timb2
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Yes I am doing another of my annual Jerry Jones Cowboys mock draft,basically Jerry is horrible as being a GM. Luckily Stephen Jones & Garrett have had a pretty good control of Jerry during the draft the last few years.but this is my disaster mock draft scenario. I expect the worst on Draft Day and hope for the best.
I have studied how Jerry in the past would do his Draft after Jimmy Johnson and prior to Parcells and IT WAS A DISASTER.Jerry has no logic to his picks ,yet I studied how I do think he thinks on Draft Day.Certain things happen. If you think I'm full of it I got Taco Charlton correct last year and several other patterns correct.
Here are Jerry's Patterns.
1-You can forget any Miami Hurricanes to be drafted by Jerry since Jimmy Johnson left. Jerry is still trying to prove it was him not Jimmy Johnson who got us those 3 SB's in the 90's and anything related to Johnson still hurts him. Jerry holds his grudges. Don't believe me look it up. NO HURRICANES DRAFTED SINCE JOHNSON LEFT.
2-Jerry loves Arkansas. That is his Alma Mater and his thinks these guys walk on water and he goes after several Razorback free agents or the practice squad has been litter in the past with Razorbacks. So Jerry has a soft spot for them with rose color glasses on.
3-He likes Frankenstein O-Linemen. You can be 6ft-9inches and you are stiff as a cadaver and Jerry thinks we can make them a player.
4-Jerry likes midget WRs,LBs,RBs. He constantly is looking for the next punt returner.
5-Jerry likes stupid nicknames or weird names that you can't pronounce.You got a stupid nickname like "Skeeter" and Jerry believes that must make you a special player. Also some name that doesn't have vowels or a African name even Africans cannot pronounce Jerry is all over it.
6-Jerry loves to pick DE pass rushers and TE's in the 1st and the 2nd rounds. Constantly Jerry never could figure out why Romo could never find a TE the ball besides his BFF Jason Witten.
7-Jerry will draft Thugs,criminals,pyschopaths,and think he can change them from being a borderline killer to a starter.
8Jerry gets cheap some times and if low in the 1st round he will just trade down.Then he tortures the Cowboys fans even more on Draft Day by trading down even more. If Jerry could get 15 7th round picks he thinks he did a great deal in the draft.He thinks himself as a Riverboat Gambler but every other franchise knows he is a complete idiot and suckers him everytime.
9-If Jerry senses Cowboys fans are unhappy with the early picks Jerry will appease the Homer Fans by picking a player from some college in Texas hoping he will not .get their wrath.
10-Jerry likes to find some obscure school that no one has even heard of and Jerry will think this Division 3 guy is worth a draft pick.
11-Jerry will copy what other teams do. Eagles get McNabb and next year we get the GREAT QUINCEY CARTER.
12-Jerry doubledips for college players. Jerry has success with a player he goes back to that college hoping lightning strikes twice.
13-Jerry likes to pick players named "Jones" I believe Jerry envisions that is him with his named being called. Delusions of Grandure.
OK with those rules out I am doing this early because Jerry is the GM and I DO BELIEVE JERRY MIGHT FIND A NEW HEAD COACH AND OUR GINGERBREAD HEAD COACH IS SHOWN THE DOOR.
Remember Jerry copies others and with the YOUNG COACH being all the rage. Jerry hires JIM BOB COOTER. Why because Jerry is a moron and a bumpkin. What else can Jerry do to destroy the the reputation of America's Team than naming some goober named Jim Bob Cooter.
2nd thing ,Jerry has no alliance with Dak Prescott like he did with his nephew Tony Romo. Jerry signs JOHNNY MANZIEL. Jerry is a drunk and he needs to chase strippers and bimbos with someone. Manziel is the perfect candidate.
OK Jerry has the Draft War Room on Draft Day.everyone is locked out and Jerry is making the calls.
