Todd Collins' blog

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http://toddcoll15.blogspot.com/

Here's the wrap-up from his game against Minnesota. This is updated in-game, so if you're bored on Sunday watching our scrubs drum the Skins, this blog is fun.

Game Wrap-Up - As I said last week, TC loves two things - blogging and winning. Therefore, this ties the previous two weeks as the best weeks of my life. I had a good time leading scoring drives, throwing touchdowns, not throwing interceptions, calling the defense in the first half, and writing some mandolin classics on the sidelines. Final stats - 22/29, 254 yards, 2TDs. That's good enough for another 100+ QB rating, and if it's not...it should be. Those days of 5-7 records and not making the playoffs in the Jason Campbell era seem long ago. I gotta go get my groom on for all this post-game love I get. I might go with black on black like last week. Ok, I'll catch you all later this week. Happy Holidays from TC!

11:10 - Being a team player, I'm gonna give Clinton a bunch of credit on that drive. However, TC is a master slant passer which accounted for about 90% of that score.

11:00 - Not to be out done by Tavarias, TC had to show his mobility on that first down run. But TC can follow it up with a beautiful pass. I wouldn't worry about the fumble, I've got like two verses left..then I'll wrap up this game.....nevermind, back to the field!

10:47 - I'd like to take this brief minute, while I watch the Vikings march down the field, to remind you that my interception-less streak has been extended to ten years, two games, and three quarters.

10:36 - It's been awhile since I've touched the pigskin, but I'm kind of glad Minnesota recovered that onside kick. I mean, we're gonna win anyway, and I'm really making some progress on these songs I'm writing on the sidelines. Be sure to pick up my CD in 2008.

10:23 - 25-0. After a lively half time which included reggaeton and Irish jigging, we came out with some pep. I decided to show my versatility by throwing a pancake block on 3rd and goal.

9:48 - Halftime Entertainment!

9:42 - I will now only respond to Todd "el saviorrrrr" Collins with lots of rolling R's. Looks like Clinton has picked up on my throwing lessons to Jason. I'm on my way to another 100+ rating. 22-0.

9:25 - Godly deep ball to Santana...never had to break stride. 16-0.

9:21 - This is getting absurd. The defense is forcing me to get on the field faster than you can say "fire-roasted fresh artichoke." Anyway, that three and out I just orchestrated should teach them a lesson. Time to do into my fire-roasted...CHRIST, back on the field.

9:12 - So the TC-sneak comes a week after the Madden preview, but it's just as effective. A few nice screen passes set up a fake FG attempt which I created after 12 years on special teams. The result? Negative. Still 9-0

9:00 - Ok, I know some of you are thinking that the fumble was quite an un-TC thing to do. But, how many of you have kept a meatball marinara in Mark Brunell's hand-warmer for an entire quarter? I had to get back to the sideline.

8:50 - TC with a jump shot into Cooley's arms that would make Detlef Schrempf jealous. Now that I'm officially on the way to 3-0 as a starter, it's time to second guess Joe's week 1 decision to go to Jason. Extrapolate this record to the entire season and we're 15-0 after today...look out Patriots.

8:35 - Something I've been teaching Jason throughout the year is that the most effective passes are in the air for less than 5 yards. I'm an extremely accurate shovel passer, so we've worked that into the playbook this week. Smoot's been eating those power bars again...but runs out of bounds inside the ten (as we had discussed) so that TC can pad those legendary stats on this contract year. Rats, I gotta get back on the field, 2-0.

8:27 - Al loves opening up the passing game when I play, so I think they were ready for it. Some monster giant of a man bats my first pass down, then a Collins special (screen pass) goes for nada mucho when Sellers can't break a simple tackle. Well, time to go unwrap my meatball marinara before next possession.

