trickblue
Not Old School...Old Testament...
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Men vs. Women
1. NAMES
2. EATING OUT
3. MONEY
A man will pay $2.00 for a $1.00 item he needs.
A woman will pay $1.00 for a $2.00 item that she doesn't need but it's on sale.
4. BATHROOMS
5. ARGUMENTS
6. CATS
Women love cats.
Men say they love cats, but when women aren't looking, men kick cats.
7. FUTURE
8. SUCCESS
A successful man is one who makes more money than his wife can spend.
A successful woman is one who can find such a man.
9. MARRIAGE
10. DRESSING UP
11. NATURAL
12. OFFSPRING
13. THOUGHT FOR THE DAY
14. PLEASING YOUR PARTNER
1. NAMES
If Laurie, Linda, Elizabeth and Barbara go out for lunch, they will call each other Laurie, Linda, Elizabeth and Barbara.
If Mark, Chris, Eric and Tom go out, they will affectionately refer to each other as Fat Boy, Peanut, Jelly Roll and Scrappy.
If Mark, Chris, Eric and Tom go out, they will affectionately refer to each other as Fat Boy, Peanut, Jelly Roll and Scrappy.
2. EATING OUT
When the bill arrives, Mark, Chris, Eric and Tom will each throw in a Twenty dollar bill, even though it's only for $32.50. None of them will have anything smaller and none will actually admit they want change back.
When the girls get their bill, out come the pocket calculators.
When the girls get their bill, out come the pocket calculators.
3. MONEY
A man will pay $2.00 for a $1.00 item he needs.
A woman will pay $1.00 for a $2.00 item that she doesn't need but it's on sale.
4. BATHROOMS
A man has five items in his bathroom: a toothbrush, shaving cream, razor, a bar of soap, and a towel from the Marriott.
The average number of items in the typical woman's bathroom is 337. A man would not be able to identify most of these items.
The average number of items in the typical woman's bathroom is 337. A man would not be able to identify most of these items.
5. ARGUMENTS
A woman has the last word in any argument.
Anything a man says after that is the beginning of a new argument.
Anything a man says after that is the beginning of a new argument.
6. CATS
Women love cats.
Men say they love cats, but when women aren't looking, men kick cats.
7. FUTURE
A woman worries about the future until she gets a husband.
A man never worries about the future until he gets a wife.
A man never worries about the future until he gets a wife.
8. SUCCESS
A successful man is one who makes more money than his wife can spend.
A successful woman is one who can find such a man.
9. MARRIAGE
A woman marries a man expecting he will change, but he doesn't.
A man marries a woman expecting that she won't change and she does.
A man marries a woman expecting that she won't change and she does.
10. DRESSING UP
A woman will dress up to go shopping, water the plants, empty the garbage, answer the phone, read a book, and get the mail.
A man will dress up for weddings and funerals.
A man will dress up for weddings and funerals.
11. NATURAL
Men wake up as good-looking as they went to bed.
Women somehow deteriorate during the night.
Women somehow deteriorate during the night.
12. OFFSPRING
Ah, children.
A woman knows all about her children. She knows about dentist Appointments and romances, best friends, favorite foods, secret fears and hopes and dreams.
A man is vaguely aware of some short people living in the house.
A woman knows all about her children. She knows about dentist Appointments and romances, best friends, favorite foods, secret fears and hopes and dreams.
A man is vaguely aware of some short people living in the house.
13. THOUGHT FOR THE DAY
Any married man should forget his mistakes. There's no use in two People remembering the same thing.
14. PLEASING YOUR PARTNER
Women may be able to fake an orgasm, but men can fake a whole relationship.
