How to make women happy...
- Thread starter WoodysGirl
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Zaxor
Virtus Mille Scuta
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A Sergeant Major in the Army who has been divorced 4times got a letter from his current GF while we were serving in Desert Storm and trying to make small talk to take our minds off the very nightmarish job we had to do (rather not explain) I asked if he was gonna marry her when we get back...He turned and looked me dead in the eye and said... No... I like this one lots..but if I ever get that feeling I should I rather go out and find a woman who I absolutely can not stand and buy her a house and a car and put some money on her account and that way we would cut out the lawyer fees...It struck me as funny and I hope it made you smile also
Juke99
...Abbey someone
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Princess said:Hiya...
Yes you are at the tops of that list... however, you'd probably have to fight Hos, BP and Chad for it...
Oh, I never mind a little competition...it keeps me sharp.
Now if you had included Winicki in the list, then I would have been worried.
silverbear
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adbutcher said:Talk about opening up a can worms with this thread. WG you should know betta.
WG's an instigator... just ask her, she'll tell you... she actually seems to be proud of it...
I'm actually kinda disappointed my contribution didn't draw a bigger reaction... I thought I was bein' fairly outrageous, and I KNOW I was crackin' my own self up as I was typing it out...
Something was messed up though, when I totaled it up I wasn't quite to -25,000 points... it only added up to -24,950... WG needs to throw some more categories in... LOL...
StonetheCrow77
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Part of that list isn't true... I usually get bonus points for bringing home beer... well, that is when she isn't pregnant... I have to 6 1/2 months before that holds true, again... lol
silverbear
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adbutcher said:
I have some degree of hearing loss, courtesy of a) trying to play basketball, and a number of opponents trying to fit their elbow into my ear down low (one partially ruptured my eardrum, and it healed with some scar tissue), and b) too many hours in front a guitar amp... I crack friends up by calling it one of my greatest blessings; sometimes being hard to hear is a positive advantage...
Being the deep thinker that I am, I have come up with an even better approach to dealing with the "honey-do's":
When your lady asks you to do something, do it promptly, do it cheerfully, and do it just as badly as you possibly can... if you screw it up enough, she'll never, ask you to do it again... in fact, if you REALLY screw it up, there's a fair to middling chance that she'll never ask you to do ANYTHING again...
It's always worked for me...
Aw, c'mon, those words were outrageous enough that everybody should be able to see that I was playin' around... I thought the part about buying her a six pack to get her to do things she didn't like doing was d*mn fine comedy...
I'm most disappointed that I didn't get a rise out of her... LOL...
SuspectCorner
Still waiting...
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what really bugs me about women is their amazing capacity for detail - none of which applies to themselves.
in any longterm relationship there are going to be varying degrees of mistakes made by both parties. to err is human, right?
well, why is it that the same woman who is completely hazy on the details of stepping outta her car a week ago, without fully engaging the shifter into "PARK" - and having it slowly pull out, in "REVERSE" and driverless, into an intersection... only to slam into the frontend of a Sears service van (by the way, the hardest i've ever laughed in my life was when i overheard this lovely woman's subsequent phone conversation with her insurer.... especially the part about "what?... who was driving the car?... well... it was kind of driving itself." - why is it that this same woman cannot only remember the exact time and date you (meaning me) clipped the median at allen parkway and sheppard 11 flippin' years ago... she even remembers what shirt i was wearing (as if it was even relevant)!
of course nobody's in a rush to air their dirty laundry so i used a less "personal", though accurate, example of the dynamic. but it pretty much applies across the board, in all facets, to every and any degree.
selective total recall/amnesia.
in any longterm relationship there are going to be varying degrees of mistakes made by both parties. to err is human, right?
well, why is it that the same woman who is completely hazy on the details of stepping outta her car a week ago, without fully engaging the shifter into "PARK" - and having it slowly pull out, in "REVERSE" and driverless, into an intersection... only to slam into the frontend of a Sears service van (by the way, the hardest i've ever laughed in my life was when i overheard this lovely woman's subsequent phone conversation with her insurer.... especially the part about "what?... who was driving the car?... well... it was kind of driving itself." - why is it that this same woman cannot only remember the exact time and date you (meaning me) clipped the median at allen parkway and sheppard 11 flippin' years ago... she even remembers what shirt i was wearing (as if it was even relevant)!
of course nobody's in a rush to air their dirty laundry so i used a less "personal", though accurate, example of the dynamic. but it pretty much applies across the board, in all facets, to every and any degree.
selective total recall/amnesia.
StonetheCrow77
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I hate the toilet seat argument... Her: "You forgot to put the seat down, again!"... Me: "It takes 2 seconds to put it down. You leave it down, I lift it up. I could just leave it down and pee on it, next time. Quit being lazy."
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For women, we don't have the option to stand or sit when we have to go. If we're in hurry, those two seconds can be costly.adbutcher said:
I never understood that either. When I have to do some...uhhhh...reading I check to make sure that all systems are a go and that includes making sure the seat is down. It is not rocket science.
And it's no fun falling in the toilet, if ur trying to take a midnight pee w/o turning on the lights.
StonetheCrow77
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Woody'sGirl said:For women, we don't have the option to stand or sit when we have to go. If we're in hurry, those two seconds can be costly.
And it's no fun falling in the toilet, if ur trying to take a midnight pee w/o turning on the lights.
lol that isn't funny, but it is... I simply can't understand why ya'll are in such a rush to get to the toilet... if you go, can't you simply go a bit earlier to where it isn't an emergency?
I truly do make a concerted effort to put it down (if just simply to avoid the complaints), but sometimes you forget... does that deserve an argument over something that little?? lol
Hoov
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BrAinPaiNt said:I have already told her that when she gets older I may have her stuffed and have her put on a track in front of a window in the house.
Every once in awhile I will move her across the window so others think she is alive.
That way I still get her SS check that goes straight to the bank.
However I did tell her I would have her one arm and hand fixed so it looks like she is pointing at me telling me what to do because I might miss that after having it done so many years lol.
OMG that is F' Hillarious !!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Sorry i missed this thread when it was first posted.
But I'll tell you all, Ive figured out a few ways to beat all the arguements...(Ive had lots of experience LOL). next time your not in the mood to argue with your women here's a few things to try...
1) Just look her dead in the eye after she's made her longwinded complaint and finally stops to gasp for a breath......and start singing some goofy tv theme song over and over again, the Flinstones works really well here, and keep singing it no matter what she says until she gets utterly frustrtaed and walks away.
2) Tell her she looks really funny when she's mad and the more she screams and yells, the more you laugh.
3) Make up a new rap song about all the issues shes mad about and sing it to her with as much enthusiasm as you can muster, it really helps to get up and dance a little as you rap to her.
4) start picking your nose and dont stop till she stops talking, then quickly change the subject.
5) ask her to "hold those thoughts", then explain that this would make a really good episode of jerry springer and pick up your phone telling her im gonna call and try to get us on the show
6) tell her "hold on dear, ive gotta poop" and run to the bathroom, lock the door (make sure you take a good book cause you'll need to stay in there for a while)