7:15 - About an hour before gametime and I'm getting out of the hot-tub after a nice rub down and eyebrow plucking from Papa Al Saunders. Next step is to get the hair set since I've been running around in this Minnesota snow all morning trying to get Andrea a nice Christmas gift, as well as something that shows my appreciation to the staff of the Cheesecake Factory. Then I'll get my right arm well oiled and ready to go. We control our own destiny now...of course TC doesn't believe in destiny - only hard work and sacrifice. Wish me luck!

Que pasas casas...it's your one-time NFC player of the week TC here coming to you live from my brand new yacht which I'm planning to pay for with the Pro-Bowl bonus that will be coming my way soon. It's nice to get out here on the high seas of that beautiful Bahamian water with some good friends, good food, good tunes and good times. I've brought my favorite staff from the Cheesecake Factory to celebrate the end of such a wonderful week. So let TC take you on a voyage aboard my blogging-boat for the next few minutes to tell you exactly what went down this week.

Last week was quite the whirlwind for me. With all the plans I made this summer such as mandolin lessons, public speaking engagements, running a few half marathons, bringing a class action lawsuit on behalf of the Walpole Carpenters Union, Dancing With the Stars, and perfecting the Superbowl Shuffle, this was really the first week I was able to free my schedule enough to prepare to start a game.

So the week started with high acclaim and a well deserved award for only the best players in the NFC. Now that I've become such a celebrity in DC, I was invited to an exclusive DC fraternity with other famous people from here. So Wednesday night I went to K Street Lounge to celebrate with an eclectic group which included Dave Chappelle, Connie Chung, Tim Gunn, Maury Povich and a Jim Morrison impersonator. The night got a little out of control when Connie and Tim insisted on doing body shots on yours truly. Fortunately, I was able to get out of there with my dignity and return home to my Georgetown estate with a few buddies for an after hour party since Andrea's been a little busy this week.

The Mitchell Report was the next biggest event (besides me) to come out of this week. I have to admit I was a little nervous on this one. Rumors have been circulating about my 10-0 season as a starting pitcher for Walpole High School in 1988. One night at a local Boston bar with some Bellirica High cheerleaders, I was downing a few cold ones with my boyhood idol - Roger Clemens. He taught me his 5 C's of pitching...cream, control, change-ups, chicanery, and cream. He gave me a can of this aforementioned cream. Next thing I know, I had bigger biceps, 5 more MPHs to the fastball and an extra inch of optical edge.

Folks, I got a very special call on Friday while sitting on my beach chair and overseeing practice. It turns out that yours truly had created new life. I took the private jet that I co-own with Danny and went to see Andrea. It was very special to see a young Jack Collins just walk out and say his first words - "what's going on pops?" Fast development runs in the family.

The game was pretty special as I continued my winning streak at 2, my undefeated streak at 10 years, and my interception streak which is moving towards eternal. I'd like to thank Amani for helping me out with some drops, and an "unintentional" roll into the Shocker. For more on the game...make sure to read the live blog from Sunday.

Finally, I concluded my week by flying to Ann Arbor to introdue the next face of Michigan football - Rich Rodriguez. We've been working on a deal for when my playing career is over in ten years to be an offensive coordinator at Michigan. RichRod has seen me use my legs to propel my NFL career and couldn't think of anyone he'd rather have teaching the option-spread offense. However, I was quite disgusted when RichRod misrepresented the all-time classic, The Lion King at his national press conference. Coach Fraud said - "there's a scene where the monkey hits the lion over the head and the lion says, 'What did you do that for?' And the monkey says, 'Doesn't matter, it's in the past." Although genius for bringing up the Lion King, everyone know that Rafiki was actually trying to teach Simba that the past does matter, and can hurt. I just wanted to get that off my chest...phew.

Ok, well it's been a great week full of winning football games, incomplete passes, Baby Collins', new coaches, steroid probes, Disney monkeys, and too much Connie Chung. I've rambled on long enough, and I just noticed that Antwaan scripted "man lover" into my chest with the suntan lotion... not that there's anything wrong with that. I'll see y'all with my game preview in a few days!