Getting married October 9th

[VietCowboy]

Gottman (who is famous for his marital therapy) did several studies on married couples and found:

Couples divorce in the first seven years (M = 5.2) or around 16-20 (M = 16.4) years of marrriage (>90% accuracy)

For early divorcers, there's a high presence of negative interaction during conflicts (high conflict)

For late divorces, general absence of positive affect (loss of intimacy and emotional connection).

In happy couples, there's a 20 to 1 positivity in interactions. In conflicted couples the positivity in interactions is only 5 to 1. In soon-to-divorce couples, is .8 to 1. Doesn't mean there shouldn't be any negativity, because you should, it should just be a lot less than positivity.

 

[Joe Realist]

• Plan for the marriage, rather than the wedding
• Be on the same page with finances from the beginning
• Talk about children, parenting, well before you have them
• Be unified, don't let parents, in-laws, sway you
• Save $$, you won't need half the stuff you think you do
• Finally and most importantly, don't forget your friends

 

[Muhast]

• Plan for the marriage, rather than the wedding
• Be on the same page with finances from the beginning
• Talk about children, parenting, well before you have them
• Be unified, don't let parents, in-laws, sway you
• Save $$, you won't need half the stuff you think you do
• Finally and most importantly, don't forget your friends

All are very valid tips. We've been taking wedding counseling,reading books etc.

 

[Bob Sacamano]

Congrats, Muhast.

 

[Muhast]

Congrats, Muhast.

Thanks! We got our marriage license today, so that was the last thing we had to worry about. Everything else is taken care of now, so the final days will be easy!

 

[Bob Sacamano]

Thanks! We got our marriage license today, so that was the last thing we had to worry about. Everything else is taken care of now, so the final days will be easy!

Do you have to pay for a marriage license?

 

[Muhast]

Do you have to pay for a marriage license?

Yep, it was 56 dollars.

 

[bbgun]

This guy has a great blog.

http://roissy.wordpress.com/2008/01/14/dont-get-married/

 

[gbrittain]

You can be right or you can be happy. I promise you will remember this.

 

[CATCH17]

 

[TheCount]

I'm getting married Oct 10th, god help us both.

We ALSO happened to pick up our marriage license today. It was a little creepy seeing people getting married IN a government building. The whole atmosphere there was different than any other government building I've been to. For starters, we were in and out of there in 15 minutes. I went to fight a parking ticket a few weeks ago and it took literally 4 hours of back and forth.

 

[trickblue]

I'm getting married Oct 10th, god help us both.

We ALSO happened to pick up our marriage license today. It was a little creepy seeing people getting married IN a government building. The whole atmosphere there was different than any other government building I've been to. For starters, we were in and out of there in 15 minutes. I went to fight a parking ticket a few weeks ago and it took literally 4 hours of back and forth.

The creepiest part is that someone would marry you...

 

[Muhast]

I'm getting married Oct 10th, god help us both.

We ALSO happened to pick up our marriage license today. It was a little creepy seeing people getting married IN a government building. The whole atmosphere there was different than any other government building I've been to. For starters, we were in and out of there in 15 minutes. I went to fight a parking ticket a few weeks ago and it took literally 4 hours of back and forth.

Same! I took the entire day off thinking this would be a long adventure, but was out within 20-25 minutes. I filled out a clipboard paper, handed them the money and that was that.

If only all government court experiences were this easy.

Best of luck btw Count and congrats!

 

[Hostile]

Some people will tell you that marriage is 50/50 give and take. That is a recipe for disaster. You have to give 100%, she has to give 100%, together it works.

Intelligent people will disagree. Don't make it personal. Yelling solves nothing. A friend of my nephew's gave him some advice at the wedding reception. If you are going to fight and yell, both of you get naked and go ahead. Pretty soon you realize how ridiculous it is and well, you know...

Sex can't only be about you. The world has to move for her too. My Mom once told me that foreplay begins at 6:00 a.m. with simply being pleasant and staying pleasant.

She's your wife, not your servant. My wife only irons my dress shirts if I am running out of time and she offers to help. It is a simple thing and she appreciates it. I do the dishes without being asked. I take out the trash without being asked. If she's working I cook Dinner. Her friends were amazed that she found a guy who would do that. That's sad.

Be a gentleman, open her door for the rest of her life.

Make every Friday your date night. Set it aside for the two of you. Just you and her until you have kids and then once you know a babysitter you trust make it about her again. You don't have to spend any money. A walk in a park to feed the ducks is fine. The time is valuable.

The boys you used to hang out with need to move down the importance ladder.

Never make jokes about your marriage. I can't even watch TV shows that mock marriage. Like the show with the Bundy's. I have never seen it and never will. I consider my marriage important enough to not destroy by denigrating it in any way.

I know I am forgetting a lot of stuff. If you think of things, PM me and ask. I will never make a joke of this topic.

She's beautiful. You already know that. Growing old and bearing children causes beauty to fade. Love who she is more than how she looks. It matters.

 

[Gemini Dolly]

"Marriage is a three ring circus: engagement ring, wedding ring, and suffering."
:

 

[CliffnDallas]

Any advice as I start my life as a husband in less than 20 days?

If you want companionship buy a dog. They cost less to keep and nobody really cares if you take them out in the woods and shoot them, as long as you have a good reason.

 

[KJJ]

Married life is full of excitement and frustration. In the first year when you talk your wife will usually listen. In the second year when your wife talks you better listen. In the third year when you both talk your neighbors will listen.

 

[YosemiteSam]

"Marriage is a three ring circus: engagement ring, wedding ring, and suffering."
:

Women are the path to the dark side. Woman lead to love, love leads to marriage, marriage leads to suffering.

 

[CATCH17]

Wow... This thread makes me really not want to get married.

 

[big dog cowboy]

Any advice as I start my life as a husband in less than 20 days?

There is a lot of good advice in this thread already so I'll just say good luck!

By the way, you couldn't get married one week earlier on our bye week?