How do you scold you irresponsible parents????

[JohnnyHopkins]

Three years ago, my Grandfather, who did well for himself over the years decided to gift my Mom a large six figure amount. It equates to most of her inheritance, but my Granddad wanted her to have it while he was alive. My mom was a few years away from retirement at the time, so I begged her to put the money in a low yield guaranteed investment account so that the money could weather the down economy and be there for her and my Stepfather when they retired.

They instead proceeded to buy a nice new car, an expensive customized boat, a luxury motor-coach, custom golf cart, clear bottom kayak and other expensive toys. They invested one fifth (what was left) with a guy that they knew who promised a better return than they could get in a conservative fund. Well, he just ended up fleeing the country to evade federal jail time, so now they have zero dollars left from that gift.

My parents went from potentially retiring in style to being badly in debt in three years time. I don't really fault them for buying the motor-coach, because that is what they live in (could have spent less, though). They currently don't use the boat and traded in the car one year later on a Hummer because the car could not pull the boat. Most of the other "toys" were things they could have easily done without and seldom use.

They haven't told me how broke they are because they don't want to hear what I would have to say to them, but I someone that they confided in told me about it.

The sad thing is, My Dad's estate ended up the same way (my stepmother bled him dry) and so did my wife's Dad. All of our parents had a free ride through college got money to buy their first homes, etc. Yet my wife and I had to pay our own way from the time we were legal to work. Since we have done well for ourselves and made good financial decisions, we are scared that we will have to bail them out at some point down the road (already have once) or even have to take them in. This is just warped to me.

Sorry to rant, I don't want to be bitter, but I am just flamingly mad right now (my truck just broke down as well) about how they could take for granted everything they were afforded in life!!!!!!! What do you say to your own parents to get them to stop acting so irresponsibly???

 

[cowboyfan4life_mark]

Three years ago, my Grandfather, who did well for himself over the years decided to gift my Mom a large six figure amount. It equates to most of her inheritance, but my Granddad wanted her to have it while he was alive. My mom was a few years away from retirement at the time, so I begged her to put the money in a low yield guaranteed investment account so that the money could weather the down economy and be there for her and my Stepfather when they retired.

They instead proceeded to buy a nice new car, an expensive customized boat, a luxury motor-coach, custom golf cart, clear bottom kayak and other expensive toys. They invested one fifth (what was left) with a guy that they knew who promised a better return than they could get in a conservative fund. Well, he just ended up fleeing the country to evade federal jail time, so now they have zero dollars left from that gift.

My parents went from potentially retiring in style to being badly in debt in three years time. I don't really fault them for buying the motor-coach, because that is what they live in (could have spent less, though). They currently don't use the boat and traded in the car one year later on a Hummer because the car could not pull the boat. Most of the other "toys" were things they could have easily done without and seldom use.

They haven't told me how broke they are because they don't want to hear what I would have to say to them, but I someone that they confided in told me about it.

The sad thing is, My Dad's estate ended up the same way (my stepmother bled him dry) and so did my wife's Dad. All of our parents had a free ride through college got money to buy their first homes, etc. Yet my wife and I had to pay our own way from the time we were legal to work. Since we have done well for ourselves and made good financial decisions, we are scared that we will have to bail them out at some point down the road (already have once) or even have to take them in. This is just warped to me.

Sorry to rant, I don't want to be bitter, but I am just flamingly mad right now (my truck just broke down as well) about how they could take for granted everything they were afforded in life!!!!!!! What do you say to your own parents to get them to stop acting so irresponsibly???

When and if the time comes, just say no. Parents have to say that to their own children, well it can go the other way also.

 

[Yeagermeister]

In hind sight maybe your Grandfather should have put the money in an investment account with restrictions for her.

 

[lewpac]

I'm sorry to hear that man. And the older generation always bemoans the younger generation, huh? You know, "todays kids" this and "todays kids" that, usually having something to do with irresponsibility, not wanting to work, or being unthankfull. Sounds like the table is turned in your case...............

I wouldn't be so forward as to tell you what to do or to advise you, but I WILL TELL you what I'm gonna' do in the probably near future.

My father died six years ago and my mom is around 75 yrs. old. I got an older brother who lives in the neighborhood, nice guy, no money. My younger brother has Cerebral Palsy and has been at home with the folks his whole life. We're 51, 49 (me), and 47 respectively.

I'm the guy who left the home town (Wilkes-Barre, PA) when I was 19 and, after moving around a little (TX, ND, MN) I ended up in Hawaii these last 23 years. The Good Lord has been good to me and my family. I'm able to own my own business (contractor), had my share of ups and downs, but in general I'm the guy with the most dough in the club. Not rich, but doing a lot better than anyone up there.

My problem is, is that through all the years, nobody listens to me. My parents were minimum wage folks, voted Democrat all their lives, and basically just waited for the government to take care of them in their old age through Social Security, Medicaid, etc.............

My older brother, because he's OLDER THAN ME of course, never wanted to hear anything about finances or planning. He too took a job, worked the same job for over 20 years, and then got laid off three years ago. He now works some menial job, just trying to run out the clock.

My younger brother is capable and able to work and do something with his life, but they coddled him and baby-sat him and let him do whatever he wanted his whole life. He graduated H.S. and all, but because of his condition, they never pushed him to do or be anything. To this day, he just sits around watching T.V. or sings to himself in his room.

I had to pay for my dads funeral, because they of course had no funds for a proper service. They were gonna' bury him in the local Potters field or something. My mom got a check for $1,500.00 after he died for some fund he had set up at work. The funeral cost me over $11,000.00.........

