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Chuck Norris roots for the boys...
- Thread starter Aztec_1
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kmp77
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There is no 'ctrl' button on Chuck Norris's computer. Chuck Norris is always in control.
Apple pays Chuck Norris 99 cents every time he listens to a song.
Chuck Norris can sneeze with his eyes open.
Chuck Norris destroyed the periodic table, because he only recognizes the element of surprise.
Chuck Norris can kill two stones with one bird.
Chuck Norris says kmp77 is lame for posting these.
Apple pays Chuck Norris 99 cents every time he listens to a song.
Chuck Norris can sneeze with his eyes open.
Chuck Norris destroyed the periodic table, because he only recognizes the element of surprise.
Chuck Norris can kill two stones with one bird.
Chuck Norris says kmp77 is lame for posting these.
dallasfaniac
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Chuck Norris killed a man for posting innacturate information about him on a forum and th....What are you doing in here....stay away from m
Cajuncowboy
Preacher From The Black Lagoon
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There's no chin behind Chuck Norris' beard. Just another fist.
Mavs Man
All outta bubble gum
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Chuck Norris always wins the coin toss. Always.
Chuck Norris once kicked an 80 yard field goal. Not only was it good, but it was worth 10 points.
When he played, Chuck Norris once recorded 895 tackles in one season! Mind you, those were the ones who survived.
On 4th and 20, Chuck Norris can kneel the football and still get a first down.
Brokeback Mountain isn't just a movie. It's also what Chuck Norris calls opposing linemen after a play.
Brett Favre can throw a football over 50 yards. Chuck Norris can throw Brett Favre even further.
After a legendary college career, the NCAA decided to rename the Heisman Trophy the Chuck Norris Trophy. But they were unable to carve his likeness into a statue because bronze wasn't hard enough for his beard.
Chuck Norris was the reason NFL overtimes are now known as "Sudden Death".
Chuck Norris doesn't study game film. He stares it down until he gets the information he wants.
When Chuck Norris played, there was no time clock. He decided what time it was.
When it rains, Chuck Norris doesn't get wet. The water gets Chuck Norris-ed.
Non-football: The original theme song to the Transformers was actually "Chuck Norris--more than meets the eye, Chuck Norris--robot in disguise," and starred Chuck Norris as a Texas Ranger who defended the earth from drug-dealing Decepticons and could turn into a pick-up. This was far too much awesome for a single show, however, so it was divided.
Chuck Norris once kicked an 80 yard field goal. Not only was it good, but it was worth 10 points.
When he played, Chuck Norris once recorded 895 tackles in one season! Mind you, those were the ones who survived.
On 4th and 20, Chuck Norris can kneel the football and still get a first down.
Brokeback Mountain isn't just a movie. It's also what Chuck Norris calls opposing linemen after a play.
Brett Favre can throw a football over 50 yards. Chuck Norris can throw Brett Favre even further.
After a legendary college career, the NCAA decided to rename the Heisman Trophy the Chuck Norris Trophy. But they were unable to carve his likeness into a statue because bronze wasn't hard enough for his beard.
Chuck Norris was the reason NFL overtimes are now known as "Sudden Death".
Chuck Norris doesn't study game film. He stares it down until he gets the information he wants.
When Chuck Norris played, there was no time clock. He decided what time it was.
When it rains, Chuck Norris doesn't get wet. The water gets Chuck Norris-ed.
Non-football: The original theme song to the Transformers was actually "Chuck Norris--more than meets the eye, Chuck Norris--robot in disguise," and starred Chuck Norris as a Texas Ranger who defended the earth from drug-dealing Decepticons and could turn into a pick-up. This was far too much awesome for a single show, however, so it was divided.
The30YardSlant
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Someone once told Chuck Norris that a roundhouse kick was not the best law-enforcement technique. This has been recorded by historians as the worst mistake anyone has ever made.
LittleBoyBlue
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Cajuncowboy;1893089 said:
Hey.... his show was "Walker, Texas Ranger".... bad arse Cowboy
VietCowboy
Be Realistic. Demand the Impossible.
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YoMick;1893199 said:
Hey.... his show was "Walker, Texas Ranger".... bad arse Cowboy
makes me think of talledega nights...
