I Think I Finally Have a Handle on How a GM Needs To Function

[Bach]

haha love it, defending Jerry's mistakes in a long winded, passive aggressive, sarcastic post, just for the sake of arguing with people, typical hos.

 

[Hostile]

Oh yeah, he would immediately buy up all the billboard space around the stadium and practice fields so none of the fans could tilt at windmills.

I'm on this. Every stupid angle covered.

 

[cowboyeric8]

Hey Hos, whats next in the series? Perfect quarterback maybe?

 

[Hostile]

Hey Hos, whats next in the series? Perfect quarterback maybe?

Oh, a series...my sarcasm meter might spike.

 

[ShiningStar]

First of all, he should have an Office with a full shower so he can simply be at this Office 24 hours a day, 7 days a week, 365 days out of the year. Some of the best football business is handled at 2 in the morning. I would suggest a bed, but then that would mean he is a lazy good for nothing who sleeps on the job.

I know you're thinking that showering means he is not thinking football while he does it, but we cannot afford for the guy to have body odor. He will after all be in complex contract negotiations with agents who presumably still have a sense of smell. Besides, I am going to have TVs installed in the bathroom that cannot be turned off and the NFL Network will always be on so he knows who might be released. Trust me, I am on top of this. He will be 100% focused on football.

He should do nothing to make the team interesting to the media because this embarrasses the fans. You can't have embarrassed fans and win. Can't be done. Non embarrassed fans will relieve some excess pressure from the players.

It would be best if his wife was young, pretty, and a nurse who could make sure he never gets sick. She has to be young and pretty so that he has something in his life to relax him. I wish celibacy on no man.

He should have a vasectomy so that he cannot knock her up. Family is a major distraction. How can he focus on the Senior Bowl or the Combines if his son or daughter has a school play? In fact no go on all family. They all need to have banned him from their lives except the nurse wife. His family is the Football team and they are his chess pieces.

You get a pure football man like this and have him hire the 10 to 12 best football minds in the world as his coaching staff. 9 to 11 of them will gladly take a backseat to the best guy who can't wait to be the Head Coach here. Oh yeah, and all of them will come at bargain basement prices because of who we are. It is a damned privilege to come to work for this squad and they damn well better not have any notions of their own careers. Every single one of them should be the absolute best Head Coaching candidates in the NFL but have no desire to work for any other team or GM. As a safety precaution all of them should be minorities so the Rooney Rule is strictly adhered to should the Head Coach need to be replaced. I mean he could die or the game pass him by. Have to have a contingency plan in place. Think ahead always.

Next, he has to be the only GM in the world who never misses on a Draft pick. Every player drafted by this man need to be Eagle Scouts with all world talent who want to play for him so bad that that they give the team screaming deals. The question is will he ever really need a scouting staff? I say yes, but he shouldn't listen to them. He is the alpha male GM and they are chattel. They make mistakes, he catches every single one of them and prevents tragedy by saving the day with the right choice each time.

You may think a big flaw in my plan occurs in late January to early February. In this time if his team is on their way to winning the Super Bowl, as they should be, how in the world will he be able to do his job as a GM for a Super Bowl contender and be focused on the Senior Bowl and Combines too?

Well, you would be wrong if you think that. I have it all figured out. I saw the movie Multiplicity with Michael Keaton and he simply had himself cloned and sent the best worker clone to work. So :tongue: to all of you who think I didn't already foresee how to fix that problem of divided interests. I am on this like stink on crap.

This GM will have to stay in his box which is attached to his Office and he will eschew cameras at all costs. He will never have boogers because his wife will have him 100% healthy all the time. Or he could install one way glass so he can pick his nose in private and maybe scratch where it itches. I know, I know, a man like this would never itch down there. Forget the fact those things are going to itch, his won't. Just stop what you are thinking and accept the fact his won't itch.

Work with me people.

He has to increase team revenue without ever stepping away from football. No other events to increase visibility or exposure but needed income. The pretty young wife could help this by either having a pay for view webcam where she does self porn exhibitions or perhaps she can secretly run a drug cartel and funnel money back into the football team. Thus proving her true monogamy to the GM and devotion to his success at the same time.

