How about an official thread about farts?

[MetalHead]

Question related to this. Why is it when something stinks, we smell it twice? Let's say I'm not sure about the milk so I open it up and take a sniff. If it is sour I am going to sniff it again. Then for some unknown reason I am going to hand it to someone else and demand that they smell it. Strange thing is, they will...twice.

Why do we smell stinky stuff twice?

Why?,because everybody likes their own brand.
Ever tried lighting farts on fire?
I have done it successfully...it's a blue flame.

 

[MetalHead]

The quadruple whammy
Definition: It happens all at once - Cough/Sneeze/Fart in class

Setting: Spring 1983, 3rd period English class, Junior Year

My mom had made tacos and burritos the night before and I ate to my then teen age heart's content. I had a Spring cold from the changing weather (cold for a few days, warm for a few days). Sitting there in class, my nose got that itchy "I'm going to sneeze" feeling. So, I prepared to hold the snot from flying with the paper towel I had been carrying. Just as I am about to sneeze, my throat started itching to cough. I reared my head back for the sneeze and let loose. That's when the burrito's revenge from the night before hit me.

I sneezed, coughed and farted all at the same time. It was such a calamity the entire class turned to look at me to see if I keeled over dead from the massive eplosion of air from three bodily orifices. I was so stunned, I just sat there in silence for a moment. That's when the teacher, much to my chagrin, asked "Do you need to see the nurse?"

I just nodded and exited the class.

When I was in high school something similar happened.
Some girls like to sit with one leg under their butt.
This girl was sitting just like that while building flatulent pressure.
At some point sitting in said position became uncomfy,so she decided to switch.
That's when it happened,as she moved her leg out from under her a loud fart came out.The classroom went dead quiet for a brief moment,until two of the students burst into incontrollable laughter,and chaos ensued.
That fart was a landmark in time.When asked about high school events we have to clarify when did something happened,BOF(before Odile's fart) and AOF(after...).
It was during History class no less...you can't make up stuff like that.

 

[Batman]

This guy here looks like this fart took everything out of him. He might wanna check his shorts also.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=C5MeywVZIYA

 

[Tusan_Homichi]

The best approach to relieve yourself of built up pressure in a public setting is the "crop dusting" approach. Let it out slowly while you're moving. The smell will be so spread out that people won't have a clue that it was you that did it.

 

[cowboyfan4life_mark]

The best approach to relieve yourself of built up pressure in a public setting is the "crop dusting" approach. Let it out slowly while you're moving. The smell will be so spread out that people won't have a clue that it was you that did it.

I did this once in a grocery store. I would have gotten away with it if my daughter hadn't said "Daddyyyyyyyy!!!!!!!!!!"

 

[BrAinPaiNt]

I did this once in a grocery store. I would have gotten away with it if my daughter hadn't said "Daddyyyyyyyy!!!!!!!!!!"

I did that at wally world once.

Was in the sporting goods area, specifically in the fishing products section.

Was looking at some artificial bait and so on. Had a wicked air bubble brewing and as I started to leave one side of the aisle I seen a man and his little boy walking into it. So I do a 180 and let the SBD go. I walk out of the other side and walk back around and as I was passing the father and son on the other side they were looking at fishing poles (snoopy or something along that line) and I heard the little boy say....daddy ewwwww you stink and I just started rolling.

 

[BrAinPaiNt]

I have told this one before and it is a funny one but at the same time one of the most embarrassing moments in my life.

My cousin and I were stationed at Fort Polk. He went straight there from basic and AIT while I spent a year in Korea first. We were in different units as well. I had just got done doing 24 hr CQ duty and he had the day off for something else.

He said he would pick me up. We shared a place off post with 3 other guys. First he said...let's stop and get some videos to watch later.

So we stop at the video store.

Have to remember I was still a young man and very single. So we go in the video store and there are two younger ladies working there. Very Hot.

So we walk into the store and I got my uniform still on and I am trying to play it cool.

Well as we walk by the girls to get to the newly released videos I sneeze. Well normally when you sneeze you don't hear anything but in this case I did not have to hear it. I FELT it. It was so loud and forceful that it actually hurt my starfish. It felt like someone took a cheese grader to it.

I was very embarrassed and my cousin was rolling. I could not even look at the girls but out of the corner of my eye I could see them trying not to laugh.

