What has always sucked: I’ve said far too many nice things already about Watt, who is quickly growing into the most annoying player in football. We’re close, people. We’re THIS close to Watt throwing down a #BlueLivesMatter hashtag. J.J. Watt is the living wet dream of every commenter at ProFootballTalk. When our supremely ****ed-up football culture looks at itself in the mirror, Watt is what it sees: a big humorless white dolt who presents himself as his own private branch of the U.S. military, who supposedly eats, sleeps, and breathes FOOTBAW and goes off into the forest every offseason to train for the sport like a real life version of the first hour of
Batman Begins. Listening to hot takers praise Watt makes me want to blow up the sun…
Christ. It’s like these people believe you can achieve true moral superiority purely through the power of box jumps. Add Watt to the GOP Presidential field and he’d be the only man who could overtake Donald Trump.
Here’s the deal: J.J. Watt is a limp John Cena impersonator whose muscle cabin is a ******* fraud, and who will almost certainly accuse Clowney of being lazy at some point this season just to make himself look good.
J.J. Watt Is A ******* Lying Clownfraud
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I don’t really think J.J. Watt gives a **** about winning football games. I think he LIKES the fact that the Texans are so woebegone on offense because it makes him look like the only one working hard enough to keep a moribund football team afloat. One day, Watt will retire and star in low-grade Chuck Norris action films and spout vaguely racist platitudes about MERICA and you will regret ever having enjoyed watching him play football. It’s a lock. Also, he knows damn well what “bae” means…
What a load. I’ve never seen someone try so hard to make old people happy. Raging against selfies makes you an *******, not a hero. If Roger Goodell were a football player, he would be J.J. Watt. **** J.J. Watt.
And **** Houston! Houston is our largest unlivable city. It’s a fly-ridden goo swamp populated by obese wannabe cowboys who are constantly digging into a tin of Skoal. It has everything bad about a tropic-zone city with none of the good: palm trees with no beaches, skimpy clothing without attractive people, etc. There are no zoning laws. You can build a titty bar inside an elementary school. Every rich person there is a despicable oil *****. Rodeo Cookoff History is a required high school course. It’s a horrible place.
Our own Leslie Horn is from Texas. Here now is her Houston story:
“So once I was in Houston on MLK day. And a friend of a friend from Houston said we should go to Popeyes for ‘He Be We Be’ day
. I say what the hell is ‘He Be We Be’ day. He goes: ‘He be dead, we be off’.I don’t know that guy but he grew up in Houston.”
Sounds like Houston to me! Sounds like the PERFECT town for J.J. Watt. Houston can eat ****.
Also: Jadeveon Clowney is just never gonna play. He’s the defensive equivalent of Sam Bradford.
