Should I go on this time travel mission?

[Reverend Conehead]

There's this French lady from the 18th century who keeps communicating with me via telepathy, asking me to come back in time and help her. She looks pretty hot. She's wearing one of those old-fashioned dresses that spreads out like a big bell at the bottom, and has a really tiny waist, thanks to a corset. On top, she's showing ample cleavage ... oh là là. She's from the pre-revolution era (prior to 1789). I'm not sure exactly what she wants. My French is okay, but I find it tough to understand if they talk too fast. But what's clear is the last part: "You must help me, Reverend Conehead. You're my only hope." I thought I heard some heavy breathing in the background; then the telepathic transmission ends.
...
Of course time travel is fraught with danger, so I only want to do this if it's really important. I need to think with my brain and not with my [bleep]. But, man oh man, she looks sexy in that dress. I think she might work for Marie Antoinette in the royal palace.
...
I'm super tempted to go, just to see what's up. Plus, it would be a good test of my French. I value everyone's judgement here. Should I go on this time travel mission?

 

[Runwildboys]

There's this French lady from the 18th century who keeps communicating with me via telepathy, asking me to come back in time and help her. She looks pretty hot. She's wearing one of those old-fashioned dresses that spreads out like a big bell at the bottom, and has a really tiny waist, thanks to a corset. On top, she's showing ample cleavage ... oh là là. She's from the pre-revolution era (prior to 1789). I'm not sure exactly what she wants. My French is okay, but I find it tough to understand if they talk too fast. But what's clear is the last part: "You must help me, Reverend Conehead. You're my only hope." I thought I heard some heavy breathing in the background; then the telepathic transmission ends.
...
Of course time travel is fraught with danger, so I only want to do this if it's really important. I need to think with my brain and not with my [bleep]. But, man oh man, she looks sexy in that dress. I think she might work for Marie Antoinette in the royal palace.
...
I'm super tempted to go, just to see what's up. Plus, it would be a good test of my French. I value everyone's judgement here. Should I go on this time travel mission?

I don't know if you should go, but if you do, bring lots and lots of cake.

 

[VaqueroTD]

Yes. But bring a portable shower because whatever fantasies you have of this mademoiselle are going to change quickly once the harsh reality of 18th century hygiene hits home.

 

[timb2]

There's this French lady from the 18th century who keeps communicating with me via telepathy, asking me to come back in time and help her. She looks pretty hot. She's wearing one of those old-fashioned dresses that spreads out like a big bell at the bottom, and has a really tiny waist, thanks to a corset. On top, she's showing ample cleavage ... oh là là. She's from the pre-revolution era (prior to 1789). I'm not sure exactly what she wants. My French is okay, but I find it tough to understand if they talk too fast. But what's clear is the last part: "You must help me, Reverend Conehead. You're my only hope." I thought I heard some heavy breathing in the background; then the telepathic transmission ends.
...
Of course time travel is fraught with danger, so I only want to do this if it's really important. I need to think with my brain and not with my [bleep]. But, man oh man, she looks sexy in that dress. I think she might work for Marie Antoinette in the royal palace.
...
I'm super tempted to go, just to see what's up. Plus, it would be a good test of my French. I value everyone's judgement here. Should I go on this time travel mission?

I wouldn't do it. That time period was plagued by syphilis with no cure. In France was famine,disease,war. King Louie probably trying to bait you Rev to come so he can blame you for all the troubles not him and you face the guillotine.

 

[joseephuss]

No, because you will screw things up and it will end up costing the Cowboys a Superbowl.

 

[Xelda]

No, because you will screw things up and it will end up costing the Cowboys a Superbowl.

Like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, snickers, like, like, like, love, like, like, like, like

We are a superstitious group when it comes to our team. Reverend, you'd better not cost us a Super Bowl!!!!

 

[Pass2Run]

You should definitly stop obsessing over that ex, and think about finding a new gf who is a little more humble than the last gold digger/ladder climber.

 

[Longboysfan]

Yes. Just go.

 

[Reverend Conehead]

No, because you will screw things up and it will end up costing the Cowboys a Superbowl.

