of this parody article.
In a dramatic press conference held yesterday at the Dallas Cowboys press facility in Texas Stadium, owner Jerry Jones announced his team would be playing next season in the WNFL. “We’re committed to doing whatever it takes to win and we think this gives our team the best chance to win now. We’re going to restore a winning culture and put a product out there that our fans can respect, um ah…. that the fans can watch win and hopefully enjoy.”
The move was reportedly put to a player and coach’s vote and the tally was virtually unanimous in support – only a handful rejected the proposal, apparently feeling a desire to continue playing against strong, motivated, disciplined men, even if it would mean continuing disappointment and humiliation. One player, who voted in favour of the proposal and who wished to remain anonymous, shared his reasoning “we’re getting beat up week in and week out, it hurts physically and emotionally. We don’t want to go home with bruises, aches and pains anymore. Playing in the WNFL, hopefully we can win a few more games and not take the physical beating.”
The Cowboys coach Wade Philips was all smiles when discussing the decision. “Our guys work hard and they need a break – I think this is the break we’ve all been looking for. We considered touch football but the players like wearing the pads to look more football-like. The competition will still be tough but I think playing in this league is better suited to our style – gone will be the brutal toughness and intensity of the NFL and we’re pretty much all thankful for that.”
Cowboys offensive tackle Flozell Adams seemed a little more cautious – “we still have our work cut out for us, these gals can play. I would have preferred touch or flag for Tony's sake .”
To commemorate the move the Cowboys are expected to change their color from silver and blue to silver and pink. Both players and cheerleaders seemed excited about this forthcoming change. Commented on cheerleader “I can’t wait to dance in pink and see our guys in pink – go Cowboys!”
--------------
EKFS, a lifelong and increasingly frustrated and disappointed fan of the Dallas Cowboys, was the author of this parody article.
