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By Matt Sohn (msohn@pfwmedia.com)
Aug. 18, 2008
Aug. 18, 2008
Exhibit A why blogs are good. Whenever PFW’s Eric Edholm feels the urge to spill his soul or pen a couple quick, random nuggets, he logs into “Around the NFL,” does a little copy-paste job, and he’s done. Non-bloggers? We have to string together a bunch of wholly unrelated topics that belong together into one column, and then write some lame introduction warning readers that the following piece is completely off-the-cuff impressions of random observations from the football world.
Looking for random irreverence? Read on. Looking for real football news and insight? Check out this week’s “The Way We Hear It.”
Really, Miami?
So let me get this straight. Dolphins PK Jay Feely converts 21-of-23 FG attempts last season, was probably the most consistent player on the team, and gets axed in favor of an undrafted rookie who played his college ball in front of a couple hundred fans and a family of caribou? I don’t get it. This is no knock on Montana’s Dan Carpenter, who I’m sure is a quality kicker, but was this guy really so far superior to Feely in camp that he deserved to get the nod over a proven commodity? Some in the South Florida media have suggested that it’s Bill Parcells’ way of saying he has no tolerance for outspoken media darlings, which Feely certainly is, but I have a hard time buying it.
For one, Parcells is too savvy a football guy to sacrifice his team’s on-field success for the purposes of principal. For another, it’s not as if the Dolphins don’t have a few other loudmouths strutting around the practice field. Last time I checked, Joey Porter wasn’t exactly known for keeping things on the down low.
It’s safe to say this much: Carpenter better be all that and a can of tuna or there’s going to be some serious explaining to do from the big guy upstairs.
It’s got to be in the chowder Looking for random irreverence? Read on. Looking for real football news and insight? Check out this week’s “The Way We Hear It.”
Really, Miami?
So let me get this straight. Dolphins PK Jay Feely converts 21-of-23 FG attempts last season, was probably the most consistent player on the team, and gets axed in favor of an undrafted rookie who played his college ball in front of a couple hundred fans and a family of caribou? I don’t get it. This is no knock on Montana’s Dan Carpenter, who I’m sure is a quality kicker, but was this guy really so far superior to Feely in camp that he deserved to get the nod over a proven commodity? Some in the South Florida media have suggested that it’s Bill Parcells’ way of saying he has no tolerance for outspoken media darlings, which Feely certainly is, but I have a hard time buying it.
For one, Parcells is too savvy a football guy to sacrifice his team’s on-field success for the purposes of principal. For another, it’s not as if the Dolphins don’t have a few other loudmouths strutting around the practice field. Last time I checked, Joey Porter wasn’t exactly known for keeping things on the down low.
It’s safe to say this much: Carpenter better be all that and a can of tuna or there’s going to be some serious explaining to do from the big guy upstairs.
John Lynch is now a Patriot. And this means he’s going to be awesome again. I’m only half-kidding. Look at all the veterans who have come to New England in recent years, and either resurrected standout careers that were headed south, or went from “meh” type guys to studs — or at least to much better than they were. Randy Moss. Wes Welker. Junior Seau. Sammy Morris. Jabar Gaffney. Just to name a few.
New Patriots S John Lynch
What’s even more amazing is that it works the opposite way, too. As in, studs who leave New England never seem to recapture their form away from Gillette Stadium. Deion Branch. David Givens. Adam Vinatieri. Ty Law. Lawyer Milloy. Willie McGinest. Say what you will about Bill Belichick, the guy knows how to get the absolute most out of his players and is masterful at finding the right guys for the Patriots’ system.
Isn’t self-promotion shameless by definition?
For the past few months, the PFW staff, spearheaded by Nolan Nawrocki, has been hard at work producing a brand-new magazine, the 2008-09 Pro Prospects Preview, which truly is a one-of-a-kind magazine in the oversaturated sports publication market. We finally got some advance copies sent from the printer to the office last week, and I have to say, it’s great stuff.
It’s chock full of all the scouty, technical breakdowns you’ve come to expect from us, plus it has a whole bunch of features and interesting nuggets that really take you inside the NFL draft and the players to keep an eye on this fall. It’s set to hit the newsstand in early September, and makes for a great Labor Day gift for all of your loved ones.
Gratuitous laundry
Have you ever tried explaining the game of football to somebody who doesn’t know a thing about it? Possibly the most frustrating, futile effort you’ll ever give — and this is coming from a guy who once attempted that whole “gallon of milk in an hour” thing. Football’s not like baseball or hockey, where the object and strategy of the games are easily understood by a neophyte.
