Cowboys 34
Beagles 9
Philthadelphia, PA - Associated Pest
October 8, 2006
Disgusted with their miserable lives yet again the game becomes a swirling, vivid, harsh reminder of just how low the lowly have fallen. By the halfway mark of the 3rd quarter, toofless (da ones wit' no toofs), scraggly, skanky drunk beagle fans band together to storm the field in an all-too-common fit of rage and defiance. Sideline reporter Suzy Kolber frantically reports that TO cannot be located, and that he is believed missing and is possibly the victim of an alleged kidnapping plot. Suzy gets hit in the head by a drunk fan and is knocked out cold, but returns 20 minutes later to report that TO is allegedly being held by drunken, crazed, maniacal fans as a captive/prisoner in a locked/secured maintenance wing in the basement of the stinc.
Late Sunday evening - Fox Sports and Comcast Network BOTH report that Philthy mayor John Street places a frantic call to good friend and highly respected mayor and political dignitary of New Orleans, Ray Nagin for advice and assistance with regard to handling this type of unprecedented crisis in the city of Philthadelphia. Nagin reportedly mumbles something about Chocolate or Vanilla and the "Superfriends" to Street... (developing)
During Monday Night Football's halftime segment, Peter King reports that Ray Nagin suggested calling on "Spiderman" or "Batman" in hopes of a miraculous ending to this horrifying story. 24 hours later, CNN and George Michael of the Sports Machine report that numerous call by Mayor street to Spiderman and Batman go unreturned. The world waits...
And then the break we were all waiting for: After 4 days of hostility and negotations gone wrong - the fans of philthy and TO emerge from the basement of said stinc holding hands and singing "kumbaya". Fans of all sports franchises everywhere, in all nations throughout the world are united as one, and order is restored to the nation.
Fox Sports later reports that ESPN Network, based in Bristol, Connecticut - has "imploded" in on itself. At this time there is no report on the amount of damage caused by this implosion. We will keep you posted.... Please stay tuned...(Developing)
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