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By Tony Kornheiser
Monday, November 14, 2005; Page E02
Gaaaaaaacccckk!
What a revolting development this is. How do you score 35 points and lose? The last time it happened to the Commanders wasn't even in this century!
Just last week I wrote one of these columnettes predicting that the Commanders would run the table. How stupid am I? I didn't even get through the first week!
What a galling defeat, especially after Mark Brunell was so terrific in the second half, converting on every important third (and fourth) down. And of all the people to lose to: First, there's this pisher Chris Simms. The past two games Simms was so terrible that everyone in Tampa was screaming for his blond head on a stick. Now all of a sudden he's Phil Simms? Exactly what kind of defense did Gregg Williams call for in the fourth quarter? The "Swiss Cheese" defense? I've seen smaller gaps between Michael Strahan's front teeth.
And to get beat by geriatrics like Simeon Rice, Joey Galloway and Mike Alstott. Those guys are so old, they played against Gibbs the last time. Seriously, I thought Alstott retired three years ago with a broken neck. He's had his bell rung so many times you can play "Jingle Bell Rock" on his chinstrap. Imagine my surprise to see him score two TDs and that two-point conversion. Now that call took onions. It's the dumbest call in history if Alstott doesn't make it. Oh, silly me, his elbow didn't.
Worst of all is to lose to Gruden, who was dropping f-bombs on the sideline like he was Denis Leary. Did you see Gruden in his long sleeve red silk T-shirt and that gold chain? He looked like Sonny Crockett in "Miami Vice." Will somebody please tell Gruden that the '80s are over? Oh, the embarrassment. Come on, how do you lose to a team with a player named Booger?
On the brighter side, Clinton Portis proved that he can have a great day while wearing the same socks as everybody else. Good, because the next time he decides to declare himself a star by showing up in different clothing than his teammates, the NFL ought to fine him one million dollars.
Monday, November 14, 2005; Page E02
Gaaaaaaacccckk!
What a revolting development this is. How do you score 35 points and lose? The last time it happened to the Commanders wasn't even in this century!
Just last week I wrote one of these columnettes predicting that the Commanders would run the table. How stupid am I? I didn't even get through the first week!
What a galling defeat, especially after Mark Brunell was so terrific in the second half, converting on every important third (and fourth) down. And of all the people to lose to: First, there's this pisher Chris Simms. The past two games Simms was so terrible that everyone in Tampa was screaming for his blond head on a stick. Now all of a sudden he's Phil Simms? Exactly what kind of defense did Gregg Williams call for in the fourth quarter? The "Swiss Cheese" defense? I've seen smaller gaps between Michael Strahan's front teeth.
And to get beat by geriatrics like Simeon Rice, Joey Galloway and Mike Alstott. Those guys are so old, they played against Gibbs the last time. Seriously, I thought Alstott retired three years ago with a broken neck. He's had his bell rung so many times you can play "Jingle Bell Rock" on his chinstrap. Imagine my surprise to see him score two TDs and that two-point conversion. Now that call took onions. It's the dumbest call in history if Alstott doesn't make it. Oh, silly me, his elbow didn't.
Worst of all is to lose to Gruden, who was dropping f-bombs on the sideline like he was Denis Leary. Did you see Gruden in his long sleeve red silk T-shirt and that gold chain? He looked like Sonny Crockett in "Miami Vice." Will somebody please tell Gruden that the '80s are over? Oh, the embarrassment. Come on, how do you lose to a team with a player named Booger?
On the brighter side, Clinton Portis proved that he can have a great day while wearing the same socks as everybody else. Good, because the next time he decides to declare himself a star by showing up in different clothing than his teammates, the NFL ought to fine him one million dollars.