I'm just returned from the mission. Turns out it was some weirdo French Madame who operated a maison close (a brothel), and offered me love romps in exchange for my help in keeping the French monarchy in power. I refused because she and her workers weren't at all appealing. Yuck. Plus, we Americans had our revolution. Would have felt weird getting rid of one from another country. I didn't change any Cowboy games. Pffft! This was back in the 18th century. I didn't have to kill anyone, though I did have to chloroform some jerk to get access back to my time machine.
...
So, all of those Super Bowls should be in tact. I'll google them real quick, just to be sure ..... hey, wait a minute! Where are our trophies for Super Bowls 15, 16, and 17? And where's our star D-lineman, Piérre Aisselles Puantes-répugnantes, the one Landry coaxed out of his weight-lifting/boxing career in France? With him destroying defenses, Landry's Cowboys became the only team to win three straight Super Bowls, and the only one to make an opposing NFCC quarterback retire immediately after the game. After Puantes -Répugnantes sacked Joe Montana 13 times in our 54 to 6 victory in the '81 NFCC, Montana proclaimed, "I'm just not cut out for this game," and quit.
...
That dirtbag I chloroformed must have been Puantes -Répugnantes' Great Great Great Great Grandfather, and maybe the chloroform sterilized or killed him. Aw, crap. I'm sorry for ruining those three Super Bowls. I'm going to go back and fix this ...... hey, wait a minute. Where did these Super Bowls 27, 28, and 30 come from? We didn't win those. After Landry retired in 1990, our new owner, Dan Snyder, hired Richie Kotite, and we only won 6 games in all of the 90s and 2000s (all six against Washington). WTH????
...
Whelp, it's three for three. Do you want me to go back and restore the team to having won Super Bowls 15, 16, and 17, but not have any of our 90s-era Super Bowls? Or should I just leave it the way it is?
...
Oh, and Dan Snyder was an AWFUL owner. He relented under public pressure to change the name of the team from the "Cowboys" to the "Nice Guys" and he replaced the star logo on the helmet to a picture of Dudley Doright. I sure hope no other team is stupid enough to hire Snyder in this other timeline. There may be some hope, though. Roger Staubach is our new team owner, at least he was in the other timeline.

 

[VaqueroTD]

Your next mission sir, should you chose to accept…..

I need you to go back to 1994 and intercept the infamous drunken piss match between Jerry and Jimmy at the owners meeting that caused their split. This is the one where Jimmy undermined Jerry in front of all the coaches, it pissed off Jerry who drank even more bourbon, and then told a reporter that any one of 500 coaches could win it all with their roster.

I don’t care what you have to do, maybe divert Jerry so we can at least get one more year and a Threepeat. You could try honesty, and tell Jerry that he’ll get one more Super Bowl with that roster, and then never come close again to sniffing it. I would probably avoid the fishing and ‘only work on Sunday‘ comments for Jimmy because he might be tempted to retire anyways. Just stick to the fact that he never sniffed another Super Bowl either on later teams.

Good luck, we’re all counting on you.

 

[Reverend Conehead]

Your next mission sir, should you chose to accept…..

I need you to go back to 1994 and intercept the infamous drunken piss match between Jerry and Jimmy at the owners meeting that caused their split. This is the one where Jimmy undermined Jerry in front of all the coaches, it pissed off Jerry who drank even more bourbon, and then told a reporter that any one of 500 coaches could win it all with their roster.

I don’t care what you have to do, maybe divert Jerry so we can at least get one more year and a Threepeat. You could try honesty, and tell Jerry that he’ll get one more Super Bowl with that roster, and then never come close again to sniffing it. I would probably avoid the fishing and ‘only work on Sunday‘ comments for Jimmy because he might be tempted to retire anyways. Just stick to the fact that he never sniffed another Super Bowl either on later teams.

Good luck, we’re all counting on you.

This would be though toughest mission ever. I need your help. Please assemble an ultra-reliable laptop with as much news coverage of that time as possible. We've got to convince him we're real time travelers. Assemble that info, and whatever else you need. You're coming with.

