Illini88228;3706513 said:
I didn't get that impression at all. What makes you think they weren't close?
Eh, I didn't mean it the way it sounded now that I look at it. i once grew up around a great guy who had MS. However, he had family around when he died--just not good family, and just not around him when he died. They just left him to rot and whither away as MS is a crippling disease.
So, I grew up knowing this great guy in a wheelchair. He taught me algebra that I couldn't do now if I sat for 3 hours trying to figure it out. But he had me making As on tests and could only write with his left hand. He was right handed, naturally.
He would drink a beer with me. But only a couple. He did other things to ease is pain and shaking of his limbs.
But I could only get so close to him. His family was always around. His son did unspeakable things to his own crippled father. I've never been a saint in my early adult life, but this guy was just evil.
Nonetheless, the family moved away. But I ran in to their daughter on occasion. I always asked about Bob. He was the only one in the family I really liked. He was truly the only one who had a kind soul and was a genuine human being. He was also a veteran, although he didn't talk much about his duties other than he was a rather high ranking official.
I admired him because he started out as a janitor and ended up with a PhD in mathematics and then became ill shortly after.
As I said, they moved away and I always asked about Bob. He was always "doing well". Well, I found out that wasn't the case when he came knocking on my door asking me to help him get his keys to his own van, because his wife had them. And he didn't want to live in the nursing home.
I had an argument with his wife and told her I would call the authorities for abusing him and not giving him his keys. I verified that he could still drive and he had a handi-capped equipped van, which SHE wanted to take from him. They had two additional vehicles, mind you.
In any case, I resolved the matter to Bob's favor and mediated with the family.
But then I lost touch until I heard he later died in a nursing home.
I would say I was close to him. But so much time passed that I couldn't say I was close enough to him. In hindsight, I kinda wish I had done more for the guy. He had the misfortune of belonging to a family who didn't know what compassion was and in the end I found out that his wife was swindling him out of his veterans paycheck....
But I lost touch with the guy for at least 7 years. And when I found out he died, his funeral had already been held. But that day, I still took a drive by his house to recall old memories.
So, no, I wasn't close to him at the time of his death. We have busy lives. But I was sad he died under those circumstances. And I considered him a friend even though if you ever asked me about him I would definitely hold him in high regard as a friend... but like I said, it was compassion from a distance, as much as I'd like to say I was really close to the guy. That just wasn't the case.
Dealing with loss for me is the hardest thing in the world, especially when I always feel like I could have been closer to someone I loved and lost.