Thank you, Washington Commanders.
To have a winner, you must also have a loser and you’ve filled that role beautifully during my many years as a fan of the Dallas Cowboys.
I learned to love the Cowboys at a very early age, watching games with my dad and sometimes my brothers, uncles and grandfathers. I’m lucky, I guess …lucky that I was born in a part of the country where the Cowboys were on television every Sunday afternoon. We didn’t have to go looking for them. They were there every week when we got home from church.
Thank you, Washington Commanders.
Tom Landry was our hero. And so was Roger Staubach. And Bob Lilly. They were easy to like. Good men. Winners on and off the field.
But every hero needs a villain. In the early 1970s, George Allen was brought in to coach the Commanders and voila … a villain was born. He looked and acted like Dick Nixon’s more-evil twin. The hunched-over physique, the arched eye-brows that topped a face that was up to no good. He was Dick Dastardly, the cartoon race car driver who would cheat to win. He licked his thumbs constantly, why, I’m not sure. Maybe he descended from cannibals. He was quite a contrast from Tom Landry … the always-calm gentleman with a face that looks like it belongs carved into Mount Rushmore.
Thank you, Washington Commanders.
South River, New Jersey, produced two future NFL standouts just a couple of years apart: Joe Theismann and Drew Pearson. Theismann became a Commander and Drew became a Cowboy. How perfect.
My lasting memory of Drew vs. the Commanders was him hauling in an improbable bomb hurled by a guy named Clint Longley. My lasting memory of Theismann vs. the Cowboys was him tossing five interceptions against “Thurman’s Thieves” on a September night in 1985 and losing, 44-14. It was Theismann’s birthday and the Cowboy fans serenaded him with “Happy Birthday” late in the game.
Theismann, with his one-bar face mask, Joe Pesci voice and constant whining was the anti-Staubach. He did the Commanders well, following in the staggered footsteps of former beer-bellied quarterbacks Sonny Jurgensen and Billy Kilmer.
Thank you, Washington Commanders.
There have been Cowboys who have become Commanders over the years. When it happens, the players (or coaches) are never do as well in Washington as they did in Dallas. Duane Thomas, Jean Fugett, James Washington. Oh, and Norval Turner. The offensive genius who helped bring out the potential in Troy Aikman went to Washington and drafted the next Aikman, Heath Shuler. Perfect.
With George Allen long passed and the Commanders being on the verge of becoming nice guys, a diminutive, sadistic, ill-tempered Commanders fan named Daniel M. Snyder bought the team. He fired Norv. He also hired and fired a solid NFL coach in Marty Schottenheimer. The man-crush he had on Steve Spurrier was consummated the next year, but that too didn’t work out. He brought in sack legend Bruce Smith and cover legend Deion Sanders. Nothing worked. Each time, each move blew up in his pudgy, burgundy-colored face.
Snyder retaliated against newspapers who wrote the truth about him and his joke of a franchise. He charged admission to his training camp practices one year and that blew up in his face, too.
Thank you, Washington Commanders.
Dallas has won 14 out of the past 15 games. Chan Gailey never lost to the Commanders. Dave Campo, for crying out loud, was 5-1. Also during this span, Dallas has beaten Washington with quarterbacks such as Quincy Carter, Chad Hutchinson, Anthony Wright and Vinny Testaverde.
So many Cowboy players have had their biggest plays or greatest days against Washington. Roger’s double comeback in 1979. Drew’s catch from Longley. Tony Hill has had at least two-game winning catches against Washington. Michael Irvin caught three TD passes as a rookie against Washington and later made a habit of abusing Hall-of-Famer Darrel Green. Raghib Ismail stabbed them in the heart, not once, but twice on late bombs, one from Troy and one from Carter. Even young Patrick Crayton is off to a nice start in this rivalry.
Thank you, Washington Commanders.
Recently, Snyder reached into the Commanders’ past to try to turn around the franchise that he is helping to ruin. He brought Joe Gibbs back. But this isn’t the same Joe Gibbs. Age, time away from the NFL and health problems have robbed Gibbs of the magic he used to have. Either that, or perhaps my theory is correct: anyone who gets near Daniel Snyder immediately loses 20 IQ points. Gibbs now looks like a character from the old TV show, Hee-Haw. He tried to make a joke recently about the “ugly” Dallas Cowboy fans. What a comedian. When you’ve lost 14 of 15 to your archrival, that’s about all you can do. I guess he forgot about the cross-dressing, pig-snout wearing inbreds that used to litter RFK stadium.
For every Popeye, there has to be a Bluto. Somebody has to lose … and look stupid doing it.
Thank you, Washington Commanders. You’ve made being a Cowboy fan a joy for so many years.
:skins: 