 

[VaqueroTD]

This would be though toughest mission ever. I need your help. Please assemble an ultra-reliable laptop with as much news coverage of that time as possible. We've got to convince him we're real time travelers. Assemble that info, and whatever else you need. You're coming with.

I have an Ipad, a pack of energy bars and I kidnapped the biggest Jerry hater on the Fan Forums to talk some sense into this guy. Let's do this!

 

[Xelda]

I'm just returned from the mission. Turns out it was some weirdo French Madame who operated a maison close (a brothel), and offered me love romps in exchange for my help in keeping the French monarchy in power. I refused because she and her workers weren't at all appealing. Yuck. Plus, we Americans had our revolution. Would have felt weird getting rid of one from another country. I didn't change any Cowboy games. Pffft! This was back in the 18th century. I didn't have to kill anyone, though I did have to chloroform some jerk to get access back to my time machine.
...
So, all of those Super Bowls should be in tact. I'll google them real quick, just to be sure ..... hey, wait a minute! Where are our trophies for Super Bowls 15, 16, and 17? And where's our star D-lineman, Piérre Aisselles Puantes-répugnantes, the one Landry coaxed out of his weight-lifting/boxing career in France? With him destroying defenses, Landry's Cowboys became the only team to win three straight Super Bowls, and the only one to make an opposing NFCC quarterback retire immediately after the game. After Puantes -Répugnantes sacked Joe Montana 13 times in our 54 to 6 victory in the '81 NFCC, Montana proclaimed, "I'm just not cut out for this game," and quit.
...
That dirtbag I chloroformed must have been Puantes -Répugnantes' Great Great Great Great Grandfather, and maybe the chloroform sterilized or killed him. Aw, crap. I'm sorry for ruining those three Super Bowls. I'm going to go back and fix this ...... hey, wait a minute. Where did these Super Bowls 27, 28, and 30 come from? We didn't win those. After Landry retired in 1990, our new owner, Dan Snyder, hired Richie Kotite, and we only won 6 games in all of the 90s and 2000s (all six against Washington). WTH????
...
Whelp, it's three for three. Do you want me to go back and restore the team to having won Super Bowls 15, 16, and 17, but not have any of our 90s-era Super Bowls? Or should I just leave it the way it is?
...
Oh, and Dan Snyder was an AWFUL owner. He relented under public pressure to change the name of the team from the "Cowboys" to the "Nice Guys" and he replaced the star logo on the helmet to a picture of Dudley Doright. I sure hope no other team is stupid enough to hire Snyder in this other timeline. There may be some hope, though. Roger Staubach is our new team owner, at least he was in the other timeline.

Don't go lying to us now. We know you dallied around with those French floosies because the Cowboys fandom has tripled since your trip. Exactly how long did you spend in France?

 

[Streifenkarl]

I doubt anyone from today traveling back in time could bear the stench of those people. I wouldn't travel back to any time before showers and tooth brushes were a common thing.

So I'm limited to the 50s I guess?

 

[NorthoftheRedRiver]

Glad you made it back. Things here got progressively worse in your brief absence.

 

[Reverend Conehead]

Don't go lying to us now. We know you dallied around with those French floosies because the Cowboys fandom has tripled since your trip. Exactly how long did you spend in France?

Not long ... just five years. Okay, I set them up with plumbing -- showers, bathtubs, washing machines, everything.

 

[Xelda]

Glad you made it back. Things here got progressively worse in your brief absence.

That's right! The Jets had the audacity to score on us.

 

[Xelda]

Alright @Reverend Conehead!!!! Diggs is lost for the year! What did you do?!!?!!?

 

[Reverend Conehead]

Alright @Reverend Conehead!!!! Diggs is lost for the year! What did you do?!!?!!?

It had to have been Amber Heard.

 

[Xelda]

It had to have been Amber Heard.

Oh yeah, I forgot about her. We may need to fund your next trip back in time to *ahem* take care of her. Still! Are you sure you didn't do something funny? We must protect our world dominance.