Seeking assistant to help me abduct Sato Sakurajima from Bloombagoomba Island

[DallasEast]

I do hope he'll be able to attract another sexy woman. Do women find Johnny Depp hot? Hopefully, they do and someone will want him.

lol. Why the heck do you care whether any woman sees Depp as hot?

 

[Reverend Conehead]

lol. Why the heck do you care whether any woman sees Depp as hot?

I don't really care, to be honest. Just finding stuff to laugh at.

 

[The Fonz]

I have no idea who is this sato but I think the time travel idea still better stick to it

 

[Corso]

I'm laying off the time travel missions. They're just too dangerous. Here's what I've decided to do instead, and it could make me a rich man. There's a tiny island in the Pacific named Bloombagoomba Island. It's a beautiful little place, but it has its hazards. If you were exploring its jungle and started to get to the clearing near its Mount Foombahoompbloomp, you could find yourself barraged by machine gun fire. That's because that mountain's only resident is an ex World War II soldier, one Sato Sakurajima, who thinks that the war isn't over. He's all entrenched in his mountain pillbox and will shoot at anything that moves.

The local inhabitants, the Bloombagoombese, aren't any less dangerous. If they catch you there, they'll kill you by ramming a spear up your butt and then they'll roast you over an open fire rotisserie style. There are no modern conveniences at all there, no airport, no hotels, nothing. There's just a thick jungle inhabited by cannibals in huts and a mountain inhabited by a fanatic still fighting World War II. If the cannibals or the WW II soldier don't get you, the giant lizards in the jungle might. I've long suspected that those are actually dinosaurs that lived into the modern age or some kind of lizard derived from them.

So why would anyone want to venture to such a scary place? Turns out the Government of Japan is offering a reward of 20 billion dollars to anyone who can bring Corporal Sakurajima back to Japan. His family greatly misses him. His own nephew went to the island and pleaded for him to come back, but Sakurajima declared him an impostor and shot him.

With his own family failing to bring him back, you can imagine how hard this mission will be for a couple of Americans, whom he will see as the enemy. However, I have a plan of using a tranquilizing dart like they use on animals in the wild. If we can tranquilize him, disarm him, and get him on board my boat, the USS Poseidtanic, we'll be able to bring him all the way to Japan and get our reward. So I'm searching for someone who can help me. It would be a huge plus if it's someone who can speak Japanese, which I don't speak. I know a few phrases of Bloombagoombese, but can't really speak it. If one of the cannibals is shaking his spear and yelling, "Oop-ooop-oop da bootie holie," beware. He's threatening to kill you by shoving a spear up your butt.

If anyone here is interested in teaming up with me on this mission, let me know. There will be no time travel. I got tired of doing ridiculously dangerous stuff.

"In 1972, a crack commando unit was sent to prison by a military court for a crime they didn't commit.
These men promptly escaped from a maximum security stockade to the Los Angeles underground.
Today, still wanted by the government they survive as soldiers of fortune.
If you have a problem, if no one else can help, and if you can find them... maybe you can hire The A-Team."

 

[Reverend Conehead]

"In 1972, a crack commando unit was sent to prison by a military court for a crime they didn't commit.
These men promptly escaped from a maximum security stockade to the Los Angeles underground.
Today, still wanted by the government they survive as soldiers of fortune.
If you have a problem, if no one else can help, and if you can find them... maybe you can hire The A-Team."

Thanks for the heads up. I hope I don't get killed trying to find them though.

 

[Corso]

Thanks for the heads up. I hope I don't get killed trying to find them though.

Don't look for them!
But they are roaming and they need to be accounted for.

 

[Reverend Conehead]

Don't look for them!
But they are roaming and they need to be accounted for.

Maybe they've been reading this thread and they'll find me. Ya think? My other though was to hire the team that killed bin Laden.

 

[Corso]

Maybe they've been reading this thread and they'll find me. Ya think? My other though was to hire the team that killed bin Laden.

Grey Squirrel and Benford's Law.