Guidelines for Southern Implants

WoodysGirl

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If you are from the northern states and planning on visiting or moving to the South, there are a few things you should know that will help you adapt to the difference in lifestyles:

The North has coffee houses, The South has Waffle Houses

The North has dating services, The South has family reunions.

The North has switchblade knives, The South has Lee Press-on Nails.

The North has double last names, The South has double first names.

The North has Indy car races, The South has stock car races.

The North has Cream of Wheat, The South has grits.

The North has green salads, The South has collard greens

The North has lobsters, The South has crawdads.

The North has the rust belt, The South! has the Bible Belt..

In the South: --If you run your car into a ditch, don't panic. Four men in a four-wheel drive pickup truck with a tow chain will be along shortly. Don't try to help them, just stay out of their way. This is what they live for.

Don't be surprised to find movie rentals and bait in the same store....do not buy food at this store.

Remember, "y'all" is singular, "all y'all" is plural, and "all y'all's" is plural possessive.

Get used to hearing "You ain't from round here, are ya?"

Save all manner of bacon grease. You will be instructed later on how to use it.

Don't be worried at not understanding what people are saying. They can't understand you either. The first Southern statement to creep into a transplanted Northerner's vocabulary is the adjective "big'ol," truck or "big'ol" boy. Most Northerners begin their Southern-influenced dialect this way. ! All of them are in denial about it.

The proper pronunciation you learned in school is no longer proper.

Be advised that "He needed killin" is a valid defense here.

If you hear a Southerner exclaim, "Hey, y'all, watch this," you should stay out of the way. These are likely to be the last words he'l ever say.

If there is the prediction of the slightest chance of even the smallest accumulation of snow, your presence is required at the local grocery store. It doesn't matter whether you need anything or not. You just have to go there.

Do not be surprised to find that 10-year-olds own their own shotguns, they are proficient marksmen, and their mammas taught them how to aim.

In the South, we have found that the best way to grow a lush green lawn is to pour gravel on it and call it a driveway.

AND REMEMBER:

If you do settle in the South and bear children, don't! think we will accept them as Southerners. After all, if the cat had kittens in the oven, we wouldn't call 'em biscuits.

 

ROMOSAPIEN9

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"In the South: --If you run your car into a ditch, don't panic. Four men in a four-wheel drive pickup truck with a tow chain will be along shortly. Don't try to help them, just stay out of their way. This is what they live for."

I swear to everything holy, the only time I ever ran off into a ditch, no more than 10 minutes later a guy stops with a big 4X4 truck with a winch and pulls me out. Then just went on his way.
 

Khartun

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I thought this thread was going to be about butt implants. :mad:
 

WoodysGirl

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DANTHEMAN said:
"In the South: --If you run your car into a ditch, don't panic. Four men in a four-wheel drive pickup truck with a tow chain will be along shortly. Don't try to help them, just stay out of their way. This is what they live for."

I swear to everything holy, the only time I ever ran off into a ditch, no more than 10 minutes later a guy stops with a big 4X4 truck with a winch and pulls me out. Then just went on his way.

Actually you're right... I had some big boxes on the back of my truck and they were about to fly off cuz the stupid guy who loaded them on my computer didn't take into account that it was windy and I was about to get on the freeway and only put one rope around them. Stupid guy:banghead:

Anyway, this guy in a big F-150 saw me pulled off to the side of the road trying to tighten them up. He pulled out this big tube of unopened rope. Tied up my boxes and then said God bless you and bailed...:)

Kinda funny, but I was very thankful.
 

WoodysGirl

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AmarilloCowboyFan said:
I thought this thread was going to be about butt implants. :mad:
sorry to disappoint.:) But if you go find something about butt implants to start a thread, you'll have your butt fix, then.:D
 

BrAinPaiNt

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Just for the record....You All is not just a southern term...I hear it plenty in WV....funny though when visiting relatives in PA the term used is You ins lol
 

BrAinPaiNt

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AmarilloCowboyFan said:
LOL

Nice new sig Brain


Thanks....I hope to be a "Smiling Bob" during and after the draft :D
 

trickblue

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BrAinPaiNt said:
Thanks....I hope to be a "Smiling Bob" during and after the draft :D

Those darn commercials are some of the funniest to EVER hit TV...

