Humor: Looks like Cowboys Zoners got their wish

Boysboy

New Member
Messages
4,852
Reaction score
0
COWBOYS RELEASE ENTIRE ROSTER; FIRE STAFF

AP -- Dallas Cowboys owner and general manager, Jerry Jones, lost no time in reacting to last Sunday's devastating loss to the New York Giants in the NFC Divisional Playoff round. The team has announced that all 53 players on the active roster, plus the additional players recently re-signed from the practice squad, have been released. In addition, the entire remaining coaching staff has been fired, and the equipment and janitorial staff given notice.

"I'm not one to do things halfway," Mr. Jones said. "I thought it was time to clean house, so I cleaned it the only way I know how -- from top to bottom." Mr. Jones also dismissed his son, Stephen Jones, from his front office duties and has disowned him. "He's dead to me. Truth is, I came close to firing myself too, but then there would have been no one left to rebuild the team".

Owing to the release of the many players under contract, the Cowboys have incurred an enormous salary cap hit and are currently over the NFL mandated cap by approximately $100,000,000. "I know we won't have the money to sign actual professional players for 2008, but I do plan to field a team with volunteers, kind of like the local rescue squad or fire department."

Mr. Jones is expected to approach former Cowboys head coach, Jimmy Johnson, for the vacant head coaching position. "I'm not constrained by the salary cap for coaches, so I can pay Jimmy. Though I do have to accommodate his current schedule and lifestyle. He'll work three days a week in the offseason and 4 days during the season, plus every other Sunday. I think that's fair for all concerned and should get the job done."

"Basically," Mr. Jones said, "losing a game like Sunday's is just unacceptable, and that means there have to be consequences for players and coaches alike. I think I've gotten my message through with today's actions, and I look forward to starting over with a clean slate."

The rumor that Texas Stadium will be demolished ahead of schedule and the earth beneath strewn with salt has not yet been confirmed, although salt trucks have been spotted in the area.
 

hendog

Well-Known Member
Messages
2,533
Reaction score
547
That's a good one.

Hard to remember what it was like without you here.
 

Big Dakota

New Member
Messages
11,876
Reaction score
0
This schtick is as lame as the bluto king's. This must have come from the 3 foot tower.
 

MissionCoach

Well-Known Member
Messages
1,015
Reaction score
290
Hmmmmm.....I'm surprised the article did not mention that Jerrah purchased the Miami Dolphins and fired Parcells, Ireland and the remaining Coaches from the Dallas staff headed for the Dolphins as well.

In a followup piece....it has been reported that Jerrah plans on trading Dexter Coakley for the entire New England Patriot Team.
 

Royal Laegotti

Dyin' ain't much of a livin', boy!
Messages
4,971
Reaction score
0
Boysboy;1910253 said:
Owing to the release of the many players under contract, the Cowboys have incurred an enormous salary cap hit and are currently over the NFL mandated cap by approximately $100,000,000. "I know we won't have the money to sign actual professional players for 2008, but I do plan to field a team with volunteers, kind of like the local rescue squad or fire department."


That would likely up the intensity, passion, pride and sense of urgency that's been missing late in seasons.:eek:: ;)
 

satam55

New Member
Messages
362
Reaction score
0
Boysboy;1910253 said:
COWBOYS RELEASE ENTIRE ROSTER; FIRE STAFF

AP -- Dallas Cowboys owner and general manager, Jerry Jones, lost no time in reacting to last Sunday's devastating loss to the New York Giants in the NFC Divisional Playoff round. The team has announced that all 53 players on the active roster, plus the additional players recently re-signed from the practice squad, have been released. In addition, the entire remaining coaching staff has been fired, and the equipment and janitorial staff given notice.

"I'm not one to do things halfway," Mr. Jones said. "I thought it was time to clean house, so I cleaned it the only way I know how -- from top to bottom." Mr. Jones also dismissed his son, Stephen Jones, from his front office duties and has disowned him. "He's dead to me. Truth is, I came close to firing myself too, but then there would have been no one left to rebuild the team".

Owing to the release of the many players under contract, the Cowboys have incurred an enormous salary cap hit and are currently over the NFL mandated cap by approximately $100,000,000. "I know we won't have the money to sign actual professional players for 2008, but I do plan to field a team with volunteers, kind of like the local rescue squad or fire department."

Mr. Jones is expected to approach former Cowboys head coach, Jimmy Johnson, for the vacant head coaching position. "I'm not constrained by the salary cap for coaches, so I can pay Jimmy. Though I do have to accommodate his current schedule and lifestyle. He'll work three days a week in the offseason and 4 days during the season, plus every other Sunday. I think that's fair for all concerned and should get the job done."

"Basically," Mr. Jones said, "losing a game like Sunday's is just unacceptable, and that means there have to be consequences for players and coaches alike. I think I've gotten my message through with today's actions, and I look forward to starting over with a clean slate."

The rumor that Texas Stadium will be demolished ahead of schedule and the earth beneath strewn with salt has not yet been confirmed, although salt trucks have been spotted in the area.


If you want to hear more humor listen to this: http://cumuluspodcasting.com/media/KTCK/KTCK109/KTCK_011408_1-Muse-Fake.mp3
 

Bach

Benched
Messages
7,645
Reaction score
0
Not quite, because according to you Jones would still be here.
 

1fisher

Well-Known Member
Messages
5,777
Reaction score
120
"I know we won't have the money to sign actual professional players for 2008, but I do plan to field a team with volunteers,


Maybe he could sign some of the posters from this board..... Seems like a bunch of them have it ALL figured out.....:laugh2:
 

1fisher

Well-Known Member
Messages
5,777
Reaction score
120
Big Dakota;1910266 said:
This schtick is as lame as the bluto king's. This must have come from the 3 foot tower.



You talking about the self proclaimed fighting idiot?:laugh2:
 
Top