Reverend Conehead
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I'm the one who has caused the Vikings' Super Bowl futility for decades, thanks to the curse I put on them as a kid in 1973, and I caused the Eagles' total collapse this season. Unfortunately, I'm not the only one who knows how to use voodoo. Amber Heard is also quite good at it, and she hates my guts and knows that I was all excited about this playoff game against Green Bay. Obviously, Amber knows what she's doing with voodoo dolls and pins, but I promise I'll get her back, and I'll get her back good. How could she do this to us, that evil *****?