Gangsta Spanksta
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Unlike Eli, Chuck Norris knows the unstoppable fighting technique.
Chuck Norris can drink an entire gallon of milk in forty-seven seconds.
Chuck Norris once bet NASA he could survive re-entry without a spacesuit. On July 19th, 1999, a naked Chuck Norris re-entered the earth's atmosphere, streaking over 14 states and reaching a temperature of 3000 degrees. An embarrassed NASA publicly claimed it was a meteor, and still owes him a beer.
A Handicap parking sign does not signify that this spot is for handicapped people. It is actually in fact a warning, that the spot belongs to Chuck Norris and that you will be handicapped if you park there.
Chuck Norris can drink an entire gallon of milk in forty-seven seconds.
Chuck Norris once bet NASA he could survive re-entry without a spacesuit. On July 19th, 1999, a naked Chuck Norris re-entered the earth's atmosphere, streaking over 14 states and reaching a temperature of 3000 degrees. An embarrassed NASA publicly claimed it was a meteor, and still owes him a beer.
A Handicap parking sign does not signify that this spot is for handicapped people. It is actually in fact a warning, that the spot belongs to Chuck Norris and that you will be handicapped if you park there.
TheBeheader31
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Before the boogie man goes to sleep at night he checks his closet for Chuck Norris.
Tyronosaurus77
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Chuck Norris dosnt do pushup's only pushes the earth down.
Chuck Norris dosnt consider it sex if the woman survives.
Chuck Norris once had the idea of bottling his own urine, this is known today as redbull.
Chuck Norris dosnt consider it sex if the woman survives.
Chuck Norris once had the idea of bottling his own urine, this is known today as redbull.
Established1971
fiveandcounting
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Aztec_1;1893080 said:
Yeah, he's had awful plastic surgery, looks chinese now. Also, hasnt had a hit movie in many, many years.
CrazyCowboy
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guess he is da man!
Wimbo
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Chuck Norris can eat just one Lays Potato Chip.
There is no theory of evolution. Just a list of creatures Chuck Norris has allowed to live.
Chuck Norris' hand is the only thing that can beat a Royal Flush.
There are no races, only countries of people Chuck Norris has beaten to different shades of black and blue.
How much wood would a woodchuck chuck if a woodchuck could Chuck Norris? ...All of it.
Chuck Norris can divide by zero.
It takes Chuck Norris 20 minutes to watch 60 Minutes.
There is no theory of evolution. Just a list of creatures Chuck Norris has allowed to live.
Chuck Norris' hand is the only thing that can beat a Royal Flush.
There are no races, only countries of people Chuck Norris has beaten to different shades of black and blue.
How much wood would a woodchuck chuck if a woodchuck could Chuck Norris? ...All of it.
Chuck Norris can divide by zero.
It takes Chuck Norris 20 minutes to watch 60 Minutes.
Gangsta Spanksta
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Someone once tried to tell Chuck Norris that roundhouse kicks aren't the best way to kick someone. This has been recorded by historians as the worst mistake anyone has ever made.
If you say Chuck Norris' name in Mongolia, the people there will roundhouse kick you in his honor. Their kick will be followed by the REAL roundhouse delivered by none other than Norris himself.
Rather than being birthed like a normal child, Chuck Norris instead decided to punch his way out of his mother’s womb.
Chuck Norris discovered a new theory of relativity involving multiple universes in which Chuck Norris is even more badass than in this one. When it was discovered by Albert Einstein and made public, Chuck Norris roundhouse-kicked him in the face. We know Albert Einstein today as Stephen Hawking.
If you say Chuck Norris' name in Mongolia, the people there will roundhouse kick you in his honor. Their kick will be followed by the REAL roundhouse delivered by none other than Norris himself.
Rather than being birthed like a normal child, Chuck Norris instead decided to punch his way out of his mother’s womb.
Chuck Norris discovered a new theory of relativity involving multiple universes in which Chuck Norris is even more badass than in this one. When it was discovered by Albert Einstein and made public, Chuck Norris roundhouse-kicked him in the face. We know Albert Einstein today as Stephen Hawking.