What really confuses the stuffing out of newbies are the penalties. (“Wait, what’s the difference between offside and encroachment, again?”) If it were up to me, here are the penalties I’d do away with:
Tripping: The most bogus infraction in football. Most illegal tackling penalties are in place because of safety precautions. There’s nothing imminently dangerous about getting tripped. Which brings me to …
Horse-collar: Yeah, yeah, so Roy Williams might have messed up a few lower extremities doing it, but injuries are part of the game. A defender on the backside pursuit shouldn’t have to worry about how he positions his body and hands when trying to make what is difficult-enough tackle anyway.
Halo rule: The one thing the XFL got right. If a punt returner is worried about getting lit up after fielding a punt, then he ought to signal for a fair catch. With fair catches, there’s absolutely zero point to the halo.
Unsportsmanlike conduct/celebration: So a guy flaunts scoring a touchdown and taunts an opponent. Big deal. Either enjoy their exuberance or mock their immaturity. But don’t penalize them 15 yards.
As for rules the NFL ought to change:
Overtime: Neither the NFL nor the college game does it right. Combine the two and we’re on to something. There should be kickoffs (like the NFL) and equal possessions (like in college). It’s therefore fair to both teams, but you don’t automatically begin in field-goal territory.
Two feet inbounds for a reception: It amazes me that with all the league has done to benefit offenses and receivers that it doesn’t adopt the college game’s rule of needing only one foot inbounds for a completion.
Seven men on the line: Really, why? The classic case of the NFL having a rule just for the sake of complicating the game.
Help me, help you
Quick, name the only two veterans still holding out. If you came up with Bills OLT Jason Peters and Rams RB Steven Jackson, you’re a winner. And besides being far more athletic and wealthy than you and I, what do these two footballers have in common? Yep, they’re both represented by Eugene Parker. The obvious question this brings up is whether Parker has been initiating these holdouts, telling his clients than they can do better than their existing contracts.
I’d certainly brush it off as coincidence if we were just talking about two players, but Parker also represents Devin Hester, who also was threatening a no-show earlier this summer if the Bears didn’t pony up the cash. But, Hester, who was due to make $445,000 in ’08, and Jackson, who has just a single year left on his deal, were natural holdout candidates. Peters, with three years left on his contract, isn’t.
Then again, there’s also the possibility that Peters, probably the best offensive tackle in the game today, told Parker he’d be switching agents if he didn’t get his raise. Just guessing, but it probably went down something like this:
Cue in on shirtless Peters sauntering around his kitchen, cell phone in one hand, tub of ice cream and spoon in the other.
Peters: You know what Eugene, I like you. My wife likes you. You’re good to her. But I’m hurting. (Bills COO) Russ Brandon ain’t showing me the love. Now for me to stay with you, I’m going to let you in on a little family motto. (brief pause). Show me the money. (brief pause, amps up speaker system). Oh! Yeah! Say it with me Eugene!
Cut to a visibly confused, nervous Parker, hunched over his desk, staring down the Drew Rosenhaus voodoo doll in his bookcase.
Parker (a little confused): Um, OK, uh, show you the money.
Peters: No! Not show you the money, show me the money!
Parker: Uh, show me the money.
Peters: Louder, Eugene, louder!
Parker (a bit louder): Show me the money!
Peters: I know you can do better than that! Like you’re feeling it! I got Rosenhaus on the other line!
Parker (Staring down the Rosenhaus piñata hanging from his office ceiling): No, no, no, show me the money!
Peters: I can’t hear you Eugene! Drew promised me $50 million plus a lifetime supply of hair gel!
Parker (screaming): No, no, SHOW ME THE MONEY!
Peters: Tell me you love left tackles Eugene!
Parker (sweat pouring out of every bodily orifice): I love left tackles! SHOW ME THE MONEYYY!
Peters (music killed): Congratulations. You’re still my agent.
Tell me you don’t see the resemblance …
When he comes back home, I’d like to see Michael Phelps grow out his hair, taper down his ears, walk into Giants Stadium and see if he could pass as Eli Manning. Is it just me, or do those two dudes look REMARKABLY similar? Like stunt-double worthy.
While we’re on the subject, indulge me while I offer my two cents on Phelps’ Olympic performance. Impressive? Absolutely. Incredible? Definitely. Stunning? Without a doubt. Heads and shoulders above what any other Olympian has ever done? Not even close. What gets lost in his avalanche of gold medals is the fact that swimming is the biggest joke in the Games. Not a joke in the sense that all the athletes are doping (although we’re naïve if we think they’re all clean), but a joke because of the sheer lunacy of the multitude of events. Does it really matter who’s the best breaststroker or the best butterflier or the best freestyler?