We go and get a few videos and my face is still red but at this time I am in I don't give a darn mode so figured I would go with it.

We went to check out the videos and the girls could barely look me in the eyes.

So I say...did you find it on the floor? They said what and looked down on the floor.

I said my arsehole, I think I blew it off earlier.

They busted out laughing and so did my cousin and I.

 

[vta]

The best approach to relieve yourself of built up pressure in a public setting is the "crop dusting" approach. Let it out slowly while you're moving. The smell will be so spread out that people won't have a clue that it was you that did it.

Too bad this doesn't apply to business meetings, where you're planted to one spot and surrounded by people engrossed in business.

The sidelong frowns could be hard to ignore.
:laugh2:

 

[vta]

I have told this one before and it is a funny one but at the same time one of the most embarrassing moments in my life.

My cousin and I were stationed at Fort Polk. He went straight there from basic and AIT while I spent a year in Korea first. We were in different units as well. I had just got done doing 24 hr CQ duty and he had the day off for something else.

He said he would pick me up. We shared a place off post with 3 other guys. First he said...let's stop and get some videos to watch later.

So we stop at the video store.

Have to remember I was still a young man and very single. So we go in the video store and there are two younger ladies working there. Very Hot.

So we walk into the store and I got my uniform still on and I am trying to play it cool.

Well as we walk by the girls to get to the newly released videos I sneeze. Well normally when you sneeze you don't hear anything but in this case I did not have to hear it. I FELT it. It was so loud and forceful that it actually hurt my starfish. It felt like someone took a cheese grader to it.

I was very embarrassed and my cousin was rolling. I could not even look at the girls but out of the corner of my eye I could see them trying not to laugh.

We go and get a few videos and my face is still red but at this time I am in I don't give a darn mode so figured I would go with it.

We went to check out the videos and the girls could barely look me in the eyes.

So I say...did you find it on the floor? They said what and looked down on the floor.

I said my arsehole, I think I blew it off earlier.

They busted out laughing and so did my cousin and I.

Starfish.
Starfish!!!!
:laugh1:

 

[Yeagermeister]

I have told this one before and it is a funny one but at the same time one of the most embarrassing moments in my life.

My cousin and I were stationed at Fort Polk. He went straight there from basic and AIT while I spent a year in Korea first. We were in different units as well. I had just got done doing 24 hr CQ duty and he had the day off for something else.

He said he would pick me up. We shared a place off post with 3 other guys. First he said...let's stop and get some videos to watch later.

So we stop at the video store.

Have to remember I was still a young man and very single. So we go in the video store and there are two younger ladies working there. Very Hot.

So we walk into the store and I got my uniform still on and I am trying to play it cool.

Well as we walk by the girls to get to the newly released videos I sneeze. Well normally when you sneeze you don't hear anything but in this case I did not have to hear it. I FELT it. It was so loud and forceful that it actually hurt my starfish. It felt like someone took a cheese grader to it.

I was very embarrassed and my cousin was rolling. I could not even look at the girls but out of the corner of my eye I could see them trying not to laugh.

We go and get a few videos and my face is still red but at this time I am in I don't give a darn mode so figured I would go with it.

We went to check out the videos and the girls could barely look me in the eyes.

So I say...did you find it on the floor? They said what and looked down on the floor.

I said my arsehole, I think I blew it off earlier.

They busted out laughing and so did my cousin and I.

I'm surprised they didn't melt like the guy in Indiana Jones after drinking from the wrong grail cup.

:laugh2:

 

[CF74]

A fart is merely a turd honking for the right of way:gassy2:

 

[Chief]

The best approach to relieve yourself of built up pressure in a public setting is the "crop dusting" approach. Let it out slowly while you're moving. The smell will be so spread out that people won't have a clue that it was you that did it.

Crop dusting is an (f) art.

That term usually shows up on those lists.

What's best is when you look back over your shoulder to see the destruction in your wake. I was in Target once and did this ... looked back over my shoulder and a college-aged girl walked into the mist. I swear I saw her knees buckle.

 

[Faerluna]

A friend of ours worked in a car dealership. Once the finance manager did something that ticked our friend off, the details of which escape me.

He retaliated by crop dusting the finance manager's office right before he and some customers (not our friend's customers, of course) went in to close the deal and sign the papers for their new car.

He said the look on the finance manager's face was priceless.