Jimz31
The Sarcastic One
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- 14,388
- Reaction score
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Those of us in the Midwest realize that sometimes misunderstandings can
develop when Easterners and Californians travel through our wonderful
states. So, from now on, when entering our states, they will be handed the
following:
Midwest Information Guide:
1. That farm boy standing next to the grain bin did more work before
breakfast than you do all week at the gym.... so think twice before making
fun of his bib-overalls and greasy John Deere hat.
2. It's called a "dirt road." No matter how slow you drive, you are going
to get dust on your Navigator. Drive it, or get out of the way.
3. We all started hunting and fishing when we were four years old. Yeah, we
saw "Bambi." We got over it.
4. Any references to "corn fed" when talking about our women will get you
whipped.... by our women.
5. Go a! head and bring your $600 Orvis Fly Rod. Just don't cry to us if a
flathead catfish breaks it off at the handle. We have a name for those
little trout you fish for.... "bait."
6. Pull your pants up and turn your baseball cap around. You look like an
idiot.
7. If that cell phone rings while a bunch of mallards are making their
final approach, we WILL shoot it. You might hope you don't have it up to
your ear at the time.
8. That's right. Whiskey is only two bucks. We can buy a fifth for what you
paid in the airport for one drink.
9. No, there's no "Vegetarian Special" on the menu at the truck stop. Order
the Chef's Salad and pick off the two pounds of ham and turkey if you've a
mind to act like a jackass.
10. You bring Coke into my house, it better be brown, wet, and served in a
glass of ice.
11. So you have a sixty-thousand dollar car you drive on the weekends?
We're
real impressed. We have a quarter of a million dollar combine that we use
two weeks a year.
12. Let's get this straight: We have one stoplight in town. We stop when
it's red. We may even stop when it's yellow.
13. Our women hunt, fish, and drive trucks.... because they want to. So,
you're a feminist. Ain't that cute?
14. Yeah, we eat catfish. Carp, too.... and turtle. You really want sushi
and caviar? It's available at the bait shop.
15. They're pigs. That's what they smell like. Get over it.
16. The "Opener" refers to the first day of deer season. It's a religious
holiday. You can get! breakfast at the church. You don't go to church? Then
stay home.
17. So, every person in every pickup truck waves. It's called "being
friendly." Understand the concept?
18. Yeah, we have golf courses. Don't hit in the water hazard. It spooks
the fish.
19. That Highway Patrol Officer that just pulled you over for driving like
an idiot.... his name is "Sir".... no matter how old or young he is.
Enjoy your visit.
develop when Easterners and Californians travel through our wonderful
states. So, from now on, when entering our states, they will be handed the
following:
Midwest Information Guide:
1. That farm boy standing next to the grain bin did more work before
breakfast than you do all week at the gym.... so think twice before making
fun of his bib-overalls and greasy John Deere hat.
2. It's called a "dirt road." No matter how slow you drive, you are going
to get dust on your Navigator. Drive it, or get out of the way.
3. We all started hunting and fishing when we were four years old. Yeah, we
saw "Bambi." We got over it.
4. Any references to "corn fed" when talking about our women will get you
whipped.... by our women.
5. Go a! head and bring your $600 Orvis Fly Rod. Just don't cry to us if a
flathead catfish breaks it off at the handle. We have a name for those
little trout you fish for.... "bait."
6. Pull your pants up and turn your baseball cap around. You look like an
idiot.
7. If that cell phone rings while a bunch of mallards are making their
final approach, we WILL shoot it. You might hope you don't have it up to
your ear at the time.
8. That's right. Whiskey is only two bucks. We can buy a fifth for what you
paid in the airport for one drink.
9. No, there's no "Vegetarian Special" on the menu at the truck stop. Order
the Chef's Salad and pick off the two pounds of ham and turkey if you've a
mind to act like a jackass.
10. You bring Coke into my house, it better be brown, wet, and served in a
glass of ice.
11. So you have a sixty-thousand dollar car you drive on the weekends?
We're
real impressed. We have a quarter of a million dollar combine that we use
two weeks a year.
12. Let's get this straight: We have one stoplight in town. We stop when
it's red. We may even stop when it's yellow.
13. Our women hunt, fish, and drive trucks.... because they want to. So,
you're a feminist. Ain't that cute?
14. Yeah, we eat catfish. Carp, too.... and turtle. You really want sushi
and caviar? It's available at the bait shop.
15. They're pigs. That's what they smell like. Get over it.
16. The "Opener" refers to the first day of deer season. It's a religious
holiday. You can get! breakfast at the church. You don't go to church? Then
stay home.
17. So, every person in every pickup truck waves. It's called "being
friendly." Understand the concept?
18. Yeah, we have golf courses. Don't hit in the water hazard. It spooks
the fish.
19. That Highway Patrol Officer that just pulled you over for driving like
an idiot.... his name is "Sir".... no matter how old or young he is.
Enjoy your visit.