No, all that should matter is who’s the best swimmer. Get to the other wall as fast you can, using whatever method suits you best. It would be like track and field making four separate events for the 100 meters: Running forward, running backward, skipping and hopping. How ridiculous would that be? Or how about if there were a separate event for basketball played on a court the length of a football field? Here’s guessing Team USA still would systematically destroy everyone.
I’ll take two Roethlis-burgers and a Coke, please
Tired of the same old hot dog and soda at football games? Many NFL clubs have sensed your boredom with the mundane, and have been hard at work conjuring up concession stand treats unique to their team. A sampling of the items you’ll find this fall:
Seattle
Meat Lofa — Doesn’t look like much, but always hits the spot.
Dallas
Rigatoni Romo — Served with a dessert blondie.
New England
Bruschi-battered Mayo — Because sometimes all you crave is a condiment.
Minnesota
Sidney Rice Cakes — Even tastier with Blue Berrians.
Buffalo
James Hardy Omelet — Huge, but may be hazardous to your health.
Oakland
Pepto-Bismol — Available in black.
New York Jets
Laveranues Coles Slaw — Extra runny.
Arizona
Cheap beer — Beer bong and hot tub of hotties sold separately.
New Orleans
Bay Brees — As manly as Zima.
Philadelphia
Lito Sheppard’s Pie — For a limited time only.
Jacksonville
Cleo Lemon bar — A last resort.
San Diego
Juice — Shawne Merriman swears by it.
Atlanta
Matty Ice Cream — A bit vanilla, but won’t let you down.
Tennessee
Jeff Fisherman’s Platter — No longer includes Norm Chowder.
link: http://www.profootballweekly.com/PFW/Commentary/Columns/2008/sohn081808.htm
Isn’t self-promotion shameless by definition?
For the past few months, the PFW staff, spearheaded by Nolan Nawrocki, has been hard at work producing a brand-new magazine, the 2008-09 Pro Prospects Preview, which truly is a one-of-a-kind magazine in the oversaturated sports publication market. We finally got some advance copies sent from the printer to the office last week, and I have to say, it’s great stuff.
It’s chock full of all the scouty, technical breakdowns you’ve come to expect from us, plus it has a whole bunch of features and interesting nuggets that really take you inside the NFL draft and the players to keep an eye on this fall. It’s set to hit the newsstand in early September, and makes for a great Labor Day gift for all of your loved ones.
Gratuitous laundry
Have you ever tried explaining the game of football to somebody who doesn’t know a thing about it? Possibly the most frustrating, futile effort you’ll ever give — and this is coming from a guy who once attempted that whole “gallon of milk in an hour” thing. Football’s not like baseball or hockey, where the object and strategy of the games are easily understood by a neophyte.
What really confuses the stuffing out of newbies are the penalties. (“Wait, what’s the difference between offside and encroachment, again?”) If it were up to me, here are the penalties I’d do away with:
Tripping: The most bogus infraction in football. Most illegal tackling penalties are in place because of safety precautions. There’s nothing imminently dangerous about getting tripped. Which brings me to …
Horse-collar: Yeah, yeah, so Roy Williams might have messed up a few lower extremities doing it, but injuries are part of the game. A defender on the backside pursuit shouldn’t have to worry about how he positions his body and hands when trying to make what is difficult-enough tackle anyway.
Halo rule: The one thing the XFL got right. If a punt returner is worried about getting lit up after fielding a punt, then he ought to signal for a fair catch. With fair catches, there’s absolutely zero point to the halo.
Unsportsmanlike conduct/celebration: So a guy flaunts scoring a touchdown and taunts an opponent. Big deal. Either enjoy their exuberance or mock their immaturity. But don’t penalize them 15 yards.
As for rules the NFL ought to change:
Overtime: Neither the NFL nor the college game does it right. Combine the two and we’re on to something. There should be kickoffs (like the NFL) and equal possessions (like in college). It’s therefore fair to both teams, but you don’t automatically begin in field-goal territory.
Two feet inbounds for a reception: It amazes me that with all the league has done to benefit offenses and receivers that it doesn’t adopt the college game’s rule of needing only one foot inbounds for a completion.
Seven men on the line: Really, why? The classic case of the NFL having a rule just for the sake of complicating the game.
Help me, help you
Quick, name the only two veterans still holding out. If you came up with Bills OLT Jason Peters and Rams RB Steven Jackson, you’re a winner. And besides being far more athletic and wealthy than you and I, what do these two footballers have in common? Yep, they’re both represented by Eugene Parker. The obvious question this brings up is whether Parker has been initiating these holdouts, telling his clients than they can do better than their existing contracts.
