The Endgame

[jday]

I was saying that when you go to work and think all day on the argument and how you will counter your wife's argument and then go home already mad at her... you have fed the bad wolf all day at work. Thinking how much you love her or love living with her and how insignificant the argument was and how you only want to stop the arguing... That would be feeding the good wolf.

At least that is my interpretation of that one paragraph.

I'm not talking in your relationship... just in that one at work scenario. Which is why I only quoted that one paragraph.

Ah. Understood. And, you are absolutely correct. It is certainly something I'm working on.

 

[jday]

I sort of disagree and agree at the same time.

I don't think feelings are a choice. I do, however, believe that how you react to those feelings is a choice.

You can't help the fact that you want to "win" the argument with your wife. But you can CHOOSE how you handle that feeling.

I can't stop the feeling of frustration/anger when a guy, driving recklessly, cuts me off and nearly causes a wreck. But I can choose to not entertain visibly/audibly react to the driver's actions.

But overall, you have some great insight into a person's psyche. Life would be so much easier if people did, in fact, remember the end game and keep things in proper perspective.

Solid point here. That is, in essence, what I was attempting to say, with one caveat: over time as you practice focusing on the Endgame, you will find your immediate feelings will become easier and easier to control until eventually that cooler controlled response becomes your default setting.

With wives, it's much more difficult because they will always know how to push buttons.

 

[Bullflop]

In a way, working in a football FO is quite comparable to a marriage.

The partners involved must always do what's best for the "team."

 

[JoeKing]

As for your first point, I disagree. Your second point, I know. Third point, you can be the exception.

Okay then... I'm content with agreeing to disagree. You're still a candidate for head coach of my NFL team that I'll purchase in no sooner than 10 years.

 

[Silver Surfer]

Gentlemen, I've felt your pain....

With respect to the Cowboys, I posted several years ago that their upcoming draft choice between Martin and Manziel would indicate whether their priorities were short term or long term. I believe they chose wisely.

 

[jday]

One of the hardest lessons I've learned in my marital relations is that it's more often than not a mistake to argue with the main objective being to win. It's usually best to find a common ground that both parties can live with. Preservation of the marriage and the relationship in general should be the primary goal of the partners.

I enjoyed your comparison of your marital relationship with the decision-making of the Cowboys front office. Making one's decisions for quick results (i.e., winning now) in preference to opting for making decisions with an eye to the long term was one that I feel was well taken.

Far too often, marital partners make the mistake of battling for control rather than working to save the relationship and to soothe the significant other's feelings and/or grievances in the process. Keeping a cool head in the wake of a woman that is emotionally distraught is always a challenge that must be met with decisions made for a desirable result for the future in mind.

Wow. Very well said, sir. Sage advice, indeed.

 

[jday]

Okay then... I'm content with agreeing to disagree. You're still a candidate for head coach of my NFL team that I'll purchase in no sooner than 10 years.

In the meantime, I'll be working on my clapping-stamina.

 

[jday]

Gentlemen, I've felt your pain....

With respect to the Cowboys, I posted several years ago that their upcoming draft choice between Martin and Manziel would indicate whether their priorities were short term or long term. I believe they chose wisely.

I had a similar internal-draft-debate-conversation in 2016. Jalen Ramsey may have been the better long-term decision, but there is nothing you can say or statistics you can show me that would make me believe that in that particular case Zeke was by far the better choice. Zeke is the exception to the rule outlined in the OP.

 

[plasticman]

My thoughts are these:

First guys, the secret to a happy long relationship is learning how to apologize for being right.

When it come to arguing with your wife, being right isn't the thrill you might think it is. It typically earns you an all expense paid trip to the couch where you can enjoy the satisfaction of being right.

Let your wife win that 90% of the least significant arguments. That way she is more inclined to let you win the more impactful disagreements.

Never yell at her. The moment you begin yelling, she loses focus, she will stop listening to a single word, all she will remember is that you yelled.

And again, the rewards for allowing her to be right are plentiful.

As to the Cowboy's philosophy of acquiring talent, it was never their goal to quickly produce an All Pro offensive line.

As per Jason Garrett, the Cowboy's wanted to maximize value by going for the best player available. It just so happened that they turned out to be offensive linemen. Recall that both Frederick and Martin were not the players they had targeted, they were looking for specific players that were already taken.

If the best available players were D-line men then perhaps they would be the strength of the team and we would all be lamenting the need to improve the O-line.

In any case Jason explained how drafting for need reduces value and, although he is one voice of many in the room, it seems the Cowboy's have done a good job in keeping to the plan, a critical component of success.

By the way, he also mentioned that you never sacrifice the future for the present. Take note of the fact that, during Jason's tenure, the Cowboy's have never traded a high future draft pick for a player to "fill a need".

 

[jday]

My thoughts are these:

First guys, the secret to a happy long relationship is learning how to apologize for being right.

When it come to arguing with your wife, being right isn't the thrill you might think it is. It typically earns you an all expense paid trip to the couch where you can enjoy the satisfaction of being right.

