Chief
"Friggin Joke Monkey"
- Messages
- 8,543
- Reaction score
- 4
4:30 a.m.: PacMan Jones sneaks back into the window of his apartment. It was his last night before entering rehab and he made the most of it. Security detail is asleep.
5 a.m.: Jerry, going on 3 hours sleep, runs a red light as he barrels to Valley Ranch. After being pulled over, he talks his way out of a ticket and talks the officer into buying season tickets next year in the new stadium. “You won’t be disappointed,” Jerry tells him and winks.
6 a.m.: Wades’ wife: “It looks cloudy out there this morning.”
Wade: “Yep, that’s probably my fault. I’m sorry, Hon.”
6:30 a.m.: Roy Williams scurries through the locker room before the other players arrive. He puts some fake vomit in Owens’ locker and snickers … then wishes the Hard Knocks cameras would have captured the moment.
7 a.m.: Jason Garrett bumps into Felix Jones in the hallway. In a brief, awkward moment, Jason struggles to remember Felix’s name. After walking way, Jason thinks to himself. “Oh, yeah. I almost forgot about that guy.”
7:30 a.m.: Wade finally arrives at Valley Ranch and finds Campo tied to a tree with no pants on. “The playahs did it,” Campo says in his accent. “Dad-gummit,” Wade replies. “Sorry about that.” Wade cuts him down and gives Campo a little pat on his bare bottom as the diminutive coach races back to the building.
8 a.m.: Wade walks into the building to find that the receptionist has brought donuts. He reacts with a fist pump and a smile.
8:30 a.m.: The lockeroom floods after Flozell clogged a toilet. This briefly halts a dominos game as the players scatter. Isaiah Stanback trips over the Flozell log floating across the room and sprains his shoulder. “It’s my fault,” says Wade.
8:45 a.m.: Wade walks by Bruce Read’s office and sees Read lining up little toy army men in different special teams formations, and yelling “Charge!”
9 a.m.: Jason Garrett calls Terrell Owens into the film room and reveals that he’s thinking about throwing on every down next week. “But how many of those passes will be to me?” Owens asks, wiping a tear.
9:30 a.m.: When Jerry realizes that PacMan isn’t at Valley Ranch, he drives to his apartment to pick him up. He picks out his clothes for him, ties his shoes, and takes him through the drive-thru at McDonald’s for some breakfast. Pac fits neatly into the booster seat in the back of Jerry’s Lincoln.
10 a.m.: Wade addresses the team. “If any of you guys need anything, me and Jerry are here to help,” he says. The players respond. A few minutes later, Wade is popping a zit on Marcus Spears’ back and Jerry is braiding Bobby Carpenter’s hair.
11 a.m.: Greg Ellis walks by Jerry’s office and overhears Jerry talking about someone not doing their job. Greg immediately goes into panic mode, sends texts to JJT and Clarence Hill about his concerns. He later finds out that Jerry was talking about the janitor.
11:30 a.m.: Wade logs onto his email account … thirteenandthree@yahoo.com. He chuckles at the “forwards” sent to him all morning by his young defensive coordinator. He then goes to cowboys message boards and begins reading. His face reddens. He grabs the monitor and hurls it across the room. He steps out into the hallway and cusses out the first person he sees … Charlotte Anderson, Jerry’s daughter. He then exposes himself to the secretary and yells “Fist pump this!” He then walks down another hallway, cuts his wrist and writes “Cowboys Suck!” in blood on the wall. The secretary calls security. Calvin Hill is paged. Jerry, who is giving a tour of the new stadium, is urgently called back to Valley Ranch. Wade has gone mad!
“It’s all my fault!!” Wade yells.
5 a.m.: Jerry, going on 3 hours sleep, runs a red light as he barrels to Valley Ranch. After being pulled over, he talks his way out of a ticket and talks the officer into buying season tickets next year in the new stadium. “You won’t be disappointed,” Jerry tells him and winks.
6 a.m.: Wades’ wife: “It looks cloudy out there this morning.”
Wade: “Yep, that’s probably my fault. I’m sorry, Hon.”
6:30 a.m.: Roy Williams scurries through the locker room before the other players arrive. He puts some fake vomit in Owens’ locker and snickers … then wishes the Hard Knocks cameras would have captured the moment.
7 a.m.: Jason Garrett bumps into Felix Jones in the hallway. In a brief, awkward moment, Jason struggles to remember Felix’s name. After walking way, Jason thinks to himself. “Oh, yeah. I almost forgot about that guy.”
7:30 a.m.: Wade finally arrives at Valley Ranch and finds Campo tied to a tree with no pants on. “The playahs did it,” Campo says in his accent. “Dad-gummit,” Wade replies. “Sorry about that.” Wade cuts him down and gives Campo a little pat on his bare bottom as the diminutive coach races back to the building.
8 a.m.: Wade walks into the building to find that the receptionist has brought donuts. He reacts with a fist pump and a smile.
8:30 a.m.: The lockeroom floods after Flozell clogged a toilet. This briefly halts a dominos game as the players scatter. Isaiah Stanback trips over the Flozell log floating across the room and sprains his shoulder. “It’s my fault,” says Wade.
8:45 a.m.: Wade walks by Bruce Read’s office and sees Read lining up little toy army men in different special teams formations, and yelling “Charge!”
9 a.m.: Jason Garrett calls Terrell Owens into the film room and reveals that he’s thinking about throwing on every down next week. “But how many of those passes will be to me?” Owens asks, wiping a tear.
9:30 a.m.: When Jerry realizes that PacMan isn’t at Valley Ranch, he drives to his apartment to pick him up. He picks out his clothes for him, ties his shoes, and takes him through the drive-thru at McDonald’s for some breakfast. Pac fits neatly into the booster seat in the back of Jerry’s Lincoln.
10 a.m.: Wade addresses the team. “If any of you guys need anything, me and Jerry are here to help,” he says. The players respond. A few minutes later, Wade is popping a zit on Marcus Spears’ back and Jerry is braiding Bobby Carpenter’s hair.
11 a.m.: Greg Ellis walks by Jerry’s office and overhears Jerry talking about someone not doing their job. Greg immediately goes into panic mode, sends texts to JJT and Clarence Hill about his concerns. He later finds out that Jerry was talking about the janitor.
11:30 a.m.: Wade logs onto his email account … thirteenandthree@yahoo.com. He chuckles at the “forwards” sent to him all morning by his young defensive coordinator. He then goes to cowboys message boards and begins reading. His face reddens. He grabs the monitor and hurls it across the room. He steps out into the hallway and cusses out the first person he sees … Charlotte Anderson, Jerry’s daughter. He then exposes himself to the secretary and yells “Fist pump this!” He then walks down another hallway, cuts his wrist and writes “Cowboys Suck!” in blood on the wall. The secretary calls security. Calvin Hill is paged. Jerry, who is giving a tour of the new stadium, is urgently called back to Valley Ranch. Wade has gone mad!
“It’s all my fault!!” Wade yells.
:laugh2:
