Jon88
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This was taken from the same site that brought you pooping at work, MIstupid.com. Enjoy...
Classified Ads
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
FREE YORKSHIRE TERRIER.
8 YEARS OLD.
HATEFUL LITTLE DOG.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
FREE PUPPIES:
1/2 COCKER SPANIEL
1/2 SNEAKY NEIGHBOR'S DOG
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
FREE PUPPIES...
PART GERMAN SHEPHERD
PART STUPID DOG
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
FOUND: DIRTY WHITE DOG.
LOOKS LIKE A RAT...
BEEN OUT AWHILE..
BETTER BE REWARD.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
1 MAN, 7 WOMAN HOT TUB --
$850/offer
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
SNOW BLOWER FOR SALE...
ONLY USED ON SNOWY DAYS.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
2 WIRE MESH BUTCHERING GLOVES:
1 5-finger, 1 3-finger, PAIR: $15
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
TICKLE ME ELMO, STILL IN BOX,
COMES WITH ITS OWN 1988 MUSTANG, 5L, AUTO, EXCELLENT CONDITION $6800
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
COWS FOR SALE.
NEVER BRED CALVES.
ALSO 1 GAY BULL FOR SALE.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
FULL SIZED MATTRESS.
20 YR. WARRANTY.
LIKE NEW.
SLIGHT URINE SMELL.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
NORDIC TRACK $300
HARDLY USED, CALL CHUBBY
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
BILL'S SEPTIC CLEANING
"WE HAUL AMERICAN MADE PRODUCTS"
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
HUMMELS - LARGEST SELECTION EVER
"IF IT'S IN STOCK, WE HAVE HEY THIS COULD BE OUR NEW MOTTO!!
IT!"
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
HARRISBURG POSTAL EMPLOYEES
GUN CLUB
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
GEORGIA PEACHES
CALIFORNIA GROWN - 89 cents lb.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
NICE PARACHUTE:
NEVER OPENED - USED ONCE
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
TIRED OF WORKING FOR ONLY
$9.75 PER HOUR?
WE OFFER PROFIT SHARING AND FLEXIBLE
HOURS.
STARTING PAY: $7 - $9 PER HOUR.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
EXERCISE EQUIPMENT:
QUEEN SIZE MATTRESS & BOX SPRINGS - $175.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
OUR SOFA WILL SEAT THE WHOLE MOB. 100% ITALIAN LEATHER.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
JOINING NUDIST COLONY!
SELLING WASHER & DRYER $300.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
ALZHEIMER'S CENTER PREPARES
FOR AN AFFAIR TO REMEMBER
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
OPEN HOUSE
BODY SHAPERS TONING SALON
FREE COFFEE & DONUTS
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
FOR SALE BY OWNER
COMPLETE SET OF ENCYCLOPEDIA BRITANNICA. 45 VOLUMES. EXCELLENT CONDITION. $1,000.00 NEGOTIABLE. NO LONGER NEEDED. RECENTLY MARRIED; WIFE KNOWS EVERYTHING.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------
Stupidity or Irony?
The average cost of rehabilitating a seal after the Exxon Valdez oil spill in Alaska was $80, 000. At a special ceremony, two of the most expensively saved animals were released back into the wild amid cheers and applause from onlookers. A minute later, in full view, a killer whale ate them both.
A psychology student in New York rented out her spare room to a carpenter in order to nag him constantly and study his reactions. After weeks of needling, he snapped and beat her with an axe leaving her mentally ********.
A woman came home to find her husband in the kitchen, shaking frantically with what looked like a wire running from his waist towards the electric kettle. Intending to jolt him away from the deadly current she whacked him with a handy plank of wood by the back door, breaking his arm in two places. Until that moment he had been happily listening to his Walkman.
Two animal rights protesters were protesting at the cruelty of sending pigs to a slaughterhouse in Bonn Germany. Suddenly the pigs, all two thousand of them, escaped through a broken fence and stampeded, trampling the two hapless protesters to death.