2018 Cowboys Draft
1st-CHUKWUMA OKAFOR OT WESTERN MICHIGAN.--even though we need a OG Jerry finds a guy with a weird name. -So you expect not so bad we just move Lael Collins to OG. Just wait for a later pick for your insides to start burning from ulcers.
2-FRANK RAGNOW OG ARKANSAS-Lael Collins gets traded away for an aging TE who makes Jason Witten look like a Olympic Sprinter. Collins is traded for Brent Celek from the Eagles.Also my nightmare I saw a poster write on the Official Boys website. We should make Rico Gathers a OT..Makes sense to them, not me. Gathers is a threat to Witten's starting spot so we have to do something. Witten needs to play till he is 99 years old. Please I will become a regular on that show "Life Below Zero" and a hermit talking to myself if this happens.Jerry gets his Razorback and in his mind thinks it can happen.
3rd-Akrum Wadley RB Iowa-Listed at 5'-10",188 lbs. There seems to be a reason they constantly do not want to use Alfred morris because Morris is a good player. That makes too much sense. We draft a midget scat back. Morris gets traded to the Ravens for RYAN MALLETT.Cooper Rush is going to be cut because he looks good but Jerry doesn't care he wants a Razorback QB.This is his team,not ours,
4th-JAMARCO JONES OT OHIO STATE-Jerry has had success with Ohio State and he double dips again for their college. Also another player named Jones.
5th-Matthew Oplinger OLB Yale-Smaller school and Jerry thinks he hits a homerun here because this kid is smart and from Yale and no one else even thought of him. Career backup and special at most.
6th-Jackson Bennett CB Ottawa- Jerry wants so bad to prove he is a genius and picks a CFL prospect .Bennett is a CB,WR,KR,PR.....Think ZURIEL SMITH???
7-Darren Carrington WR Former Oregon.--Kicked off for failing drug test ,arrested for DUI,and arrested for breaking a man's arm who he mistook for another man he had a confrontation with earlier. A TRUE WINNER!!!
I know we have other picks,but will include them when they fail the combine drug test or stalk their girlfiend or just got paroled out of prison... Also if this draft happens .be looking for me on LIFE BELOW ZERO>
I have studied how Jerry in the past would do his Draft after Jimmy Johnson and prior to Parcells and IT WAS A DISASTER.Jerry has no logic to his picks ,yet I studied how I do think he thinks on Draft Day.Certain things happen. If you think I'm full of it I got Taco Charlton correct last year and several other patterns correct.
Here are Jerry's Patterns.
1-You can forget any Miami Hurricanes to be drafted by Jerry since Jimmy Johnson left. Jerry is still trying to prove it was him not Jimmy Johnson who got us those 3 SB's in the 90's and anything related to Johnson still hurts him. Jerry holds his grudges. Don't believe me look it up. NO HURRICANES DRAFTED SINCE JOHNSON LEFT.
2-Jerry loves Arkansas. That is his Alma Mater and his thinks these guys walk on water and he goes after several Razorback free agents or the practice squad has been litter in the past with Razorbacks. So Jerry has a soft spot for them with rose color glasses on.
3-He likes Frankenstein O-Linemen. You can be 6ft-9inches and you are stiff as a cadaver and Jerry thinks we can make them a player.
4-Jerry likes midget WRs,LBs,RBs. He constantly is looking for the next punt returner.
5-Jerry likes stupid nicknames or weird names that you can't pronounce.You got a stupid nickname like "Skeeter" and Jerry believes that must make you a special player. Also some name that doesn't have vowels or a African name even Africans cannot pronounce Jerry is all over it.
6-Jerry loves to pick DE pass rushers and TE's in the 1st and the 2nd rounds. Constantly Jerry never could figure out why Romo could never find a TE the ball besides his BFF Jason Witten.
7-Jerry will draft Thugs,criminals,pyschopaths,and think he can change them from being a borderline killer to a starter.
