Big damned deal. Can I tell you about the peanuts?
Oh hell, I'm going to anyway. While I acknowledge that there does exist the peanut, it is not the origin of your team name. That still remains utterly stupid.
When you are done reading this I have only one question for you. Do you still want to play? I got way more ammo than you could ever bring.
*****
Yesterday I asked several Commanders fans to tell us about the peanuts. They wouldn't, so I will. I have shared snippets of this story before, but never the whole story.
I used to work construction, and in the field I always wore a Dallas Cowboys ball cap. One day we were having a load of lumber delivered and the driver notices my cap and proceeds to dazzle me with his brilliance. You will soon discover I am being very sarcastic about his brilliance.
I am sorry to say he was the dumbest football fan I have ever met. It is a wide gap to the second dumbest. To this day I continue to hope that this man never has children. That would be cruel.
You see, he told me about the peanuts. I have never been quite the same.
As you have undoubtedly guessed he was a Commanders fan. I do not know why, but out of the clear blue after he made a remark about my cap he began to tell me that the mascot Commanders was not a slight of Native Americans. You see, the name actually comes from a brand of peanut that is indigenous (hell no he didn't use that word, he was an idiot) only to the area around Washington, DC.
Sadly, he wasn't kidding. He proceeded to describe for me the red skin of this particular peanut and even told me how I have probably eaten these peanuts and didn't know that they were Commander peanuts from that area.
I was fascinated. Not so much by his story as I was that he could actually form words into sentences. Quite a feat for someone of such low intelligence quotient. He ended by telling me that whenever he had the chance to do so, he told people the true meaning of the word Commanders that is the team mascot.
Then he did the dumbest thing of all. He asked me what I thought.
So, I told him.
The first thing I asked him was if he thought the Commanders had always been in the District of Columbia. I could tell by his blank expression that he had no idea where I was going. I honestly don't think he knew DC stood for District of Columbia.
The fact of the matter is, the team originated from Boston and their first year, 1932, they were the Boston Football Braves. The word Football was there to distinguish them from the baseball team of the same name.
I asked him if there was a Braves peanut indigenous to the Boston area. He stuttered and stammered a couple of guttural grunting noises, but it was clear immediately that he was completely unaware of this fact about his team.
I then told him that after the inaugural year as the Braves they moved across Boston to Fenway Park and instead of calling themselves the Boston Football Red Sox, they went with Commanders. It was at this time that the theory began that the name Commanders was in honor of coach Sonny Dietz, a man who was part Sioux Indian. Quite a tribute given they fired the man right after the very next year. Two years before they moved to DC and kept the mascot name. I tend to doubt the name is really a tribute to Dietz.
How prescient of the team to know that four years before they would ever move to the area where this rare peanut is found and apparently revered enough to be anonymous to the rest of the thinking world, that the team would go ahead and honor this peanut with its own NFL mascot. That is the essence of omniscience.
You see, you did not know this yesterday but that logo on the sides of their helmets is actually a peanut. Chief Zee (whom I really respect by the way) is actually merely another variation of the Planters peanut man. It's just that instead of a top hat, tuxedo, cane, and monocle he has a headdress, buckskins, tomahawk, and glasses.
I believe this Forrest Gump-like Commanders fan wanted to leave right then and there, but I was not going to let that happen.
I asked him if he liked the song "Hail to the Commanders." Of course he did. The best damn fight song in the NFL. I briefly considered telling him that his precious fight song is directly responsible for the Dallas Cowboys landing a team, but I felt that might crush him. I love that story though. I did ask him to tell me about the peanut lines in the song. I figured since he knew it and loved it this would be an easy task.
He said that the words of the song didn't say anything about peanuts, but that the name Commanders still wasn't an insult.
Here are the original words to that song...
[FONT=Arial,Helvetica]Hail to the Commanders![/FONT]
[FONT=Arial,Helvetica]Hail Victory![/FONT]
[FONT=Arial,Helvetica]Braves on the Warpath![/FONT]
[FONT=Arial,Helvetica]Fight for old Dixie![/FONT]
[FONT=Arial,Helvetica]Run or pass and score -- we want a lot more![/FONT]
[FONT=Arial,Helvetica]Scalp 'em, swamp 'em -- We will take 'em big score[/FONT]
[FONT=Arial,Helvetica]Read 'em, weep 'em, touchdown - we want heap more[/FONT]
[FONT=Arial,Helvetica]Fight on, Fight on -- 'Till you have won[/FONT]
[FONT=Arial,Helvetica]Sons of Wash-ing-ton. Rah!, Rah!, Rah![/FONT]
Yeah, those words were not meant to perpetrate a stereotype at all.
It was already clear to me that he had no idea of the study of etymology, which is the origin of words. If he had known of it he would have found that there was no such thing as a Commander peanut. I am sorry to tell you that. I know you were all adding it to your grocery lists. However, just like no California team has an avocado mascot, no Washington team has an apple mascot, no Florida team has a citrus mascot, the Commanders have nothing to do with peanuts.
You see, the word actually comes from the time of the trappers. They sold wolf skins, beaver skins, bearskins, and some sold Commanders. Those were Indian scalps. Of course the word is meant as a slight against Native Americans. Some will argue that the original intent of the word has evolved, and that is fine if they choose to believe that, but folks it never had anything to do with peanuts. I am sure you already knew that.
Delivery boy didn't. I asked him to tell me about George Preston Marshall. He said he didn't even know what position he played. So I told him he was the founder of the Washington Commanders. I also told him that GP Marshall was also the biggest racist in the History of the NFL. The Grand Wizard. He was directly responsible for the ostracism of Blacks from the NFL though they had originally been welcome to play and did play for a time until he intervened and used his incredible pressure to take those opportunities away.
You see, Marshall was by far the most powerful owner in the entire NFL. Even more powerful than the Papa Bear, George Halas. For a time, the NFL followed his lead. From 1933 to 1946 the NFL did not allow integration of Blacks in the NFL. After this teams began to integrate. Not the Commanders. GP Marshall did not integrate until pressure from the Kennedy Administration forced him to.
In 1962 the team drafted Syracuse RB, Ernie Davis in the first round. Davis was the first Black to win the Heisman Trophy. There is a new movie about him getting ready to hit theaters. He was not the first Black man to play for the Commanders. He said, "I will not play for that son of a *****." He meant George Preston Marshall.
Sadly, Ernie Davis never did play in the NFL at all. He got leukemia and died at the age of 23. His rights were traded o the Cleveland Browns for Bobby Mitchell. He would be the first Black man to play for the Commanders and he would go on to have a Hall of Fame career.
Ever since that day I have made sure one thing is on my game day menu. Peanuts. Get your fresh hot peanuts.
