Open letter to Jessica Alba..

[EMMITTnROY]

I really really think you are hot.. I mean you are smoking hot.. So I hope that you read this and respond as quickly as possible..

I've had a thing for you ever since I saw you in the movie "Idle Hands".. I'll never forget that scene where you were on top of the car, about to get killed, and you were only wearing your bra and panties.. I remember looking at the friend I was with and saying, "Oh.. my.. gosh.. she's freaking hot." You had short brown hair, dark eyes, killer lips, a tight body, and a great smile..

So I knew you before everyone knew you.. I was telling people about you loooong before James Cameron signed you up for "Dark Angel".. I am a long time fan and admirer.. I wanted to let you know all of that before you read what is to follow..

How could you resort to doing a movie with Paul Walker? This guy has less acting ability than P Diddy or Michael Irvin.. I mean, don't get me wrong, I am very thankful that you were in a bathing suit for the majority of "Into The Blue".. But you cheapened yourself in my eyes.. It was a big mistake, and you should be woman enough to admit it..

How about that crapfest known as "Honey"? Again, don't get me wrong, I am very thankful that you were in a sports bra for the majority of the movie.. But starring in a movie with Missy Elliott and Lil Romeo about a street dancer? You should have known better.. I furiously shake my head in shame in your general direction..

Anyways, Jessica, you have disappointed me.. You have made a lot of mistakes and you need to make them up to me.. Your work as the stripper with a heart of gold in "Sin City" was a great start, and the primary source of my nightly dream activity for about two months.. And I am also very thankful to you for wearing that tight outfit in "Fantastic Four".. Although, I'll never understand how Hollywood signed the most gorgeous woman on earth to play an invisible superhero.. And the scene where you were naked, but invisible, was the biggest tease ever played on my young heart..

The only way I see it, Jessica, is for you to respond to this open letter in person.. Come to my house right away.. We will make breakfast together and we will dance and sing and run together in a field of wild flowers.. Making out will also be a requirement..

Thank you and God bless,
EMMITTnROY

 

[theogt]

A+

I've always thought this board needed a few parody threads. It'll likely get deleted though.

 

[EMMITTnROY]

A+

I've always thought this board needed a few parody threads. It'll likely get deleted though.

thanks, man.. and I guess it's not gonna get deleted, but it got moved to Off Topic, which is almost the same thing..

EDIT: Hey, I mentioned Michael Irvin!! That's definately "on topic"..

 

[TruBlueCowboy]

It worked better in the Cowboys Zone. Now that it's moved to off-topic, it just makes you look like a stalker. :laugh1:

 

[EMMITTnROY]

It worked better in the Cowboys Zone. Now that it's moved to off-topic, it just makes you look like a stalker. :laugh1:

haha! seriously!

 

[joseephuss]

A+

I've always thought this board needed a few parody threads. It'll likely get deleted though.

Now someone needs to write a parody thread. I think this one was real.

 

[Concord]

EMMITTnROY,

Loved your letter.

Call Me...XOXOXO!

 

[EMMITTnROY]

EMMITTnROY,

Loved your letter.

Call Me...XOXOXO!

What's your number, what's your number, what's your number?!?!

 

[superpunk]

http://img176.*************/img176/8981/idhitit5rx9.jpg

 

[BlueStar22]

have you seen Alba lately. She looks like she has an eating disorder.

 

[ROMOSAPIEN9]

have you seen Alba lately. She looks like she has an eating disorder.

I'll need pics before I even remotely believe that!

 

[calico]

I really really think you are hot.. I mean you are smoking hot.. So I hope that you read this and respond as quickly as possible..

I've had a thing for you ever since I saw you in the movie "Idle Hands".. I'll never forget that scene where you were on top of the car, about to get killed, and you were only wearing your bra and panties.. I remember looking at the friend I was with and saying, "Oh.. my.. gosh.. she's freaking hot." You had short brown hair, dark eyes, killer lips, a tight body, and a great smile..

