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COURT CASE: The Fans of the Dallas Cowboys vs. Drew Bledsoe
Trial held in the Court Of Public Opinion, Dallas, Texas.
(transcript)
Judge: Mr. Bledsoe you are charged with being an over-the-hill, has-been, never won the big one, need your coaching buddy to get a job, NFL quarterback. How do you plea?
Bledsoe: Not guilty, your honor.
Judge: Prosecution, please begin your arguments.
Prosecution: Your honor, the Cowboys fans have suffered long enough at the quarterback position. We are entering our 5th season without the Golden Boy, Troy Aikman, and it hasn't been pretty. How is a franchise raised on Meredith, Staubach and Aikman supposed to stomach Carter, Hutchinson and Testaverde? This is cruel and unusual punishment.
Now we are presented with Mr. Bledsoe. We will not deny in this courtroom that he's had some bright moments in his long career. But it's the "long" part of his career that concerns us. Mr. Bledsoe is 33 years old. If the NFL had a Seniors Tour like the PGA, then Mr. Bledsoe would be the model franchise quarterback. I'm not saying he's old judge, but we'd like our next franchise quarterback to not be eligible for Social Security checks.
The Cowboys fans admire courage, we like a tough QB with guts, just ask our good friend Dandy Don. But there is a fine line between courage and stupidity. Mr. Bledsoe's sack totals the last three years of 54, 49 and 37 says it ain't courage we're talking about here. Your honor, would it be so hard for him to throw the ball before he gets clobbered?
They say you can measure a man with a tape measure, but in Dallas, we prefer the QB Rating. Last year Mr. Bledsoe was 25th in the league with his QB Rating of 76.4. Heck judge, even Joey Harrington's was higher.
In conclusion, let me tell you what we have here your honor. We have a QB who has never won the big one, who's getting long in the tooth, who has never met a sack he didn't like, and who could serve as his own statue outside of his high school in Walla Walla, WA., saving them the money of building one. And he will be doing all this behind an offensive line that has more questions than the contestants on Jeopardy. Your honor, do the right thing, find in the prosecutions favor, and force the Colts to trade us Peyton Manning. Thank you.
Judge: The defense may proceed.
Defense: Your honor, the prosecution has certainly entertained us with a fanciful tale of a quarterback in decline, one who never quite made it to the top, one who is old and immobile. There's only one problem your honor, Vinny Testaverde is not on trial here. Just in case the prosecution has forgotten, let me get some basic facts out of the way.
Mr. Bledsoe is a four time Pro-Bowl QB. You may say that's in the distant past, but he was just over in Hawaii for the 2002 season. He has thrown for close to 40,000 yards in his career, that makes him # 10 in the entire history of the NFL. He has also thrown for 221 TD's. Numbers like that deserve respect, your honor.
We all like statistics, but when we think about quarterbacks, we think about one thing. What kind of arm does he have? Your honor, there is nobody in this courtroom who can deny Mr. Bledsoe's arm. You want the deep out? He's got it. How about the skinny post? Got that one, too. He can make all the throws and we're not talking about a pop-gun, no sir, but a bonafide high-caliber cannon.
Last year Mr. Bledsoe led his Buffalo team to an 8 and 2 record down the stretch. That's pretty good in any league. You might ask, "What about the first six games"? Well, Buffalo went 1 and 5 in those games. But they also didn't have a healthy Willis McGahee. You pair Mr. Bledsoe up with a quality RB and you get an 8-2 record. And I submit to this court that the Dallas Cowboys have a quality RB.
Your honor, Drew Bledsoe deserves his chance to lead the Dallas Cowboys. He was throwing touchdowns in this league when Drew Henson was still throwing a Nerf football. You want durability and courage, 8 times he has played all 16 games in a season, including the last 3 in Buffalo. You've got a better chance of staying healthy in Chernobyl than you do behind Buffalo's line. Your honor, unless you want to take your chances with an undrafted free-agent or a washed out baseball player, you must rule in favor of my client. Thank you.
Judge: Ladies and gentlemen, thank you for your time. The Court Of Public Opinion will render its verdict in the matter of The Dallas Cowboys Fans vs. Drew Bledsoe on January 1, 2006.