Let your wife win that 90% of the least significant arguments. That way she is more inclined to let you win the more impactful disagreements.

Never yell at her. The moment you begin yelling, she loses focus, she will stop listening to a single word, all she will remember is that you yelled.

And again, the rewards for allowing her to be right are plentiful.

As to the Cowboy's philosophy of acquiring talent, it was never their goal to quickly produce an All Pro offensive line.

As per Jason Garrett, the Cowboy's wanted to maximize value by going for the best player available. It just so happened that they turned out to be offensive linemen. Recall that both Frederick and Martin were not the players they had targeted, they were looking for specific players that were already taken.

If the best available players were D-line men then perhaps they would be the strength of the team and we would all be lamenting the need to improve the O-line.

In any case Jason explained how drafting for need reduces value and, although he is one voice of many in the room, it seems the Cowboy's have done a good job in keeping to the plan, a critical component of success.

By the way, he also mentioned that you never sacrifice the future for the present. Take note of the fact that, during Jason's tenure, the Cowboy's have never traded a high future draft pick for a player to "fill a need".

I can certainly respect your approach to arguments with your wife, but again I can't help but think most arguments are about things you simply can't change...and arguing typically does nothing to help other than decide who is in the right, which at the end of the day (like you suggested) is rarely important in the scheme of things. That's why my first choice (if I'm in my right mind and not allowing my emotions to cloud my judgement) is to look for ways to circumvent the fight altogether, regardless of how in the right I feel I am. It simply isn't worth it.

As for your take on the Cowboys, you are correct...they did have other players that they would have taken, but if I'm not mistaken, in many cases, they were attempting to address the other side of the line (if memory serves, Aaron Donald was there first choice over Zack Martin), which is in my mind really the same thing. In other words, the only way you can go wrong by addressing either line (be it offensive or defensive) is if you 1. pick a bust (which happens to the best of teams) or 2. the line you are addressing is already brimming with talent, while needs persist at other places on the team.

This notion that you have to always draft the best player available is not necessarily, in my opinion, a winning formula, particularly when it comes to players taken in the first round. I'd argue most teams address need in the first round more than they do best player available, however, that is a difficult assertion to prove.

 

[JoeKing]

In the meantime, I'll be working on my clapping-stamina.

 

[Kevinicus]

Do share.

Don't argue over stupid things. Don't stew about it all day. Never ready to just verbally rip each other. Never comparisons with movie characters or friends significant others. Rarely if ever argue about some female personality trait.

Most of that sounds unhealthy to me.

 

[jday]

Don't argue over stupid things. Don't stew about it all day. Never ready to just verbally rip each other. Never comparisons with movie characters or friends significant others. Rarely if ever argue about some female personality trait.

Most of that sounds unhealthy to me.

I have to ask, how long have you been married?

 

[haleyrules]

Marriage!! Its a war of attrition...a battle to the death. My only goal is to outlive my ex wives so l can put flowers on their graves! Only then will l be truly happy..

 

[TheHerd]

Don't argue over stupid things. Don't stew about it all day. Never ready to just verbally rip each other. Never comparisons with movie characters or friends significant others. Rarely if ever argue about some female personality trait.

Most of that sounds unhealthy to me.

I have to agree with this as my marriage experience. And give each other alone time to do things on your own.

I have to ask, how long have you been married?

24 years.

 

[LocimusPrime]

Marriage!! Its a war of attrition...a battle to the death. My only goal is to outlive my ex wives so l can put flowers on their graves! Only then will l be truly happy..

 

[lockster]

I sort of disagree and agree at the same time.

I don't think feelings are a choice. I do, however, believe that how you react to those feelings is a choice.

You can't help the fact that you want to "win" the argument with your wife. But you can CHOOSE how you handle that feeling.

I can't stop the feeling of frustration/anger when a guy, driving recklessly, cuts me off and nearly causes a wreck. But I can choose to not entertain visibly/audibly react to the driver's actions.

But overall, you have some great insight into a person's psyche. Life would be so much easier if people did, in fact, remember the end game and keep things in proper perspective.

thoughts. -> feelings. -> words & expressions-,> actions -> the cumalitive actions = character.

 

[Tass]

Your experiences with marriage are very different than those I have had.

I second this.

jday, I enjoyed your sexist, condescending post which speaks to your writing ability.

 

[Kevinicus]

I have to ask, how long have you been married?

A little over 8 years the first time, coming up on 2 years this time.

 

[jday]

A little over 8 years the first time, coming up on 2 years this time.

Was this two different people, or were you married for 8 years, divorced, than now married to that same woman again for 2 more years?

Either way, I truly do hope you don't experience the issues my wife and I have. Truth be told, I'd say we have a great marriage. Of course, I only have the one to draw experience from, so I couldn't say how it stacks up to others. But in the op I guess you could say I assumed most could relate to my experiences. If you can't relate, good for you; and I don't mean that sarcastically at all.