One of my best friends is dying and I'm a mess

Discussion in 'Off-topic Zone' started by Crazed Liotta Eyes, Aug 29, 2020.

  1. Sarek

    Sarek Povar

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    Never too early to start working on the bucket list. :)
     
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  2. JohnnyTheFox

    JohnnyTheFox Achilleslastand

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    So very sorry to hear this, and healing prayers for you both during this very difficult time.
     
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  3. The Fonz

    The Fonz Correctamundo

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    Brother sorry to hear this kind of news wishing your friend God's healing...you have a good caring heart to feel that May the Lord bless you...
     
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  4. BigStar

    BigStar Stop chasing

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    Try to spend as much time with him as you can. I'm sorry to hear about your friend, and try to help as best you can. Listening, hanging out past the awkward silences, and off color jokes are great. Ask him if there are any family members he's worried about stealing his stuff and the comical way you could take care of that now, etc. That type of angle can be refreshing when everyone else is walking on egg shells.

    Be well my friend
     
    Last edited: Aug 30, 2020
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  5. CouchCoach

    CouchCoach Moderator

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    Ray, you are now one of your friend's sources of strength and just as he was your protector and respected you, that has now fallen to you. It is your chance to return that in kind and be thankful that you have time. When those we love are taken from us without warning, we are left with things undone and unsaid and an incomplete passing.

    My suggestion is to be there for your friend as you have always been, look to make him laugh, try to lighten the load he is carrying because most people don't know how to handle the news that has come to you. Once the shock begins to subside, it becomes the challenge of making their remaining time here as memorable and pleasant as it can be.

    Unless your friend is one of those people that does not fear the end. Sometimes, our reluctance to talk about certain elements of life increases their apprehension and fear. Some people actually feel better discussing what they're facing.

    Now, let me pass on some personal advice. I learned this the hard way. Do not mourn them before their passing. It is a trap and once I gave up all hope and accepted the inevitable that I was going to lose my wife, I began to involuntarily mourn her and I think that was a self defensive measure thinking it would lessen the blow when it came. It did not. It stole time and created more regret.

    Live every moment with your friend that you can not like you are going to lose him but as your cementing him more solidly into your life. Loss is the most difficult part of life I have experienced but through that comes a deeper appreciation for those other lives around us that feed our soul.
     
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  6. CouchCoach

    CouchCoach Moderator

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    I messed up the quote somehow. Been drinking all day so not surprised. Sorry man.[/QUOTE]That won't help him and it sure as hell won't help you. Take it from a veteran of masking and numbing feelings and trying to escape. Those feelings we choose to bury never stay buried and they can manifest themselves into things that lurk in the darkness.

    I never understood the term "a good cry" until I experienced it. Those feelings we are trying to avoid in a situation like this need to be felt, need to be expressed because then we can help others with those feelings. Our inner self is trying to help us but it's easier to hush that voice.

    Going to come the time when the need will be there to celebrate your friend's life, not his passing. Prepare yourself for that now and you will enrich the life he has yet to live.
     
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  7. Crazed Liotta Eyes

    Crazed Liotta Eyes Well-Known Member

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    Thank you CC and everyone who has replied. You guys are offering great advice that is really helping my perspective. I chatted with my friend for a bit last night and his spirits are high. That doesn't surprise me knowing him.
     
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  8. DeathMonkey

    DeathMonkey Well-Known Member

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    I'm so sorry, man. Cancer sucks. There's no words or magic phrase that can truly help, but if you ever need to talk or just vent, we can help with that. Sorry again, man.
     
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  9. stasheroo

    stasheroo Well-Known Member

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    I'm very sorry to hear about your friend. I hope that you both make the most of the time you have left.
     
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  10. Crazed Liotta Eyes

    Crazed Liotta Eyes Well-Known Member

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    Thanks Stash. I appreciate it buddy.
     
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  11. Reverend Conehead

    Reverend Conehead Well-Known Member

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    I'm sorry to hear about this. These things are the toughest part of life. Prayers and best wishes sent to you, man.
     
  12. Crazed Liotta Eyes

    Crazed Liotta Eyes Well-Known Member

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    Thanks Rev. Now give me a new weird thread to put my mind to. Yours are great.
     
  13. SlammedZero

    SlammedZero Well-Known Member

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    Same, runs on my mom's side of the family (yet my little sister and bro still smoke. I could slap them silly sometimes). It definitely isn't a pleasant thing.

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    Back to the topic, sorry to hear @Crazed Liotta Eyes. Wish I had the words to make it seem/feel/be better. As most have mentioned already, just take the time you do have and embrace the moments left and definitely let him know you're there for them. I imagine if I knew I was in my last days I would want some good people around.

    Ugh, wish they could nip cancer in the butt. :mad:
     
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  14. MWH1967

    MWH1967 Boys#1 95

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    God Speed....never good and we will pray.
     
  15. Crazed Liotta Eyes

    Crazed Liotta Eyes Well-Known Member

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    Great advice from you Brother as always. I hope they figure out a cancer cure in the next generation's lifetime. I doubt it's happening in ours and it's a terrible way to go.
     
  16. RGV_C_Los

    RGV_C_Los Well-Known Member

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    Sorry to hear that Crazed..be praying for your buddy, you and family.
    Six years ago I went through the same thing with my best buddy. We had normal conversations up until he passed 18 months later. I think more than anything he just needed someone to listen to him as he got some things off his chest.
    Best advice I can give you is be a good listener and maybe help him with yard work even tho he says he doesn’t need help. It’s good therapy for you helping out in someway and lightening his load.
     
  17. Bigdog

    Bigdog Well-Known Member

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    I am so sorry to hear this and what you and your friend are going through. Cherish the time that you have left with each other. My thoughts and prayers go out to you and your friend who is going through this. Stay positive and keep you head up. You’ll get through this.
     
  18. Reverend Conehead

    Reverend Conehead Well-Known Member

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    Done. It's the latest about Amber Heard.
     
  19. Crazed Liotta Eyes

    Crazed Liotta Eyes Well-Known Member

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    I appreciate it and sorry for the loss of your friend. My friend is still working but very fatigued, so I doubt that is going to last very long. I'm choking up just typing that. I'm gonna try and help him out however I can. We live in different states now but I'm thinking it's time to go visit him.
     
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