Trial held in the Court Of Public Opinion, Dallas, Texas.
(transcript)
Judge: Mr. Bledsoe you are charged with being an over-the-hill, has-been, never won the big one, need your coaching buddy to get a job, NFL quarterback. How do you plea?
Bledsoe: Not guilty, your honor.
Judge: Prosecution, please begin your arguments.
Prosecution: Your honor, the Cowboys fans have suffered long enough at the quarterback position. We are entering our 5th season without the Golden Boy, Troy Aikman, and it hasn't been pretty. How is a franchise raised on Meredith, Staubach and Aikman supposed to stomach Carter, Hutchinson and Testaverde? This is cruel and unusual punishment.
Now we are presented with Mr. Bledsoe. We will not deny in this courtroom that he's had some bright moments in his long career. But it's the "long" part of his career that concerns us. Mr. Bledsoe is 33 years old. If the NFL had a Seniors Tour like the PGA, then Mr. Bledsoe would be the model franchise quarterback. I'm not saying he's old judge, but we'd like our next franchise quarterback to not be eligible for Social Security checks.
The Cowboys fans admire courage, we like a tough QB with guts, just ask our good friend Dandy Don. But there is a fine line between courage and stupidity. Mr. Bledsoe's sack totals the last three years of 54, 49 and 37 says it ain't courage we're talking about here. Your honor, would it be so hard for him to throw the ball before he gets clobbered?
They say you can measure a man with a tape measure, but in Dallas, we prefer the QB Rating. Last year Mr. Bledsoe was 25th in the league with his QB Rating of 76.4. Heck judge, even Joey Harrington's was higher.
In conclusion, let me tell you what we have here your honor. We have a QB who has never won the big one, who's getting long in the tooth, who has never met a sack he didn't like, and who could serve as his own statue outside of his high school in Walla Walla, WA., saving them the money of building one. And he will be doing all this behind an offensive line that has more questions than the contestants on Jeopardy. Your honor, do the right thing, find in the prosecutions favor, and force the Colts to trade us Peyton Manning. Thank you.
Judge: The defense may proceed.
Defense: Your honor, the prosecution has certainly entertained us with a fanciful tale of a quarterback in decline, one who never quite made it to the top, one who is old and immobile. There's only one problem your honor, Vinny Testaverde is not on trial here. Just in case the prosecution has forgotten, let me get some basic facts out of the way.
Mr. Bledsoe is a four time Pro-Bowl QB. You may say that's in the distant past, but he was just over in Hawaii for the 2002 season. He has thrown for close to 40,000 yards in his career, that makes him # 10 in the entire history of the NFL. He has also thrown for 221 TD's. Numbers like that deserve respect, your honor.
We all like statistics, but when we think about quarterbacks, we think about one thing. What kind of arm does he have? Your honor, there is nobody in this courtroom who can deny Mr. Bledsoe's arm. You want the deep out? He's got it. How about the skinny post? Got that one, too. He can make all the throws and we're not talking about a pop-gun, no sir, but a bonafide high-caliber cannon.
Last year Mr. Bledsoe led his Buffalo team to an 8 and 2 record down the stretch. That's pretty good in any league. You might ask, "What about the first six games"? Well, Buffalo went 1 and 5 in those games. But they also didn't have a healthy Willis McGahee. You pair Mr. Bledsoe up with a quality RB and you get an 8-2 record. And I submit to this court that the Dallas Cowboys have a quality RB.
Your honor, Drew Bledsoe deserves his chance to lead the Dallas Cowboys. He was throwing touchdowns in this league when Drew Henson was still throwing a Nerf football. You want durability and courage, 8 times he has played all 16 games in a season, including the last 3 in Buffalo. You've got a better chance of staying healthy in Chernobyl than you do behind Buffalo's line. Your honor, unless you want to take your chances with an undrafted free-agent or a washed out baseball player, you must rule in favor of my client. Thank you.
Judge: Ladies and gentlemen, thank you for your time. The Court Of Public Opinion will render its verdict in the matter of The Dallas Cowboys Fans vs. Drew Bledsoe on January 1, 2006.
Nice going Wini.
