Kevinicus
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I got a question for all of you. My friend, Mark, had a dating issue come up and I haven't been single for over a decade (though I hope to be here soon - divorce takes too long), so I don't know anything about this stuff anymore.
Anyways, he has become close friends with one of his co-workers and he spends all his breaks and lunches with her, hangs out after work and all that and he decided he liked her and about a month and a half ago he told her he liked her and asked her out. All she said at the time was that she didn't know what to say. There interactions after that remained pretty much unchanged like nothing was said, and the topic wasn't brought up.
After about a week he asked her about it again and she told him she wasn't good at talking about it and that she was kind of still in a state of shock and processing it. He told her that was fine and to take her time. After that, their interactions again were pretty much unchanged.
Now Mark is a pretty generous guy, especially with people he cares for and he was always doing nice things for this woman. He said that he started noticing times where it felt as if she was pulling a way some, but then other times where she'd chase after him a little, like if he didn't make it down to see her on his break she'd call him up and ask him where he was, or if he had a day off she'd call him at home while she was at work. Anyways, after awhile (about a month) he started to get the feeling she wasn't being straight with him and might be taking advantage of him being so nice to her and he asked her about it.
This was about a month after he had first told her he liked her. She finally told him she just wanted to be friends and said she didn't expect anything from him and was sorry if he felt like she had taken advantage of him. She said she didn't say anything at first because she didn't want things to get awkward.
Now he's pretty upset about it and not sure how to act. He is mad at her because he doesn't think she was very fair to him and feels like she didn't have enough respect for him or their friendship to just be honest with him from the start. He doesn't want to lose her as a friend but doesn't know if he can trust her to be straight with him now.
I understand what he's saying, especially since he asked her about it a second time and she still avoided it, and she allowed him to continue to do things for her without making things clear to him. I also understand that she may have been uncomfortable and having fear of things becoming awkward between the two of them and the desire to prevent that from happening. Having said that, I do think it's difficult to make an effort to "remain friends" by not really acting as a friend should by being forthright. I'm a firm believer in being truthful, even if it causes things to be uncomfortable. I'm also a firm believer in forgiveness too.
Anyway his dilema is whether or not he should try to salvage his friendship with her and just try to move past this or if he should just forget her and move on.
I know this isn't the best place for getting him some advice, but any thoughts?
Anyways, he has become close friends with one of his co-workers and he spends all his breaks and lunches with her, hangs out after work and all that and he decided he liked her and about a month and a half ago he told her he liked her and asked her out. All she said at the time was that she didn't know what to say. There interactions after that remained pretty much unchanged like nothing was said, and the topic wasn't brought up.
After about a week he asked her about it again and she told him she wasn't good at talking about it and that she was kind of still in a state of shock and processing it. He told her that was fine and to take her time. After that, their interactions again were pretty much unchanged.
Now Mark is a pretty generous guy, especially with people he cares for and he was always doing nice things for this woman. He said that he started noticing times where it felt as if she was pulling a way some, but then other times where she'd chase after him a little, like if he didn't make it down to see her on his break she'd call him up and ask him where he was, or if he had a day off she'd call him at home while she was at work. Anyways, after awhile (about a month) he started to get the feeling she wasn't being straight with him and might be taking advantage of him being so nice to her and he asked her about it.
This was about a month after he had first told her he liked her. She finally told him she just wanted to be friends and said she didn't expect anything from him and was sorry if he felt like she had taken advantage of him. She said she didn't say anything at first because she didn't want things to get awkward.
Now he's pretty upset about it and not sure how to act. He is mad at her because he doesn't think she was very fair to him and feels like she didn't have enough respect for him or their friendship to just be honest with him from the start. He doesn't want to lose her as a friend but doesn't know if he can trust her to be straight with him now.
I understand what he's saying, especially since he asked her about it a second time and she still avoided it, and she allowed him to continue to do things for her without making things clear to him. I also understand that she may have been uncomfortable and having fear of things becoming awkward between the two of them and the desire to prevent that from happening. Having said that, I do think it's difficult to make an effort to "remain friends" by not really acting as a friend should by being forthright. I'm a firm believer in being truthful, even if it causes things to be uncomfortable. I'm also a firm believer in forgiveness too.
Anyway his dilema is whether or not he should try to salvage his friendship with her and just try to move past this or if he should just forget her and move on.
I know this isn't the best place for getting him some advice, but any thoughts?