My thing is, that no matter how old I am, I'll always be her "kid" and my brothers "kid brother", so they just turned a deaf ear the last 30 years whenever I tried to broach the subjects of either finances, or what's going to become of my younger brother.

I'll betcha' I've sent over $50,000.00 to them over the years (including a 1997 Chevy Lumina in 2001. Instead of trading it in for the new car, I just sent it to my mom). Every time I turned around, it was five grand for this, six grand for that, etc...............

It came to me about two years ago that (a.), they're never gonna learn and it's too late to change them; and (b.), I had had enough of sending my kids college fund money to my mother and brother. I announced to them that I had tried for forever to start doing something about their money before it's too late, you never listened, so now it's YOUR PROBLEM from here on out.

My mom isn't going to make it another five years, and then the poop is gonna' hit the shoot about taking care of the younger brother and paying for all the stuff that's gonna' come up after she pass's away. It's going to be a little hard, but I'm not budging about "just leave me out of it". I live 10,000 miles away and it sounds crappy, but I've washed my hands of any guilt or family responsibililties when those days come.

Sorry for the rant. My story is from a different angle, but the stance is the same. If I KNOW that I DID ALL I COULD in seeing these times coming, and tried my best to NOT have it going down as it is......................but you refuse to even consider what I was saying, then I'm not gonna' lose any sleep when you call and my answer is a resounding NO!!!!

 

[Bob Sacamano]

In hind sight maybe your Grandfather should have put the money in an investment account with restrictions for her.

at the least a trust fund

 

[Kevinicus]

The sad thing is, My Dad's estate ended up the same way (my stepmother bled him dry) and so did my wife's Dad. All of our parents had a free ride through college got money to buy their first homes, etc. Yet my wife and I had to pay our own way from the time we were legal to work. Since we have done well for ourselves and made good financial decisions, we are scared that we will have to bail them out at some point down the road (already have once) or even have to take them in. This is just warped to me.

For about 20 months out of the first 2 years of my marriage I had either my mother-in-law or my father-in-law living with us. Several times we almost had my sister-in-law move in. Don't ever let them in your home, it's not easy getting them out!!

 

[kmp77]

For about 20 months out of the first 2 years of my marriage I had either my mother-in-law or my father-in-law living with us. Several times we almost had my sister-in-law move in. Don't ever let them in your home, it's not easy getting them out!!

You lasted 20 months???? I'd go insane.

 

[lewpac]

For about 20 months out of the first 2 years of my marriage I had either my mother-in-law or my father-in-law living with us. Several times we almost had my sister-in-law move in. Don't ever let them in your home, it's not easy getting them out!!

AMEN!!

"For this cause shall a man leave his mother and father, and these two shall be one flesh".

I used to do some marriage counseling. And without getting all religious, THIS SUBJECT is Marriage 101! Anytime and every time mommy or daddy had their nose shoved up their kids marriage, it spelled trouble. You don't need to be religious to know that.

Most of the heartache and trouble that people have in life is because of family. Don't get me wrong, family is a big deal and I love my family. I envy my wife, because her, her brother and their mother are like the model family. They all respect each other and treat each other great. But there's no hurt in life like a family member who goes all goofy.

In the OP's case, the last thing a child needs is to add further "high maintenance" in life because of parental stupidity. Life is full of pot-holes enough without your parents acting the fool in their golden years. It's not according to script. It's the LAST thing you need at a time when your supposed to be earning and getting ahead and dialing in your own kids and life.

Heaven forbid if I visit trouble upon my three kids when their in there 30's or 40's. I would be ashamed and derelict in my life if my kids have to bail me out of avoidable and unnecessary trouble in my golden years. I would NEVER live that down, if my life made my kids go sideways in their lives to cover my ***.

 

[DemonBlood]

Three years ago, my Grandfather, who did well for himself over the years decided to gift my Mom a large six figure amount. It equates to most of her inheritance, but my Granddad wanted her to have it while he was alive. My mom was a few years away from retirement at the time, so I begged her to put the money in a low yield guaranteed investment account so that the money could weather the down economy and be there for her and my Stepfather when they retired.

They instead proceeded to buy a nice new car, an expensive customized boat, a luxury motor-coach, custom golf cart, clear bottom kayak and other expensive toys. They invested one fifth (what was left) with a guy that they knew who promised a better return than they could get in a conservative fund. Well, he just ended up fleeing the country to evade federal jail time, so now they have zero dollars left from that gift.

My parents went from potentially retiring in style to being badly in debt in three years time. I don't really fault them for buying the motor-coach, because that is what they live in (could have spent less, though). They currently don't use the boat and traded in the car one year later on a Hummer because the car could not pull the boat. Most of the other "toys" were things they could have easily done without and seldom use.

They haven't told me how broke they are because they don't want to hear what I would have to say to them, but I someone that they confided in told me about it.

The sad thing is, My Dad's estate ended up the same way (my stepmother bled him dry) and so did my wife's Dad. All of our parents had a free ride through college got money to buy their first homes, etc. Yet my wife and I had to pay our own way from the time we were legal to work. Since we have done well for ourselves and made good financial decisions, we are scared that we will have to bail them out at some point down the road (already have once) or even have to take them in. This is just warped to me.

Sorry to rant, I don't want to be bitter, but I am just flamingly mad right now (my truck just broke down as well) about how they could take for granted everything they were afforded in life!!!!!!! What do you say to your own parents to get them to stop acting so irresponsibly???

Squidbillies is awesome.

 

[JohnnyHopkins]

Thanks for the words everyone. Yesterday in particular was a hard day. My Granddad isn't going to be with us much longer, so I will probably try to have a heart to heart with my folks after that occurs.