I'll go with a more traditional blessing at the table, but here's my own personal blessing.
“Heavenly Father, I thank you for granting me the wisdom to encourage my dear family members to commit to a 12:45 EST for the carving the of the turkey, setting of table, and enjoyment of our holiday feast. May we use thy food to sustain our bodies to do thy will and provide us with the nourishment required to perform admirably during backyard football festivities. During said festivities, may my cuts be crisp, my hands reliable, and may I still be fleet of foot (at least from my own perception). If I appear enervated, I pray that you show mercy and offset my condition by smiting (maybe a mild hammy tweak) those attempting to impede my progress, particularly if it’s my Dwight Clark jersey wearing nephew who continues to mock me for past and current Cowboys failures. His (nephew) existence wasn’t even a consideration at the time of “The Catch”! I pray that this year our backyard contest commences without physical altercation(s) and threats of **** being gifted for Christmas gift exchange – made things uncomfortable last year when the threat was carried to completion. I offer thanks for the splendid deserts that will fill our plates as we take our seats to watch the mighty Dallas Cowboys obliterate the Washington Whatever’s, and I give a special thanks for instilling in me the ability to focus on 65” of Samsung OLED 4K while meaningless conversations of ‘Guess who died’ and ‘No, she didn’t know he was bi-sexual when she married him’ will fall on my deaf ears. Today’s events aside, I do give thanks for being in the great company of my beloved misfits, a very special thanks to those who protect our freedoms worldwide, and I wish a safe and Happy Thanksgiving to those on CZ.”
Thanks for lending an ear.