The symolism cracks me up... the long drive... the extra tall beer glass... great stuff...
 

BrAinPaiNt

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trickblue said:
Those darn commercials are some of the funniest to EVER hit TV...

The symolism cracks me up... the long drive... the extra tall beer glass... great stuff...


Bob is a stiff negotiator.

yep...those commericals kill me.

Then again after seeing his TV wife ....it's no wonder he needed help :eek: :D
 

Crown Royal

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BrAinPaiNt said:
Just for the record....You All is not just a southern term...I hear it plenty in WV....funny though when visiting relatives in PA the term used is You ins lol

West Virginia (and Virginia) are considered the south, foolish one.
 

Crown Royal

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Wow. Being the nice redneck I am, every statement on here can resemble me.
 

BrAinPaiNt

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Crown Royal said:
West Virginia (and Virginia) are considered the south, foolish one.


The main reason West Virginia split from Virginia is because...they did not want to be part of the South and Confederacy.

There were confederate troops from (virginia at the time but what would later be West Virginia) that numbered around 10k while the union number of soldiers from WV (virginia at the time) were around 30 K.

Around 1861 people were already trying to break away to for a seperate state, which at the time was going to be called Kanawha (for the Kanawha river valley area).

It was not till two years later in June of 1863 before West Virginia was offically another state although many times they tried to make it a seperate state from 1861 till that time.

It could be argued that we are at the bottom of the North East or the top of the South East....but to be considered the South as a whole would not be an accurate picture.
 

Yeagermeister

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BrAinPaiNt said:
The main reason West Virginia split from Virginia is because...they did not want to be part of the South and Confederacy.

There were confederate troops from (virginia at the time but what would later be West Virginia) that numbered around 10k while the union number of soldiers from WV (virginia at the time) were around 30 K.

Around 1861 people were already trying to break away to for a seperate state, which at the time was going to be called Kanawha (for the Kanawha river valley area).

It was not till two years later in June of 1863 before West Virginia was offically another state although many times they tried to make it a seperate state from 1861 till that time.

It could be argued that we are at the bottom of the North East or the top of the South East....but to be considered the South as a whole would not be an accurate picture.
:yawn: :D

Was Robert Byrd alive then also?
 

BrAinPaiNt

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Yeagermeister said:
:yawn: :D

Was Robert Byrd alive then also?


Yes...he was one of the 10k that went to the confederate side haha.
 

k19

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BrAinPaiNt said:
The main reason West Virginia split from Virginia is because...they did not want to be part of the South and Confederacy.

There were confederate troops from (virginia at the time but what would later be West Virginia) that numbered around 10k while the union number of soldiers from WV (virginia at the time) were around 30 K.

Around 1861 people were already trying to break away to for a seperate state, which at the time was going to be called Kanawha (for the Kanawha river valley area).

It was not till two years later in June of 1863 before West Virginia was offically another state although many times they tried to make it a seperate state from 1861 till that time.

It could be argued that we are at the bottom of the North East or the top of the South East....but to be considered the South as a whole would not be an accurate picture.


Mistory lesson for the day. Pay attention boys and girls there may be a test later on this :D

On topic note; I read this to my boss, who has spent his entire life in Mississippi and Georgia for the most part, to my suprise he didnt get it :D
 

BrAinPaiNt

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‹^› ‹(•¿•)› ‹^› said:
Mistory lesson for the day. Pay attention boys and girls there may be a test later on this :D

On topic note; I read this to my boss, who has spent his entire life in Mississippi and Georgia for the most part, to my suprise he didnt get it :D


Chances are he does not know the capitol of West Virginia either.

Funny...while in the army I would get jokers making fun of WV (which is ok as I do as well) and they would talk about the education and this or that.

So then I would ask them what the Capitol of WV was, and or the state flower or bird.

Nobody got all three...rarely someone would get 1 right haha.

Then to prove a point I would rattle off their state capitol, flower, bird and sometimes describe their flag.

Well...that would shut some of them up.

Of course I have forgotten the majority of that info over the years but it was fun.
 
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