Know any good jokes?

[DoctorChicken]

My girlfriend asked me the other day: "Are you even listening to me?"

Which is a really weird way to start a conversation if you ask me.

 

[Birch_Wood]

U know what a cow with no lips says? ooooo,

 

[Birch_Wood]

What is the difference between Dubai and Abu Dhabi? The people in Dubai don't like the Flintstones, but the people in Abu Dhabi do

 

[Runwildboys]

My girlfriend asked me the other day: "Are you even listening to me?"

Which is a really weird way to start a conversation if you ask me.

Hahahaha!!! I like that one!

 

[Streifenkarl]

My girlfriend asked me the other day: "Are you even listening to me?"

Which is a really weird way to start a conversation if you ask me.

Oldie but goldie. And truly.

 

[MWH1967]

A man goes into a bar and notices a guy sitting at a table with a huge lighter on the table. he says, " I've never seen one the big, where did you get it?" He says, " see that guy playing the piano?, he's a genie and if you ask him nicely, he may grant you a wish."

So, the guy walks over and introduces himself and says, "That guy over there says you are a genie, and you might grant me a wish." The genie aggravated at this point says, "Fine, one last one for the night and I'm done!"

The guys says, Ok," I wish for a million bucks." All of a sudden there were a million (Ducks) walking around in the bar! He guy thanks the genie and walks through all the ducks back to the guy sitting at the table.

He says, " your genie friend is very generous but, he's a little hard of hearing." He guy says, "No kidding, do actually think I ask for a 12" Bic?"

 

[MWH1967]

How does the ocean say hi?






It waves.....

 

[JohnnyTheFox]

A man goes into a bar and notices a guy sitting at a table with a huge lighter on the table. he says, " I've never seen one the big, where did you get it?" He says, " see that guy playing the piano?, he's a genie and if you ask him nicely, he may grant you a wish."

So, the guy walks over and introduces himself and says, "That guy over there says you are a genie, and you might grant me a wish." The genie aggravated at this point says, "Fine, one last one for the night and I'm done!"

The guys says, Ok," I wish for a million bucks." All of a sudden there were a million (Ducks) walking around in the bar! He guy thanks the genie and walks through all the ducks back to the guy sitting at the table.

He says, " your genie friend is very generous but, he's a little hard of hearing." He guy says, "No kidding, do actually think I ask for a 12" Bic?"

Have heard several variations of this

 

[Reality]

This is my step ladder. I never knew my real ladder.

 

[Reality]

Why did the old man fall in the well?

Because he couldn't see that well.

 

[Reality]

Developer joke ..

A developer puts two glasses on his bedside table before going to sleep.

A full one, in case he gets thirsty, and an empty one, in case he doesn't.

 

[big dog cowboy]

There was a man who had three girlfriends but he did not know which one to marry so he decided to give each one five thousand dollar and see how each of them spent it.

The first one went out and got a total makeover with the money she got new clothes a new hairdo manicure pedicure the works and tells the man I spent the money so I could look pretty for you because I love you so much.

The second one went out and bought new golf clubs a CD player a big screen television and a stereo and gave them to the man she said I bought these gifts for you with the money because I love you so much.

The third one takes the five thousand dollars and invests it in the stock market doubles her investment. She returns the five thousand dollars to the man and reinvests the rest and says I am investing the rest of the money for our future because I love you so much.

The man thought long and hard about how each of the women spent the money finally being the mere man he was he decided to marry the one with the biggest boobs.