Iraqi terrorist, Khay Rahnajet, didn't pay enough postage on a letter bomb. It came back with "return to sender" stamped on it. Forgetting it was the bomb, he opened it and was blown to bits.
Stupid People
When his 38-caliber revolver failed to fire at its intended victim during a holdup in Long Beach, California, would be robber James Elliot did something that can only inspire wonder: He peered down the barrel and tried the trigger again. This time it worked.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
The chef at a hotel in Switzerland lost a finger in a meat cutting machine and, after a little hopping around, submitted a claim to his insurance company. The company, suspecting negligence, sent out one of its men to have a look for himself. He tried the machine out and lost a finger. The chef's claim was approved.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
A man who shoveled snow for an hour to clear a space for his car during blizzard in Chicago returned with his vehicle to find a woman had taken the space. Understandably, he shot her.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
After stopping for drinks at an illegal bar, a Zimbabwean bus driver found that the 20 mental patients he was supposed to be transporting from Harare to Bulawayo had escaped. Not wanting to admit his incompetence, the driver went to a nearby bus-stop and offered everyone waiting there a free ride. He then delivered the passengers to the mental hospital, telling the staff that the patients were very excitable and prone to bizarre fantasies. The deception wasn't discovered for 3 days.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
An American teenager was in the hospital recovering from serious injuries. Asked how he received the injuries, the lad told police that he was simply trying to see how close he could get his head to a moving train before he was hit.
----------------------------------------------------------------------------
A mother took her daughter to the doctor and asked him to give her an examination to determine the cause of her daughters swollen abdomen. It only took the doctor about 2 seconds to say "Your daughter is pregnant."
The mother turned red with fury and she argued with the doctor that her daughter was a good girl and would not compromise her reputation by having sex with a boy. The doctor faced the window and silently watched the horizon.
The mother became enraged and screamed, "Quit looking out the window! Aren't you paying attention to me?"
"Yes, of course I am paying attention ma'am. It's just that the last time this happened, a star appeared in the East, and three wise men came. I was hoping that they would show up again."
Classified Ads
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
FREE YORKSHIRE TERRIER.
8 YEARS OLD.
HATEFUL LITTLE DOG.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
FREE PUPPIES:
1/2 COCKER SPANIEL
1/2 SNEAKY NEIGHBOR'S DOG
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
FREE PUPPIES...
PART GERMAN SHEPHERD
PART STUPID DOG
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
FOUND: DIRTY WHITE DOG.
LOOKS LIKE A RAT...
BEEN OUT AWHILE..
BETTER BE REWARD.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
1 MAN, 7 WOMAN HOT TUB --
$850/offer
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
SNOW BLOWER FOR SALE...
ONLY USED ON SNOWY DAYS.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
2 WIRE MESH BUTCHERING GLOVES:
1 5-finger, 1 3-finger, PAIR: $15
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
TICKLE ME ELMO, STILL IN BOX,
COMES WITH ITS OWN 1988 MUSTANG, 5L, AUTO, EXCELLENT CONDITION $6800
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
COWS FOR SALE.
NEVER BRED CALVES.
ALSO 1 GAY BULL FOR SALE.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
FULL SIZED MATTRESS.
20 YR. WARRANTY.
LIKE NEW.
SLIGHT URINE SMELL.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
NORDIC TRACK $300
HARDLY USED, CALL CHUBBY
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
BILL'S SEPTIC CLEANING
"WE HAUL AMERICAN MADE PRODUCTS"
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
HUMMELS - LARGEST SELECTION EVER
"IF IT'S IN STOCK, WE HAVE HEY THIS COULD BE OUR NEW MOTTO!!
IT!"
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
HARRISBURG POSTAL EMPLOYEES
GUN CLUB
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
GEORGIA PEACHES
CALIFORNIA GROWN - 89 cents lb.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
NICE PARACHUTE:
NEVER OPENED - USED ONCE
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
TIRED OF WORKING FOR ONLY
$9.75 PER HOUR?
