Let's Help Elliott Ace His Visit This Week

[Leadbelly]

Hey there Ezekiel. I hear you're coming in for a visit this week. Many of the more (ahem) knowledgeable Cowboys fans here are super excited to hear this and hope to see you wearing the star this year.

As a long time Cowboys fan, I just wanted to provide you with some (hopefully) useful tips to help you in advance of meeting with the organization. Maybe others have some tips as well. I suppose other prospects might find this useful as well, but they're all B listers.

Please remember...

• When the team asks if you'd like something to drink, your options are Dr Pepper and Dr Pepper.

• When touring the stadium, a woman might start pointing out the artwork around the stadium. Every fiber of your football being might want to say something like, "Uh, why the heck is there artwork at a football stadium?" This woman is the owner's wife. Just say Dallas is very cosmopolitan and get through it.

• If you meet Tony Romo, don't shake his hand. Don't high five him. Don't fist bump him. Don't pat him on the back. Just don't touch him. Actually, don't even look at him.

• If you meet Sean Lee, same deal.

• If you see a goofy looking guy wearing Cowboys gear and a big, dumb smile on his giant head, that's either Rowdy the mascot or the team brought in Carson Wentz for a secret visit. It's fine to ignore both of them.

• When Coach Garrett claps...and he will definitely clap...a lot...it's a trap. He's testing how quickly a person gets annoyed. Nearly everyone here at Cowboys Zone has failed this test. Badly.

• The kid following Romo around is not in fact a kid. He's not even a kicker. That's our backup QB. Actually, can you throw at all?

• Casually mention to the team how you were a really big fan of Darren McFadden back when you were in grade school and how it's amazing he stayed healthy last year.

• Seriously, no touching Romo. Our entire season hinges on this dude.

Good luck. Do NOT screw this up for me Zeke!

 

[SHAMSzy]

 

[Sydla]

Wut?

 

[YosemiteSam]

I'm pretty sure you shouldn't be asking for Dr Pepper if you're intention is to be a Pro Athlete. The correct answer is, "Water, please."

 

[jterrell]

Have him fall to 34.
That's all that matters.

 

[tyke1doe]

- If visiting other teams and someone asks you do you do drugs, please pause 30 seconds before answering.

- If you run into a fan named Risen, just tell him you're "Carson Wentz" with an extremely bad "spring break" tan.

 

[casmith07]

Start spreading rumors about how you killed someone at the combine in your hotel room. But just rumors.