Time machine problems

[Reverend Conehead]

I fixed my time machine's accuracy problem. When this machine is tuned up, it can send you anywhere in the past or future within about a 2-week window. The devices were off and the accuracy had nose-dived to being only within about 200 years. It was making it unusable. So now I've got that fixed and I can go to any time I want with good accuracy. However, there's another problem. For some reason, the place function isn't working well. I go back in time just fine, but I'm always on the continent of Antarctica, and I'm usually at least 60 feet under snow and ice. Super frustrating. I always end up just coming back home. I still haven't gone on my mission to 1965 France to make love to Catherine Deneuve when she was 21 years old. That's my ultimate mission. That one time I tried, I wasn't wearing my glasses when I did the settings, so I ended up in the pre-France European continent in 1965 BC with some cavewoman after me. The time after that I tried, I got the year and the country right, but not the altitude. I was 40,000 feet above France and plummeting to the Earth. I'm super lucky the return-home command was working perfectly and I was able to do it before passing out. The time machine splashed down in my swimming pool and I had to air it out and de-rust it. Then I made several unwanted trips to Antarctica in 1965 AD and stuck below ice. This is getting frustrating. It makes me wonder if Amber Heard keeps sneaking into my lab and sabotaging my machine.

Wish me luck. I will get back to 1965 France and I will sweep that young Catherine Deneuve off her feet. I'll finally get this machine into perfect adjustment and complete this mission.

 

[Xelda]

Have you checked to make sure the chlorine from the pool didn't affect any of your equipment? I don't doubt your resourcefulness, but chlorine has ways of messing with stuff. Check everything again plus make sure the cavewoman didn't hop into your trunk when you weren't looking. I would offer a wing man or woman until I saw the 60,000 feet above France and plummeting part. I decided to thy own loins be true.

I don't think Amber Heard had anything to do with this which can only mean one thing: She's planning something much bigger. Watch your back and good luck.

 

[Reverend Conehead]

Have you checked to make sure the chlorine from the pool didn't affect any of your equipment? I don't doubt your resourcefulness, but chlorine has ways of messing with stuff. Check everything again plus make sure the cavewoman didn't hop into your trunk when you weren't looking. I would offer a wing man or woman until I saw the 60,000 feet above France and plummeting part. I decided to thy own loins be true.

I don't think Amber Heard had anything to do with this which can only mean one thing: She's planning something much bigger. Watch your back and good luck.

You're right. I'd better check out the metal and all instruments to see if they've been affected by chlorine. That might be exactly what makes it keep sending me to Antarctica under ice. My main time machine processing unit is a modification and combination of a 737 jet engine and the gears from a Missile Chasers amusement park ride. That stuff wasn't originally designed to work together, so chlorine could certainly have a negative effect.

Now I'm really worried about what Amber's been up to. If she's not behind these problems, she's certainly up to something much, much worse. I've been contemplating setting up a distance viewing portal that I can use to keep tabs on her, but then that makes me feel guilty like I might be some kind of stalker. I'm not some creep. I'm just a normal every day guy with a passion for time machines and retro French actresses.

One more thing, Xelda. You should come along as my wing man. I've solved the altitude problem and that 40K feet thing won't happen again. You could take Brigitte Bardot, who was almost as hot as Catherine Deneuve back then and had bigger boobies. I think you'll like her. How's your French?

 

[dsturgeon]

If you are stuck under the ice of Antartica, search around and find the secret **** bases.

I guess WW II references are not allowed

 

[Reverend Conehead]

If you are stuck under the ice of Antartica, search around and find the secret **** bases.

I guess WW II references are not allowed

I think I know what you mean. You mean the NSDAP bases where they hid little moustache man.

 

[Them]

I fixed my time machine's accuracy problem. When this machine is tuned up, it can send you anywhere in the past or future within about a 2-week window. The devices were off and the accuracy had nose-dived to being only within about 200 years. It was making it unusable. So now I've got that fixed and I can go to any time I want with good accuracy. However, there's another problem. For some reason, the place function isn't working well. I go back in time just fine, but I'm always on the continent of Antarctica, and I'm usually at least 60 feet under snow and ice. Super frustrating. I always end up just coming back home. I still haven't gone on my mission to 1965 France to make love to Catherine Deneuve when she was 21 years old. That's my ultimate mission. That one time I tried, I wasn't wearing my glasses when I did the settings, so I ended up in the pre-France European continent in 1965 BC with some cavewoman after me. The time after that I tried, I got the year and the country right, but not the altitude. I was 40,000 feet above France and plummeting to the Earth. I'm super lucky the return-home command was working perfectly and I was able to do it before passing out. The time machine splashed down in my swimming pool and I had to air it out and de-rust it. Then I made several unwanted trips to Antarctica in 1965 AD and stuck below ice. This is getting frustrating. It makes me wonder if Amber Heard keeps sneaking into my lab and sabotaging my machine.