So I knew you before everyone knew you.. I was telling people about you loooong before James Cameron signed you up for "Dark Angel".. I am a long time fan and admirer.. I wanted to let you know all of that before you read what is to follow..

How could you resort to doing a movie with Paul Walker? This guy has less acting ability than P Diddy or Michael Irvin.. I mean, don't get me wrong, I am very thankful that you were in a bathing suit for the majority of "Into The Blue".. But you cheapened yourself in my eyes.. It was a big mistake, and you should be woman enough to admit it..

How about that crapfest known as "Honey"? Again, don't get me wrong, I am very thankful that you were in a sports bra for the majority of the movie.. But starring in a movie with Missy Elliott and Lil Romeo about a street dancer? You should have known better.. I furiously shake my head in shame in your general direction..

Anyways, Jessica, you have disappointed me.. You have made a lot of mistakes and you need to make them up to me.. Your work as the stripper with a heart of gold in "Sin City" was a great start, and the primary source of my nightly dream activity for about two months.. And I am also very thankful to you for wearing that tight outfit in "Fantastic Four".. Although, I'll never understand how Hollywood signed the most gorgeous woman on earth to play an invisible superhero.. And the scene where you were naked, but invisible, was the biggest tease ever played on my young heart..

The only way I see it, Jessica, is for you to respond to this open letter in person.. Come to my house right away.. We will make breakfast together and we will dance and sing and run together in a field of wild flowers.. Making out will also be a requirement..

Thank you and God bless,
EMMITTnROY

:laugh2:


I can't stand her. I met her on a beach in San Diego back in '97 when she was a no name actress working on "Flipper". She was hot as hell and a very sweet person. Her friends and mine all hung out for the day and I used to email her for a few months.

I lost contact with her and then saw her in Idle Hands Sadly, she let fame get to her because I want to smash my TV everytime I see her in interviews or whatnot.

 

[Chief]

I really really think you are hot.. I mean you are smoking hot.. So I hope that you read this and respond as quickly as possible..

I've had a thing for you ever since I saw you in the movie "Idle Hands".. I'll never forget that scene where you were on top of the car, about to get killed, and you were only wearing your bra and panties.. I remember looking at the friend I was with and saying, "Oh.. my.. gosh.. she's freaking hot." You had short brown hair, dark eyes, killer lips, a tight body, and a great smile..

So I knew you before everyone knew you.. I was telling people about you loooong before James Cameron signed you up for "Dark Angel".. I am a long time fan and admirer.. I wanted to let you know all of that before you read what is to follow..

How could you resort to doing a movie with Paul Walker? This guy has less acting ability than P Diddy or Michael Irvin.. I mean, don't get me wrong, I am very thankful that you were in a bathing suit for the majority of "Into The Blue".. But you cheapened yourself in my eyes.. It was a big mistake, and you should be woman enough to admit it..

How about that crapfest known as "Honey"? Again, don't get me wrong, I am very thankful that you were in a sports bra for the majority of the movie.. But starring in a movie with Missy Elliott and Lil Romeo about a street dancer? You should have known better.. I furiously shake my head in shame in your general direction..

Anyways, Jessica, you have disappointed me.. You have made a lot of mistakes and you need to make them up to me.. Your work as the stripper with a heart of gold in "Sin City" was a great start, and the primary source of my nightly dream activity for about two months.. And I am also very thankful to you for wearing that tight outfit in "Fantastic Four".. Although, I'll never understand how Hollywood signed the most gorgeous woman on earth to play an invisible superhero.. And the scene where you were naked, but invisible, was the biggest tease ever played on my young heart..

The only way I see it, Jessica, is for you to respond to this open letter in person.. Come to my house right away.. We will make breakfast together and we will dance and sing and run together in a field of wild flowers.. Making out will also be a requirement..

Thank you and God bless,
EMMITTnROY

:laugh2:

Very well done.