8Jerry gets cheap some times and if low in the 1st round he will just trade down.Then he tortures the Cowboys fans even more on Draft Day by trading down even more. If Jerry could get 15 7th round picks he thinks he did a great deal in the draft.He thinks himself as a Riverboat Gambler but every other franchise knows he is a complete idiot and suckers him everytime.
9-If Jerry senses Cowboys fans are unhappy with the early picks Jerry will appease the Homer Fans by picking a player from some college in Texas hoping he will not .get their wrath.
10-Jerry likes to find some obscure school that no one has even heard of and Jerry will think this Division 3 guy is worth a draft pick.
11-Jerry will copy what other teams do. Eagles get McNabb and next year we get the GREAT QUINCEY CARTER.
12-Jerry doubledips for college players. Jerry has success with a player he goes back to that college hoping lightning strikes twice.
13-Jerry likes to pick players named "Jones" I believe Jerry envisions that is him with his named being called. Delusions of Grandure.
OK with those rules out I am doing this early because Jerry is the GM and I DO BELIEVE JERRY MIGHT FIND A NEW HEAD COACH AND OUR GINGERBREAD HEAD COACH IS SHOWN THE DOOR.
Remember Jerry copies others and with the YOUNG COACH being all the rage. Jerry hires JIM BOB COOTER. Why because Jerry is a moron and a bumpkin. What else can Jerry do to destroy the the reputation of America's Team than naming some goober named Jim Bob Cooter.
2nd thing ,Jerry has no alliance with Dak Prescott like he did with his nephew Tony Romo. Jerry signs JOHNNY MANZIEL. Jerry is a drunk and he needs to chase strippers and bimbos with someone. Manziel is the perfect candidate.
OK Jerry has the Draft War Room on Draft Day.everyone is locked out and Jerry is making the calls.
2018 Cowboys Draft
1st-CHUKWUMA OKAFOR OT WESTERN MICHIGAN.--even though we need a OG Jerry finds a guy with a weird name. -So you expect not so bad we just move Lael Collins to OG. Just wait for a later pick for your insides to start burning from ulcers.
2-FRANK RAGNOW OG ARKANSAS-Lael Collins gets traded away for an aging TE who makes Jason Witten look like a Olympic Sprinter. Collins is traded for Brent Celek from the Eagles.Also my nightmare I saw a poster write on the Official Boys website. We should make Rico Gathers a OT..Makes sense to them, not me. Gathers is a threat to Witten's starting spot so we have to do something. Witten needs to play till he is 99 years old. Please I will become a regular on that show "Life Below Zero" and a hermit talking to myself if this happens.Jerry gets his Razorback and in his mind thinks it can happen.
3rd-Akrum Wadley RB Iowa-Listed at 5'-10",188 lbs. There seems to be a reason they constantly do not want to use Alfred morris because Morris is a good player. That makes too much sense. We draft a midget scat back. Morris gets traded to the Ravens for RYAN MALLETT.Cooper Rush is going to be cut because he looks good but Jerry doesn't care he wants a Razorback QB.This is his team,not ours,
4th-JAMARCO JONES OT OHIO STATE-Jerry has had success with Ohio State and he double dips again for their college. Also another player named Jones.
5th-Matthew Oplinger OLB Yale-Smaller school and Jerry thinks he hits a homerun here because this kid is smart and from Yale and no one else even thought of him. Career backup and special at most.
6th-Jackson Bennett CB Ottawa- Jerry wants so bad to prove he is a genius and picks a CFL prospect .Bennett is a CB,WR,KR,PR.....Think ZURIEL SMITH???
7-Darren Carrington WR Former Oregon.--Kicked off for failing drug test ,arrested for DUI,and arrested for breaking a man's arm who he mistook for another man he had a confrontation with earlier. A TRUE WINNER!!!
I know we have other picks,but will include them when they fail the combine drug test or stalk their girlfiend or just got paroled out of prison... Also if this draft happens .be looking for me on LIFE BELOW ZERO>
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