Wish me luck. I will get back to 1965 France and I will sweep that young Catherine Deneuve off her feet. I'll finally get this machine into perfect adjustment and complete this mission.

I believe you have to much "time" on your hands!!!

 

[nobody]

On your very first mission, did you happen to capture a horse and it damaged your time machine with its horn? Is your name Svetz?

 

[DallasEast]

 

[Reverend Conehead]

Scariest picture I've ever seen. Also, I would never use a Delorean as a time machine. That's crackpot science.

 

[cowboyec]

aliens.
they don't like you interfering.
they live under the moons surface and monitor time travel.
they don't like that !@#$.

 

[nobody]

Only @cowboyec got my reference? Here it is

 

[dsturgeon]

Scariest picture I've ever seen. Also, I would never use a Delorean as a time machine. That's crackpot science.

what about a train with different colored smoke?

 

[DallasEast]

Scariest picture I've ever seen. Also, I would never use a Delorean as a time machine. That's crackpot science.

@ "crackpot science"

 

[Xelda]

You're right. I'd better check out the metal and all instruments to see if they've been affected by chlorine. That might be exactly what makes it keep sending me to Antarctica under ice. My main time machine processing unit is a modification and combination of a 737 jet engine and the gears from a Missile Chasers amusement park ride. That stuff wasn't originally designed to work together, so chlorine could certainly have a negative effect.

Now I'm really worried about what Amber's been up to. If she's not behind these problems, she's certainly up to something much, much worse. I've been contemplating setting up a distance viewing portal that I can use to keep tabs on her, but then that makes me feel guilty like I might be some kind of stalker. I'm not some creep. I'm just a normal every day guy with a passion for time machines and retro French actresses.

One more thing, Xelda. You should come along as my wing man. I've solved the altitude problem and that 40K feet thing won't happen again. You could take Brigitte Bardot, who was almost as hot as Catherine Deneuve back then and had bigger boobies. I think you'll like her. How's your French?

I'm glad you fixed that little plummeting to your death issue. I'm also thinking your OP was the cause of some weird dreams I had last night. Reverend, I'm not a man. I have no interest in Brigitte Bardot which basically saves more women for you.

 

[DallasEast]

Manufacturer: Skynet
Designation: Time Traveling Enhanced Logic Weapons System Cybernetic Warrior/Infiltration Unit
Model: T-X
Description: Extreme combat unit, equipped with a plasma reactor and various onboard weapons, protected by malleable armor overlaid by Mimetic polyalloy
Testimony: "Listen! Understand! That Terminator is out there! It can't be reasoned with! It can't be bargained with! It doesn't feel pity or remorse or fear and it absolutely will not stop! Ever! Until you are dead!" - Sergeant Kyle Reese, Tech-Com Resistance, Serial #DN38416


Target: Reverend Conehead

____________________

Well, it has been nice knowing ya, Rev!

 

[dsturgeon]

Manufacturer: Skynet
Designation: Time Traveling Enhanced Logic Weapons System Cybernetic Warrior/Infiltration Unit
Model: T-X
Description: Extreme combat unit, equipped with a plasma reactor and various onboard weapons, protected by malleable armor overlaid by Mimetic polyalloy
Testimony: "Listen! Understand! That Terminator is out there! It can't be reasoned with! It can't be bargained with! It doesn't feel pity or remorse or fear and it absolutely will not stop! Ever! Until you are dead!" - Sergeant Kyle Reese, Tech-Com Resistance, Serial #DN38416


Target: Reverend Conehead

____________________

Well, it has been nice knowing ya, Rev!

Weaknesses: Is susceptible to having cell phones thrown at her, pulling of hair, and being screamed at

 

[Reverend Conehead]

what about a train with different colored smoke?

Nah, my time machine is made up of jet engines and other parts from a 737 jetliner and parts from ex-Six-Flags rides such as the Missile Chasers. Like any sensible time traveler.

 

[dsturgeon]

Nah, my time machine is made up of jet engines and other parts from a 737 jetliner and parts from ex-Six-Flags rides such as the Missile Chasers. Like any sensible time traveler.

Maybe there was more to the flashback ride at six flags than i thought.

 

[Reverend Conehead]

I'm glad you fixed that little plummeting to your death issue. I'm also thinking your OP was the cause of some weird dreams I had last night. Reverend, I'm not a man. I have no interest in Brigitte Bardot which basically saves more women for you.

Oh, all right. I'll just have to make love to both Catherine Deneuve and Brigitte Bardot in 1965. The sacrifices I make, I'll tell ya.

 

[timb2]

Rev, can I take the Time Machine back to the 80s? I wanna take Vanity on a date, but I can't let Sheila E. find out. Also Rev. you didn't find some purple tiger striped pants in the back seat? Those are mine.