Grief

[Cowboys&LakersFan]

How long should one take to grief when losing a loved one?

 

[Teren_Kanan]

As long as they need to.

Grieving tends to tie into emotional control. A high level of emotional control is a good thing, so needing less time to grieve is probably a positive, but needing no time to grieve is probably a negative.

 

[Hostile]

There's no right answer for that. When my Mom died last year I hardly grieved at all. Not because I don't miss her, I do. But she had been suffering for a long time and I was just so relieved she doesn't have to any more. But there are days when it hits me.

I lost a son 17 years ago this September. On the anniversary of that date I am always a little sad.

Some people mourn death. I try not to. I miss my loved ones who have passed on but their lives gave me so much joy. I feel it is wrong to let their memories be pushed aside so I can mourn.

But not everyone is wired that way, nor should everyone try to be. You deal with it however you have to. Don't be pigeon holed by anyone else's parameters. When you feel in your heart that you don't need to grieve any more, it is the right amount of time and not a moment sooner than when you feel it.

 

[Meat-O-Rama]

As long as they need to.

 

[CowboyMcCoy]

As long and as often as it takes. Talking about it helps too. I, like Hos, lost my child, my daughter almost two years ago. She was born on my birthday. I can already feel it getting harder and my 35th birthday was spent avoiding the thought that it was our birthday, which was something I was ecstatic about when she was born. She made it until 2am, on my birthday. I was so proud of her. I still am. And I still grieve two years later. It's painful, but it gets better little by little. I know it's hard, but for me I had to stop hating myself and just let myself deal with what happened. Since that incident, I've been dealing with post traumatic stress syndrome and bouts of depression and grief. Hang in there, man. Better days are ahead of what will probably be a rough time in the near future.

Mind if I ask who you're grieving over?

 

[Cowboys&LakersFan]

Reason I'm asking this is because I've dealt with quite abit of grief. I lost my cousin after my 10th birthday, then I lost my uncle at age 13 and my grandma a few months later, and last year I lost a very close family friend who was actually more like a big brother. My uncle's death was by far the toughest because he was brutally murdered. Almost lost my brother during Christmas 2009. He was stabbed 10 times I believe and somehow survived. I also almost lost my aunt to cancer, but thankfully she beat it.

 

[jobberone]

We used to say more than 6 months was abnormal. Then two years. Now we believe you can mourn the rest of your life. It is how we choose to allow it to affect us that is most important for our own well being. The past is a doorway that should neither be locked nor left open all the time. Take the time you need but you must eventually leave that room and walk in the sunshine.

 

[WV Cowboy]

There's no right answer for that.

You deal with it however you have to. Don't be pigeon holed by anyone else's parameters. When you feel in your heart that you don't need to grieve any more, it is the right amount of time and not a moment sooner than when you feel it.

This is good advice C&LF.

Everyone deals differently, don't try to grieve the way someone else thinks you should.

Do what you need to do.

 

[Doomsday101]

How long should one take to grief when losing a loved one?

As others said as long as the person needs to. If it is someone you know who is going through this then be there for them and support them throught out it.

 

[Yeagermeister]

My oldest sister died 2 1/2 yrs ago and I still miss her. Every once in a while something will remind me of her.

 

[ABQCOWBOY]

It's a natural thing to grieve and it's healthy. You have to have that process in order to cope and it can be confusion as to how long it might take and how long maybe you think it is appropriate to grieve. Sometimes, those are two different things. I have had many a good friend and family that have passed on and you feel sometimes like you owe them the grieving process and sometimes you may even feel like you have kind of gotten past it but maybe it's too soon to stop because of a sense of respect. I don't know if that's the case for you CLF, it may not be. I can say this, there are many ways to remember somebody. It is not always grieving. Sometimes, it's celebrating that person. We do that with Pops on this board everyday. We celebrate him. Just something to consider if that's what you are struggling with.

 

[Viper]

Grief and depression are two different feelings. Depression often comes with grief, it's the more difficult emotion to concur. We have all lost someone; it's a part of life. Grief is an emotion each of us face. How much you grieve depends on how intimately your relationship progressed. I knew a girl in high school, she passed away thirty years ago. I still feel a tug on my heart when I think of her. I lost my son fifteen years ago. I know I'll grieve for him the rest of my life. There are times a thought will bring tears another thought will bring a smile or laughter. My son was a part of me, I have him and am comforted knowing he is with my Lord. He will never come back to me, yet one day I will go to him. I believe I was giving a true blessing, even though it was a short period of time. Yet all life, this life is just a breeze in the wind. Life is short for all of us.

I think your true question is how long should one be depressed. Depression is a battle, my nephew lost that battle. Depression can be a battle for ones life. If you are battling this foe, talk to someone. Get active, sports is a great way to battle depression. Working out is another activity that will help you. Challenge yourself. My relationship with the Lord helps me more than I could ever express.

 

[BlueStar3398]

We used to say more than 6 months was abnormal. Then two years. Now we believe you can mourn the rest of your life. It is how we choose to allow it to affect us that is most important for our own well being. The past is a doorway that should neither be locked nor left open all the time. Take the time you need but you must eventually leave that room and walk in the sunshine.

I agree with this. It is natural to grieve and morn a loss. I think that if a significant amount of time has passed and you're not getting better, it's time to get help with working through it. Life has to go on.

When my brother died, it was devastating. My mom did not act like herself for 2 years. I think as time passes, grief comes in waves. Something will happen to bring on a memory. You feel the loss again, but you keep going.

 

[TheSport78]

It's individual, in my opinion. The grieving process does come and eventually go, but you never forget the person(s) and the impact they had on your life.

 

[JustDezIt]

take as long as you need bro, its normal to be sad about sad things

 

[Cowboys&LakersFan]

Great advice guys.

 

[CanadianCowboysFan]

Reason I'm asking this is because I've dealt with quite abit of grief. I lost my cousin after my 10th birthday, then I lost my uncle at age 13 and my grandma a few months later, and last year I lost a very close family friend who was actually more like a big brother. My uncle's death was by far the toughest because he was brutally murdered. Almost lost my brother during Christmas 2009. He was stabbed 10 times I believe and somehow survived. I also almost lost my aunt to cancer, but thankfully she beat it.

depends what you consider grief, if you are crying all the, can't function because of it, then you should see a counsellor or someone to talk to about it

if you just miss them but your life goes on normally other than a few thoughts, then you aren't really grieving

I wish CCF's dad were still around and I miss him, but I do not dread father's day anymore (mostly because now I am the father) but in the end, I am no longer grieving.

 

[Cowboys&LakersFan]

depends what you consider grief, if you are crying all the, can't function because of it, then you should see a counsellor or someone to talk to about it

if you just miss them but your life goes on normally other than a few thoughts, then you aren't really grieving

I wish CCF's dad were still around and I miss him, but I do not dread father's day anymore (mostly because now I am the father) but in the end, I am no longer grieving.

I'm not really a cryer. I rarely have cried in my life. I usually just hold it in. Perhaps that's the problems. Out of all the funerals I attended I only cried at one of them.

 

[StevenOtero]

I'm not really a cryer. I rarely have cried in my life. I usually just hold it in. Perhaps that's the problems. Out of all the funerals I attended I only cried at one of them.

Find some kind of outlet to let it all out, holding it in from my experience only makes it worse.

I lost my Dad last May, and it's something you never get over.

 

[KLJ]

10 days