Before I ever became a student of the sport football, I was (and still am) a student of human nature. One of the things that I have learned about people is that most are under the mistaken impression that how they react to a given situation is beyond their control. For instance, often times you will hear people say things like, “That pisses me off,” as if to suggest that their reaction was to a certain extent preordained…or by default. The reality, however, is that being pissed off about anything is a choice you make.
Most understand that we are in control of what we say and do, but from my experience, the majority of the people in this world are completely unaware that we also control what we feel. Granted, it is much easier to control what we say and do, but with practice and deliberate focus, we are also masters of our own emotions. I suspect for those who have been married for 5 or more years, you may already know this.
Who you are…who you truly are…is not expressed by how you react to life when it is great and everything is going your way. The true you is expressed through how you react to life when everything is going wrong. How you react to the bad in your world is the definition of you.
Have you ever had a fight with your loved one in the morning over something relatively stupid and insignificant? Following that argument, did you continue to argue with your loved one in your head throughout the day devising a game plan on how you’re going to attack them that evening when you get home? And by the time you got home, because of all that arguing that transpired in your head, were you ready to verbally rip your spouse’s head off the moment you walked through your door because in your mind you two have been arguing all day? Happens to me all of the time.
What I’ve come to realize in 12 years of marriage is that most arguments can be avoided, if I just take in consideration my desired endgame. Take the above scenario where I have just spent the day arguing with my wife in my head. This happened recently, so I am speaking from an actual experience. The truth is, my preferred endgame would be to get along with my wife, regardless of what she said or did in the morning that pissed me off. After all, who wants to spend their night arguing with their significant other?
And the crazy thing is, the majority of the time the argument is about a personality trait or default setting of a female that will not change no matter how many times we argue about it. So why bother arguing about it in the first place? Why not just swallow my pride and act (fake it till I make it) like nothing ever happened, thereby granting everyone else in my house, kids included, permission to enjoy their evening, as well. It’s a win-win-win.
What I’m suggesting here, I suppose you could say, is that we men especially should pick and choose are battles, because the only option many woman have in that multiple choice question of what battles to choose is C: All of the Above.
Know this about your female counterpart; no matter how great of a guy you started out as, their desired endgame is always to make you better. And a big part of their motivation, unfortunately, is how you compare to their friends husbands/boyfriends. Yep, you will forever be in competition with the attributes their friends choose to reveal about their significant other, which can really be a problem if their friends don’t ever complain about their man. You will find appreciation from your girl following their friend’s complaints. And you undoubtedly will find an argument when their friends gushes about the nice things their significant other did…without fail…happens every time.
And should the guy in the movie or show you two are watching cheat on their significant other, you are automatically guilty. And if the guy in the movie should do something or say something sweet, you will likely get the ever-so-popular, “Why don’t you ever say or do things like that?” You really can’t win. Know that now. It will make life a whole lot easier.
Footnote: The right answer to the last question after ten years is: “Because I don’t have that guys writers.” However, before ten years: “You’re right, I could learn something from that guy.” Don’t, whatever you do, ever get those rules twisted.
The universal formula you could potentially garner from gaining this understanding is that there is most of the time a significant difference between choices that provide immediate relief and choices that provide eventual, but longer lasting relief. And that concept applies to just about every walk of life. Typically, the latter approach is the far better approach.
Take the Dallas Cowboys, for instance. Prior to the drafting of Tyron Smith in 2011, the last time the Cowboys addressed offensive line in the first round was in 1981 with the drafting of Howard Richards; that’s exactly 30 years. Of all the positions a team could choose to draft in the first round, offensive line and defensive line are very much long-view selections. Rarely do you find an addition to either of those fronts that hits the ground running immediately. It is a position that requires not just grooming, but often times necessitates physical strengthening to be effective.
Beyond how amazing it is that none of the Cowboys offensive lineman in the early 90’s were actually first round picks, that fact should also serve as an indicator as to how the front office was picking and choosing their battles as it pertains to building a team. One could make the argument, that from the moment Jerry Jones took over up until 2011 when they opted to take Tyron Smith with the 9th overall pick, the Cowboys were in a perpetual state of win-now-mode; every decision the front office collectively made was about the upcoming season, future seasons be-damned.
The problem with that approach should be obvious to anyone who has followed the team for that same amount of time: that method simply doesn’t work in the NFL anymore; hasn’t since the salary cap era began, and likely never will again. The Cowboys in that same time have no championship trophies to justify their decision making. And so, the Cowboys smartly, if not finally, switched up their game plan and started making choices with the future weighing heavily in every argument.
Consider:
Third contracts are now a rarity among players with the Cowboys. Youth seemingly trumps veterans that may offer better immediate returns, but obviously clog up the cap as their overall skills suffer with age over time and typically towards the end of their ridiculous contracts. And, of course, there is the matter of using three first round picks to address the offensive line in a matter of four years from 2011 to 2014, Morris Claiborne being the lone exception in 2012. Those selections were not about the years in which they were drafted, but were all about who the Cowboys wanted to eventually be.
Granted, for it to work, you can’t simply draft any offensive lineman and expect the same results; you absolutely have to pick the right offensive lineman, which the Cowboys clearly did. But it all began with a commitment and understanding that while they may not yield immediate positive results, eventually it would pay dividends in the form of once again being perpetually competitive.
Now, as a result of that philosophy change, the Cowboys have the ability to play the brand of ball control football they are known for. Without the benefit of that early on sacrifice starting in 2011, there is no telling where the Cowboys would be today. But I think we can all agree that without Tyron, Martin and Frederick manning those critical positions, rather than basing our enthusiasm on tangible and credible data, we would be pinning our hopes on a miracle happening…as we did from 1996 to 2011.
Life, relationships, career, sports. All of these can benefit from an understanding of what you want your endgame to be and never losing sight of that in the face of potential immediate returns...like winning the argument of the day with your wife. It might be nice for 15 seconds...but there is nothing nice about sleeping on the couch.
Thoughts?
