Ok, sit back, this is probably going to be long. This took place in PA in the early 90's.
Our office had a "sales pit" in the middle of it and all the surrounding offices had picture windows with blinds that could be drawn but no one dared or they get talked about. This was a very tight knit group of people and a real pleasure to be around. My office was the first on the left as one entered the office area. I had two chairs facing my desk that had arms on them but were open on the sides, a pretty large opening. You're probably thinking 'what the hell has his chairs got to do with this'? Read on.
When I was interviewing people, any and all of the employees that were in the office at that time would make it a point to mosey by my office and check out the potential candidate and pass judgment on them. I usually set up the interviews when most of the salespeople were out of the office for this very reason. On this day, I had agreed to meet with an applicant before he had to get to his present job. So, I agreed to meet with him at 8am.
The receptionist calls and tells me my 8 o'clock appointment is there and I walk out to show him back to my office and as I enter the reception area I see the roundest little man I have ever seen in my life and to this day as well. He was around 5'4" and at least that much around. He was so round his arms went out at a slant, they couldn't even hang down. He should have been interviewing at Disney World for the Tweedledee or Tweedledum role. Our receptionist has her eyes locked on me and I am not taking the bait, I refuse to make eye contact with her. But as I just get to the edge, I look back at her and she just throws herself forward on her desk as her body is shaking with stifled laughter.
As we enter the office, our business/office manager is coming out of her office and she just stops dead in her tracks and leaps backwards, and I mean leaps, into her office and closes the door.
There are only 3 of the salespeople in at that moment but over the next 20 minutes every one of the 10 would be there by 8:25, a first! I found out the calls started going out to those not there to get to the office because they're going to need to see this in person. And over the next 25 minutes the entire staff had made it past my window trying to be nonchalant and not doing that very well.
As we enter, I invite him to take a seat and I close the door, rather forcefully to try and send a message. The next sound I hear can only be described as the sound a jetliner makes when first putting on those brakes when landing. I turn around to sit down and see that he has exploded out each side of the chair. Now, you see why the description of the chair was necessary. I am wondering what is holding the rivets in on that chair?
I am doing everything I can do to keep my mind on the interview process but this guy had a suit that fit about as well as McCarthy's did at his welcome to the team pc only this guy has a collar at least 2 full sizes too small and he reminds me of Luca Brazzi when he was getting strangled in "The Godfather". To make matters worse, the parade has started outside my window and I even see 2 people from the sign company down on the 1st floor. I am thinking, my morning team just walked by and I surely hope they're not inviting people to come see the show.
I cut the interview short as I can and then comes the real show. He is stuck and cannot get the chair off his butt as he's getting up and says "I seem to be having a problem here" and is struggling and his face is turning red and I am concerned he might have a heart attack. I decide I am going to have to get operational on this and I go to help him and this chair isn't budging and about this time one of my salesguys, Todd, walks by and sees the struggle going on and comes on in and asks if we need help. We end up turning him around and telling him to grab onto the doorsill and we'll pull the chair off and it does begin to move and then Todd does that I would never done, he has me keep pulling while he pushes the guy's thighs back into the chair and it pops off like a champagne cork. The employees are running for any place where they can let it all out and I see several of them go into the conference room.
The entire staff has been witnessing this and our office manager has almost lost control of her bladder and has locked herself up in her office in a fit of uncontrollable hysterical laughter. I walk the guy out and when I walk back in it is wild in the office and my morning team is leading the laughter.
So, I have some appointments outside the building and come back around 4 and the entire staff is out in front of the entrance to the office and they part like the Red Sea and the sign company that works with us on a lot of promotions has made one of those signs like you see at Disney World that "You must be this tall to ride this ride". Only this one said "Your a** has to fit between these two marks to work here". The sign people had actually used the measurements on the opening of the chairs in my office.
That could have been an episode of "The Office" but it happened for real and I'll bet everyone that was a part of that great staff of people still tells that story. Their favorite part of it was my refusal to make eye contact with any of them and they knew I was doing everything I could to hold it together because they knew me to be the kind of guy to be the ringleader in something like that. They decided to give me a standing ovation for my performance in ignoring them and I think I deserved it.
Want the kicker? That guy called me back to see if there would be a second interview. I felt like saying not unless it's at the convention center and I can sell tickets.