The GM will have no interests outside of football. As a way of simplifying things he will have a catheter that his wife changes so he does not need to interrupt his day to pee. He will do this catheter despite healthy kidneys and bladder because he is devoted to the team.

I feel a sense of relief in discovering how we can never lose again by finding the best possible pure football GM. Go ahead, try to find flaws. I will have solutions.

Bathroom, i fully feel guys do their best thinking in there. Sure the rest of your post was a good read, really, but lets chew thru the fat and get right to it. bathrooms solve all for men.

 

[Hostile]

Bathroom, i fully feel guys do their best thinking in there. Sure the rest of your post was a good read, really, but lets chew thru the fat and get right to it. bathrooms solve all for men.

Fonzie's Office was the bathroom at Arnold's. How do you know I wasn't subliminally already thinking this very thing?

 

[craig71]

Hos you need to account for the leap year.

Craig

 

[ShiningStar]

Oh, a series...my sarcasm meter might spike.

speaking of series, and I know this is taking a lot of time, but will you be doing more of how plays are done, than broken down for us nto so football saavy people and than maybe a training camp series on what we are doing on both sides of the ball?

I think you do this well and I feel the board responds to your posts most favorably, but some of us want to learn more and you break it down easy for us.

If not i understand, but its a thought. Maybe call its Hostiles corner or something and we can go in and get the words and terminology and for some of us whats going on?

 

[rangers71]

Oh, a series...my sarcasm meter might spike.

This is the single greatest thread ever started on any message board. My hat is off to you Hos. Alos please, please, please start a series of these. PLEASE!!!

 

[SLATEmosphere]

I'm so glad i didn't log on for 3 days to hear alot the idiots come out the woodwork.

 

[ShiningStar]

Fonzie's Office was the bathroom at Arnold's. How do you know I wasn't subliminally already thinking this very thing?

Didnt say you werent or werent implying it by no means, just wanted to see if i was up to speed with you.

 

[Hostile]

speaking of series, and I know this is taking a lot of time, but will you be doing more of how plays are done, than broken down for us nto so football saavy people and than maybe a training camp series on what we are doing on both sides of the ball?

I think you do this well and I feel the board responds to your posts most favorably, but some of us want to learn more and you break it down easy for us.

If not i understand, but its a thought. Maybe call its Hostiles corner or something and we can go in and get the words and terminology and for some of us whats going on?

I was thinking about that. I had good reviews but the threads died quickly because they were about football instead of pissing and moaning.

Best answer I can give you right now is I might. I did enjoy it. Thank you for asking.

 

[Hostile]

Didnt say you werent or werent implying it by no means, just wanted to see if i was up to speed with you.

That's better. I am not jumping the shark man.

 

[zrinkill]

I was thinking about that. I had good reviews but the threads died quickly because they were about football instead of pissing and moaning.

Best answer I can give you right now is I might. I did enjoy it. Thank you for asking.

I enjoyed them as well .....

I can start some pissing matches in them if that will help.

 

[Hostile]

I enjoyed them as well .....

I can start some pissing matches in them if that will help.

LOL

It might.

 

[MarionBarberThe4th]

I was thinking about that. I had good reviews but the threads died quickly because they were about football instead of pissing and moaning.

Best answer I can give you right now is I might. I did enjoy it. Thank you for asking.

Or that other people know the game other than you

Who was pissing and moaning during the believe stretch?

 

[NextGenBoys]

:laugh2::laugh2:



Love it.

 

[Cover 2]

I know the thread was tongue in cheek, but I think Jerry has done a great job as GM recently. Ever since we got Parcells he has finally turned it around.

 

[Hostile]

Or that other people know the game other than you

I never have said I am the only person on this site who knows the game. In fact, I have deferred that other people probably know than me on a number of occasions.

Who was pissing and moaning during the believe stretch?

Almost no one. What does that tell you given the traffic increase form them since the season ended? That they prefer *****ing about something to winning? Me too.

 

[Hostile]

:laugh2::laugh2:



Love it.

Hey, you coming to Tucson for the Iowa game this year? I already know the date for the game.