I’d certainly brush it off as coincidence if we were just talking about two players, but Parker also represents Devin Hester, who also was threatening a no-show earlier this summer if the Bears didn’t pony up the cash. But, Hester, who was due to make $445,000 in ’08, and Jackson, who has just a single year left on his deal, were natural holdout candidates. Peters, with three years left on his contract, isn’t.
Then again, there’s also the possibility that Peters, probably the best offensive tackle in the game today, told Parker he’d be switching agents if he didn’t get his raise. Just guessing, but it probably went down something like this:
Cue in on shirtless Peters sauntering around his kitchen, cell phone in one hand, tub of ice cream and spoon in the other.
Peters: You know what Eugene, I like you. My wife likes you. You’re good to her. But I’m hurting. (Bills COO) Russ Brandon ain’t showing me the love. Now for me to stay with you, I’m going to let you in on a little family motto. (brief pause). Show me the money. (brief pause, amps up speaker system). Oh! Yeah! Say it with me Eugene!
Cut to a visibly confused, nervous Parker, hunched over his desk, staring down the Drew Rosenhaus voodoo doll in his bookcase.
Parker (a little confused): Um, OK, uh, show you the money.
Peters: No! Not show you the money, show me the money!
Parker: Uh, show me the money.
Peters: Louder, Eugene, louder!
Parker (a bit louder): Show me the money!
Peters: I know you can do better than that! Like you’re feeling it! I got Rosenhaus on the other line!
Parker (Staring down the Rosenhaus piñata hanging from his office ceiling): No, no, no, show me the money!
Peters: I can’t hear you Eugene! Drew promised me $50 million plus a lifetime supply of hair gel!
Parker (screaming): No, no, SHOW ME THE MONEY!
Peters: Tell me you love left tackles Eugene!
Parker (sweat pouring out of every bodily orifice): I love left tackles! SHOW ME THE MONEYYY!
Peters (music killed): Congratulations. You’re still my agent.
Tell me you don’t see the resemblance …
When he comes back home, I’d like to see Michael Phelps grow out his hair, taper down his ears, walk into Giants Stadium and see if he could pass as Eli Manning. Is it just me, or do those two dudes look REMARKABLY similar? Like stunt-double worthy.
While we’re on the subject, indulge me while I offer my two cents on Phelps’ Olympic performance. Impressive? Absolutely. Incredible? Definitely. Stunning? Without a doubt. Heads and shoulders above what any other Olympian has ever done? Not even close. What gets lost in his avalanche of gold medals is the fact that swimming is the biggest joke in the Games. Not a joke in the sense that all the athletes are doping (although we’re naïve if we think they’re all clean), but a joke because of the sheer lunacy of the multitude of events. Does it really matter who’s the best breaststroker or the best butterflier or the best freestyler?
No, all that should matter is who’s the best swimmer. Get to the other wall as fast you can, using whatever method suits you best. It would be like track and field making four separate events for the 100 meters: Running forward, running backward, skipping and hopping. How ridiculous would that be? Or how about if there were a separate event for basketball played on a court the length of a football field? Here’s guessing Team USA still would systematically destroy everyone.
I’ll take two Roethlis-burgers and a Coke, please
Tired of the same old hot dog and soda at football games? Many NFL clubs have sensed your boredom with the mundane, and have been hard at work conjuring up concession stand treats unique to their team. A sampling of the items you’ll find this fall:
Seattle
Meat Lofa — Doesn’t look like much, but always hits the spot.
Dallas
Rigatoni Romo — Served with a dessert blondie.
New England
Bruschi-battered Mayo — Because sometimes all you crave is a condiment.
Minnesota
Sidney Rice Cakes — Even tastier with Blue Berrians.
Buffalo
James Hardy Omelet — Huge, but may be hazardous to your health.
Oakland
Pepto-Bismol — Available in black.
New York Jets
Laveranues Coles Slaw — Extra runny.
Arizona
Cheap beer — Beer bong and hot tub of hotties sold separately.
New Orleans
Bay Brees — As manly as Zima.
Philadelphia
Lito Sheppard’s Pie — For a limited time only.
Jacksonville
Cleo Lemon bar — A last resort.
San Diego
Juice — Shawne Merriman swears by it.
Atlanta
Matty Ice Cream — A bit vanilla, but won’t let you down.
Tennessee
Jeff Fisherman’s Platter — No longer includes Norm Chowder.
link: http://www.profootballweekly.com/PFW/Commentary/Columns/2008/sohn081808.htm
