timb2
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This is for Satire
So as usual, Jerry impulsively locks everyone out of the Dallas Draft War Room so we cannot stop him from making all the picks.
Yes as a long time Cowboys fan I and you have had to suffer through are Megalomaniac Owner destroying the Cowboys Drafts. Well right now in Free Agency Jerry is making all the right moves to make us bottomfeeders in the NFC again. Way to go Jerry!!
Ok over the years analyzing Jerry as a GM he has certain rules. The problem is they're is NO RHYME OR REASON TO THEM. Unlike Al Davis who went by combine stats fastest,strongest,and biggest. Jerry does none of this just what's in his idiotic mind that makes sense only to him.
Here are the Jerry Rules
1- No Miami Hurricanes since Jimmy left. Jerry holds grudges and Miami players remind him too much of Jimmy.( Except that 1 year where they must have read my mock draft).No Canes.
2- Loves his Alma Mater Arkansas. If Jerry can't draft them he will pick them up in free agency years later. Razorbacks can walk on water to Jerry.
3- Jerry likes Stupid Nicknames and Names You Cannot Pronounce. So Cooter,Goober,Hayseed,Skeeter,Billy- Bob and all the strange names that hard to say that have no vowels, you got an inside track.
4- Jerry likes to draft midgets at certain positions. WR,LB,and RB( Deuce Vaughn come to mind )?
5- Jerry likes Frankenstein O- Linemen. Some guy who is big as a house but just as mobile. Some clumsy goof statue who can't walk and chew bubble gum at the same time. Guys with two left feet. Guys who couldn't run a 40 yard dash if you spotted him 35 yards and Jerry is still tickled pink with you.
6- Jerry doesn't mind criminals. You could have been in prison ,a mental institution, and currently wanted and Jerry is the guy who wants to give you a chance in the NFL.
7- Jerry makes the Panic Homer pick. Jerry feels backlash of crapping up the first couple of picks and to appease the home fans he drafts someone from a Texas University. That's all throughout Texas. SMU,TEXAS A& M,BAYLOR,RICE,UTEP,HOUSTON,TEXAS TECH,etc.
8- Jerry likes to find that small school player thinking he outsmarted the rest of the NFL. Some player no one ever heard of from powerhouses like Sacred Heart or Indiana of PA,etc.
9- Jerry will look for a Token. Guys like Lynn Scott, Pat Jeffers,Stan Smagala,Scott Ankrom come to mind
MOCK DRAFT NEXT POST
So as usual, Jerry impulsively locks everyone out of the Dallas Draft War Room so we cannot stop him from making all the picks.
Yes as a long time Cowboys fan I and you have had to suffer through are Megalomaniac Owner destroying the Cowboys Drafts. Well right now in Free Agency Jerry is making all the right moves to make us bottomfeeders in the NFC again. Way to go Jerry!!
Ok over the years analyzing Jerry as a GM he has certain rules. The problem is they're is NO RHYME OR REASON TO THEM. Unlike Al Davis who went by combine stats fastest,strongest,and biggest. Jerry does none of this just what's in his idiotic mind that makes sense only to him.
Here are the Jerry Rules
1- No Miami Hurricanes since Jimmy left. Jerry holds grudges and Miami players remind him too much of Jimmy.( Except that 1 year where they must have read my mock draft).No Canes.
2- Loves his Alma Mater Arkansas. If Jerry can't draft them he will pick them up in free agency years later. Razorbacks can walk on water to Jerry.
3- Jerry likes Stupid Nicknames and Names You Cannot Pronounce. So Cooter,Goober,Hayseed,Skeeter,Billy- Bob and all the strange names that hard to say that have no vowels, you got an inside track.
4- Jerry likes to draft midgets at certain positions. WR,LB,and RB( Deuce Vaughn come to mind )?
5- Jerry likes Frankenstein O- Linemen. Some guy who is big as a house but just as mobile. Some clumsy goof statue who can't walk and chew bubble gum at the same time. Guys with two left feet. Guys who couldn't run a 40 yard dash if you spotted him 35 yards and Jerry is still tickled pink with you.
6- Jerry doesn't mind criminals. You could have been in prison ,a mental institution, and currently wanted and Jerry is the guy who wants to give you a chance in the NFL.
7- Jerry makes the Panic Homer pick. Jerry feels backlash of crapping up the first couple of picks and to appease the home fans he drafts someone from a Texas University. That's all throughout Texas. SMU,TEXAS A& M,BAYLOR,RICE,UTEP,HOUSTON,TEXAS TECH,etc.
8- Jerry likes to find that small school player thinking he outsmarted the rest of the NFL. Some player no one ever heard of from powerhouses like Sacred Heart or Indiana of PA,etc.
9- Jerry will look for a Token. Guys like Lynn Scott, Pat Jeffers,Stan Smagala,Scott Ankrom come to mind
MOCK DRAFT NEXT POST