WE OFFER PROFIT SHARING AND FLEXIBLE
HOURS.
STARTING PAY: $7 - $9 PER HOUR.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
EXERCISE EQUIPMENT:
QUEEN SIZE MATTRESS & BOX SPRINGS - $175.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
OUR SOFA WILL SEAT THE WHOLE MOB. 100% ITALIAN LEATHER.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
JOINING NUDIST COLONY!
SELLING WASHER & DRYER $300.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
ALZHEIMER'S CENTER PREPARES
FOR AN AFFAIR TO REMEMBER
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
OPEN HOUSE
BODY SHAPERS TONING SALON
FREE COFFEE & DONUTS
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
FOR SALE BY OWNER
COMPLETE SET OF ENCYCLOPEDIA BRITANNICA. 45 VOLUMES. EXCELLENT CONDITION. $1,000.00 NEGOTIABLE. NO LONGER NEEDED. RECENTLY MARRIED; WIFE KNOWS EVERYTHING.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------
Stupidity or Irony?
The average cost of rehabilitating a seal after the Exxon Valdez oil spill in Alaska was $80, 000. At a special ceremony, two of the most expensively saved animals were released back into the wild amid cheers and applause from onlookers. A minute later, in full view, a killer whale ate them both.
A psychology student in New York rented out her spare room to a carpenter in order to nag him constantly and study his reactions. After weeks of needling, he snapped and beat her with an axe leaving her mentally ********.
A woman came home to find her husband in the kitchen, shaking frantically with what looked like a wire running from his waist towards the electric kettle. Intending to jolt him away from the deadly current she whacked him with a handy plank of wood by the back door, breaking his arm in two places. Until that moment he had been happily listening to his Walkman.
Two animal rights protesters were protesting at the cruelty of sending pigs to a slaughterhouse in Bonn Germany. Suddenly the pigs, all two thousand of them, escaped through a broken fence and stampeded, trampling the two hapless protesters to death.
Iraqi terrorist, Khay Rahnajet, didn't pay enough postage on a letter bomb. It came back with "return to sender" stamped on it. Forgetting it was the bomb, he opened it and was blown to bits.
Stupid People
When his 38-caliber revolver failed to fire at its intended victim during a holdup in Long Beach, California, would be robber James Elliot did something that can only inspire wonder: He peered down the barrel and tried the trigger again. This time it worked.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
The chef at a hotel in Switzerland lost a finger in a meat cutting machine and, after a little hopping around, submitted a claim to his insurance company. The company, suspecting negligence, sent out one of its men to have a look for himself. He tried the machine out and lost a finger. The chef's claim was approved.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
A man who shoveled snow for an hour to clear a space for his car during blizzard in Chicago returned with his vehicle to find a woman had taken the space. Understandably, he shot her.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
After stopping for drinks at an illegal bar, a Zimbabwean bus driver found that the 20 mental patients he was supposed to be transporting from Harare to Bulawayo had escaped. Not wanting to admit his incompetence, the driver went to a nearby bus-stop and offered everyone waiting there a free ride. He then delivered the passengers to the mental hospital, telling the staff that the patients were very excitable and prone to bizarre fantasies. The deception wasn't discovered for 3 days.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
An American teenager was in the hospital recovering from serious injuries. Asked how he received the injuries, the lad told police that he was simply trying to see how close he could get his head to a moving train before he was hit.
----------------------------------------------------------------------------
A mother took her daughter to the doctor and asked him to give her an examination to determine the cause of her daughters swollen abdomen. It only took the doctor about 2 seconds to say "Your daughter is pregnant."
The mother turned red with fury and she argued with the doctor that her daughter was a good girl and would not compromise her reputation by having sex with a boy. The doctor faced the window and silently watched the horizon.
The mother became enraged and screamed, "Quit looking out the window! Aren't you paying attention to me?"
"Yes, of course I am paying attention ma'am. It's just that the last time this happened, a star appeared in the East, and three wise men came. I was hoping that they would show up again."
