If you are serious, when is the last time you cleaned your keyboard? It probably has so much crap keeping the keys stuck in the down position.
Make a drawing of all the keys, or take a picture of the keyboard so that you know exactely where the keys go, then take a small screwdriver and pry under the keys one by one and take them all out. Then clean out all the crap in there with a small brush. Then clean all the keys with Windex and put them all back in one by one from where they came out of.
BUT, don't remove the space bar, the Enter Key, or the Shift keys because they are a little harder to get back in because they have a little wire on them that acts like a little spring to return them to their up position.
Now, if this is just some joke, you made me type all this for nothing!!